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Original poster

Christmas now unaffordable

293 replies

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 18:38

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

OP posts:
Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 20:49

OP - Why do they give your husband carer's allowance but then deduct it, that doesn't make sense.

The way she's worded it doesn't make sense.

The reason is because he's claiming Carer's Allowance as a separate benefit, then also claiming UC where he's getting awarded Carer's Element as part of that. He can't claim for the exact same thing twice over, so they're deducting the carer's allowance amount from the UC claim. Carer's allowance exists as a stand alone benefit because it's not means-tested, unlike UC. People do it this way (claiming both) because benefits sometimes fucks up and you don't get paid. By claiming carer's allowance separately and having it deducted from UC, if the UC fucks up one month, they'll still have carer's allowance being paid.

HappyMeal564 · 02/12/2025 20:48

Call 111 and tell them you've been trying to get a gp appointment for a year. Also put in a complaint to the gp surgery. Do you self administer weekly injections? If you don't, speak to the clinician who administers them. If you do, call any help numbers you have and ask them to help you, your poor body must be struggling

GinandTonic24 · 02/12/2025 20:47

If your universal credit housing element is less than your rent you can apply for a discretionary housing payment.

Apply for the LCWRA element of Universal Credit.

If your youngest is 18 or 19 you can still get Universal Credit Child Element and Child Benefit for him.

Your husband can apply for PIP without a diagnosis.

If you think your PIP award is wrong, submit a mandatory reconsideration.

You said you don't get any council tax discount, do you get Council Tax Support? If not, apply for that. You can also apply for s13a discretionary relief which means they can reduce your liability to £0.

CAB can help with an emergency food parcel, potentially gas/electric vouchers. If they can't, they'll know of organisations in your area who can. A lot of utility providers have social tariffs.

I really do sympathise and can't imagine how difficult having so many health challenges is, but there is potentially hundreds of pounds of unclaimed benefits you're entitled to. You have to help yourself as well.

bellabasset · 02/12/2025 20:46

Talk to the social prescribers at your drs who will know what help is available, eg attendance allowance, fuel vouchers, food vouchers etc. We have a local.CIC who sell donated goods, use profits to help people struggling. Register yourself as vulnerable with your energy company, British Gas have help available, see if yourexeligible.Sometimes your MP's office can help. Is your home eligible for warm home discount for example? We went through a period when we had very little money but we managed to have a good Christmas.

Annielou67 · 02/12/2025 20:46

Hi OP. I don’t want to be patronising but can you send us an income and expenditure list for what you have now and I’m sure people might have some suggestions how you can trim it down. Also if you tell us where you are geographically in the country we might be able to be more helpful.

GeorgeEdwardsMum · 02/12/2025 20:42

Be careful if DH applies for PIP. Does his caring for you contradict what his own application would say? Is that why he doesn't want to apply? I know they take carer's off pound for pound but he should be receiving carer's element.
Is DH (or you) handing in fit notes? The extra money lcwra (only one can claim) would boost your income. Perhaps, you could do an MR and appeal your decision or DH can try to get it.
Do you think your PIP level is correct? If not look into getting it reassessed.
You sound defeated. It isn't always easy to get help, but there's two of you at home that could take babysteps in reaching out. Things like discretionary housing payments, food banks (I've never known a charity not give because of religious differences, are you sure?) and CAB. Local DAG groups can be helpful too.

Tourmalines · 02/12/2025 20:42

Your son with the family would be staying home at his this Christmas? Surely he can stretch a few potatoes, veggies and a bit of meat ?

Grammarnut · 02/12/2025 20:40

dcadmamagain · 02/12/2025 20:33

I hope you don’t take offence st this comment but have a look at local churches - some near me offer free meals on certain days and warm halls with coffee/tea and biscuits. No religious hard sell it’s just helping people

Sikh temples will feed all who come in, too.

Coconutter24 · 02/12/2025 20:39

Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead.

Yes you are wrong to do this. Christmas isn’t about presents and expensive things, it’s about family and spending time with loved ones (or it should be). Let them know you haven’t got the money to do a big Christmas meal or gifts but you’d love to spend time with them. They can then decide to spend Christmas.

Obviously something needs to change day to day and it’s not just about Christmas but I don’t know why to suggest on that sorry, only advice I can give is just don’t beat yourself up over Christmas. It’s one day.

ItsDarkNow · 02/12/2025 20:38

How are you surviving if you only eat twice a week? Is that literally what you do?

Original poster
purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 20:37

Our local mp - tried that once and was made very uncomfortable and unwelcome.
gp surgery- good luck getting past the evil receptionist. Iv been trying to see an actual gp now for over a year.

untill my husband gets seen and some actual answer to what’s going on with him - he will not apply for anything. He has been waiting over a year now for a bone marrow biopsy to confirm that he has some form of blood cancer and now on a 36 week waiting list for a mri on his brain due to the really strange tremors he’s suffering with.

my adult children are not in a position to help us with anything. If I thought they could I would speak to them. But knowing there situations it’s not something that I can discuss with them without adding more stress.

we can not take in a lodger the landlord would not allow this. Plus due to my own disabilities there is no way I would cope with a stranger in my home. Plus anyone that sees my house wouldn’t want to live here anyway. It needs decorating and de cluttering.

The meal thing is 100% correct - for I have to make sure that my husband has eaten daily due to his diabetes. I was on a special diet due to anything that triggers a histamine response sent me into anaphylactic shock. I suffer with chronic urticaria. I also have no immune system due to the weekly injections I’m on.

