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AIBU?

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To tell DS17 he shouldn’t come with us to Florida next year.

157 replies

Kickinthenostalgia · 02/12/2025 17:16

as a family 4 we booked to go to America in April but I’m hugely regretting it now. Ds17 has asd and is somewhat getting harder and harder to deal with whilst out. He’s absolutely fine at home but whenever we go places it’s just so much aggro, he didnt fancy our caravan holiday so didn’t come with us this year and I feel guilty in saying this but it was so much better. No issues, no arguments, no meltdowns, no stepping on eggshells. We thought he’d really want to go to America and he was really excited, until he wasn’t but is still talking about going. He absolutely hates trump, keeps saying he’s not eating American food because it’s full of chemicals, he complained when we did our Estas, about them having all the information on him etc. I’m wondering if he doesn’t want to come but doesn’t want to tell us in case we are mad about the money.

The last 2 days have been a nightmare for me and DP as well as my sister who’s bearing the brunt of it. as he’s currently over in Belgium with my sister and he’s barely left the hotel. I called him earlier to ask him if he’d like to come home early and he told me he didn’t feel safe and now my sister has said he hasn’t even gone for food this evening . I feel bad for her because she’s having to cut her holiday short( for which I’m reimbursing her) also she’s been doing everything solo which wasn’t was she thought she’d be doing.

I honestly don’t think he will manage in America as he’d most likely feel more unsafe over there. I also don’t want him ruining it for dd13. If we cancel the whole holiday it’s one not fair or DP or dd as they’ve never been, and we stand to lose a lot of money, where as if it’s just him then the hit won’t be too bad. I feel guilty as he’ll even thinking about this but I don’t want him distressed for 2 weeks because it will make everyone else feel awkward. But he absolutely loves rollercoasters and has been talking about the Florida ones for years. I want to sit him down and make all the points very clear. I’m really not sure what to do for the best 🙁

OP posts:
Linenpickle · 02/12/2025 17:37

Is he aware of the impact he has on others? Do you point it out in back and white for him?

yanbu.

Glamba · 02/12/2025 17:36

The early finish for Belgium is a great opportunity to put the problem to him.

If push comes to shove and he still wants to come, though, what are you going to do? In his defence he might manage infinitely better with his own parents there than with anyone else, however much he loves his aunty.

I am not sure I could tell him not to come but might need to have a plan in reserve, like dividing & conquering so you take one child each separately rather than going round. in a 4, and/or having some scheduled days off from the parks to keep him regulated.

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/12/2025 17:34

Agree, you sit him down and ask if he’d like to come on the family’s holiday, but if he does then he has to behave as part of the family: no moping about spoiling the mood for everyone, you’re going as a family so he has to participate in some family activities even if he then wants to do some things by himself, no talking about politics whilst on holiday, no making a fuss about food. You’ll understand if he thinks he’ll find it undeniable and doesn’t want to agree to that, and that’s fine, but this is everyone else’s trip too and him making things awkward or difficult isn’t an option.

Burnnoticed · 02/12/2025 17:33

Can he stay in the hotel while you do other things? Do you have those tickets that mean you can go to the parks every day, he could just go off and do that?

ComfortFoodCafe · 02/12/2025 17:29

You need to speak to him, instead of deciding for him.

CandyCayne · 02/12/2025 17:21

Has anyone sat him down and explained the impact his behaviour has on those around him?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 02/12/2025 17:17

You need to sit him down and ask him directly if he wants to go or not, from then you can make a decision.

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