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 02/12/2025 20:37

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/12/2025 19:01

I'm so sorry to hear this. Your husband should be entitled to pip and you should also get assistance with rent. I don't think you're claiming everything you're entitled to.

Sending warm wishes to you.

Agree. I think they are trying to live on £385 a month for food and everything except rent and council tax. That cannot be right for two adults.

Burningbud1981 · 02/12/2025 20:36

Katemax82 · 02/12/2025 20:34

If you do claim child benefit have it backdated 3 months

Show quote history

If they claim child benefit why would it be backdated.

Katemax82 · 02/12/2025 20:34

2dogsandabudgie · 02/12/2025 18:54

Have just googled Universal Credit and I think you can still claim UC on your claim for a child who is at college plus child benefit.

If you do claim child benefit have it backdated 3 months

Scottishskifun · 02/12/2025 20:34

What churches are nearby?
Many churches, salvation army, community groups do community Christmas lunches on Christmas day. Can you investigate these options?

Find out if you have a community fridge on your local Facebook page it's free food to stop waste often supermarkets donate to them.
It sounds like you need to set up an appointment with CA however who can help refer you to things like food banks etc.

dcadmamagain · 02/12/2025 20:33

I hope you don’t take offence st this comment but have a look at local churches - some near me offer free meals on certain days and warm halls with coffee/tea and biscuits. No religious hard sell it’s just helping people

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 20:31

Regarding food vouchers most are administered by the Trussel Trust they are impartial and judgement free so a difference of beliefs won’t come into it.

But they do only issue a limited amount. I'm not sure if a lot of posters who recommend food banks realise they're designed for a limited period of help or occasional use. You can't keep getting food bank vouchers on an ongoing basis just because you can't afford to live. They're not designed to subsidise people in an ongoing way like this. I'm thinking the OP has maxed out everyone's generosity on this score in her area and that's why she can't get a voucher from anywhere.

HappyMeal564 · 02/12/2025 20:31

Your husband absolutely needs to claim, you cannot survive on two meals a week, you both must be severely ill and losing weight rapidly. What are you eating? A sack of potatoes, value pasta, value cheese and frozen vegetables are extremely cheap and filling. Go to the gp and get checked over

SJone0101 · 02/12/2025 20:28

I can’t understand that if someone needs Pip, have can they possibly be carers and then due to carers allowance. If you can’t look after yourself well enough, why are you someone’s carer. Doesn’t make sense.

SJone0101 · 02/12/2025 20:28

I can’t understand that if someone needs Pip, have can they possibly be carers and then due to carers allowance. If you can’t look after yourself well enough, why are you someone’s carer. Doesn’t make sense.

SJone0101 · 02/12/2025 20:28

I can’t understand that if someone needs Pip, have can they possibly be carers and then due to carers allowance. If you can’t look after yourself well enough, why are you someone’s carer. Doesn’t make sense.

2dogsandabudgie · 02/12/2025 20:26

OP - Why do they give your husband carer's allowance but then deduct it, that doesn't make sense.

Edited to add why can't you get community help because you have different beliefs. I don't understand what that means. Do you mean religious beliefs, because I can't see why that would be a problem.

CraftyGin · 02/12/2025 20:25

If you can't afford Christmas stuff, don't do it. There are lots of free things you can do, depending on your community.@

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 20:25

What would the point in splitting finances be

The point is that if your husband is refusing to claim what he's entitled to, and you're getting more in PIP than he is in carer's allowance (i have no idea if you are or aren't, since your PIP is so low), then you're effectively subsidising his life. It's pointless to subsidise another person just because that person refuses to help themselves, then complain you have no money left. If someone is refusing to help themselves it's best to disengage from them and see how much help you're able to give only after you've seen to your own needs.

Otherwise, you're effectively setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - and whilst there's people on this earth you might choose to do that for, someone who refuses to put on a coat isn't worthy of that level of self sacrifice on your part.

So if you're subsidising him, stopping that and separating your finances lets you have better control over your own money and how it's spent, and means he gets to feel the consequences of his refusal to claim PIP, which might make him more likely to do it.

caringcarer · 02/12/2025 20:24

Daisy12Maisie · 02/12/2025 19:14

I would still have the family round and just say we are skint this year so can you bring the crackers, then can you bring some veg and can you bring a chicken (to each of the children.)
I say chicken as I’m going to cook a chicken this year as it’s cheaper.
My teens are looking forward to Christmas as it’s a family event. I’ve told them I can’t get them big presents and I’m just making a cheap version of Christmas dinner and they don’t care. My 18 year old lives away from home so if I make frozen veg from the freezer and a chicken he will still be pleased to have a home cooked meal!

We will play some games. Actually, this sounds rubbish but we are going to play guess the road sign as we are trying to get my youngest to revise for his driving theory test. We have a pack of flash cards so we will do that for half an hour. Then just chat. Maybe go for a walk. I have put up some decorations that I had in the loft. They look old and tatty but my teens don’t care. I know it’s much harder with less money but I sometimes think it makes it more of a laugh with the kids.
I took mine on holiday for a week once and something broke in the house before we went so we had to literally eat supermarket versions of pot noodle and a bag of apples and bananas for the week whereas we were going to eat out a few nights. It wasn’t ideal but we did still have a nice time on the holiday.

On a separate note I agree with other posters that you need to make sure you are claiming everything you are entitled to.

This. Don't give up. If you already have decorations put them up, that won't cost you anything. Get your DH to apply for PIP. If he gets it you could get carers allowance.

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