To tell DS17 he shouldn’t come with us to Florida next year.

By next year he’ll be 18….an actual adult! Let him decide where he’ll be!

Coming back to this, the rollercoasters are such a big pull for some people though. Addictive really if your brain is wired that way. Letting go of some of the famous coasters is a big ask.

I wonder if it might help to offer him a "consolation prize" to sugar the pill a bit. A short break at Alton Towers or wherever his favourite UK theme park is. Not a bribe, just a way to limit the amount he loses out if he does decide not to go.

It’s clear he won’t enjoy the trip and the rest of the family will have a hellish time.

i would ask him if he wants to go, explain your concerns, he is likely to say he does I want to go. I wouldn’t take him but would organise a separate trip just with him to a destination he’ll definitely like.

Why are you even contemplating taking someone who can't cope with overwhelm into situations that he can't cope with?

It's setting him up to fail.

It wasn’t sensible to book the holiday. It seems probable that if DS is included he will experience challenges and react in ways he has before. Only you can decide whether, on balance, it is better to exclude or include DS in this and any future trips, and/or not to do certain things with your other DC.

Another problem that may occur- going through us immigration. My asd son went to LA 10 years ago. He can mask pretty well, but immigration was a nightmare. He started getting anxious, then stimming (which he hadn't done for years). Immigration deemed his behaviour was suspicious. 3 hours he was held. He got worse. Only the fact that his friend was waiting and he had a letter from our Dr explaining saved him from being deported. Obviously he will be with you, but can son be trusted not to start making comments about Trump and ICE?

That's tough OP. At least if he doesn't go, you still can, so you have options. Definitely ask him if he would prefer to opt out as there seems to be a lot he would find difficult and use the Belgium trip as a recent example.

The trouble is, I think a lot of people with this type of presentation of autism like the idea of an experience but the reality is actually too much when combined with travel, bureaucracy, being away from home, different food, what if we get ill etc. I've got a friend (who doesn't actually have a diagnosis apart from anxiety though both her children have ASD so I think she likely does too) who books holidays, looks forward to them and then a few days before gets anxious about those sorts of details. To the extent that twice she got off the plane again before it departed and refused to go.

If he does decide he wants to go, you will need to be very firm with him about border control and no voicing strong political opinions in public. You will also need to accept that he might stay in the holiday accommodation every day but make clear the rest of you will be out and about. Food ... you can order deliveries of fresh food from Garden Grocer or similar so he can eat in the room and avoid restaurants/fast food if he prefers. It's not ideal but might be workable?

If he wants to stay at home just say that's fine, glad you felt able to tell us.

He doesn't want to go to the US due to food, politics, and other perfectly good reasons. Why would you try to drag him there? You do want to go, but think he will ruin your trip. Again, why force him to go??

I mean I get you've probably already wasted the money at this point, but it still doesn't make sense to try and make him go. Also not clear whether he understands quite how badly it could go if a 17 year old gets arsy at immigration.

I'd give him the choice to go or not, and try to get him to own the decision. Understand what he is going for and what the compromises are likely to be. Or don't go at all.

I'd cancel the whole thing rather that put myself through that.

Go away with your daughter on her own.
Soundsike she could do with a break.

My son is only 11 so slightly different, he absolutely knows what the consequences of his behaviour can be but in the moment, when hes anxious or having a meltdown, it doesn't stop him. Then he has the feelings of guilt or embarrassment to deal with and the struggles start again. Its not as simple as expecting him to have understanding and control, we have had all sorts of interventions and still have blips where he makes mistakes.

Stop treating him like a baby. Why doesn't he know the consequences that his behaviour might have? Autism or not (I'm guessing it's high-functional, so his intelligence is ok), he is 17 and he is about to go to uni or get a job! What will he tell his boss? How will he earn a living?

Thing if he starts rucking up at the border CBP might take you in for secondary inspection

Yep...I wondered if anyone else would post about the ethics of going to the US in the current political situation.

A safe arrangement for DS sounds best

This sounds like a real ramping up of anxiety, Florida aside. I'd find that concerning, OP, and maybe try to find ways of getting to the bottom of that instead of focussing on the trip.

I'm American, by the way (despise Trump and everything about him). Florida is definitely its own odd ecosystem, but most visitors to Disney are tourists and I'd say about 30% of the country hates Trump, 30% loves him, and 30% are rapidly becoming disenchanted, so I wouldn't worry too much about what kind of reception his politics are going to get. And re food - possibly the worst food I've ever had in my life was at Paris Disney. I'm not sure it's possible to produce anything more disgusting!

So you're all definitely still going?

Best if he doesn't come and ruin it for everyone else. Guess he doesn't like going away. Hope the rest of you have a lovely holiday to Florida!

That's a very good point actually.. they want the address you're staying at, take fingerprints etc

What would be the point, though?He must have wanted to go on the Belgium trip, it didn’t stop him behaving like he is 🤷🏻‍♀️

To add, if he does join you, I’d also really impress into him the importance of not being a smart alec with HS at border control. If he’s stroppy about being asked entry questions, or complains about security procedures, or makes comments about being anti the government, you’re in for administrative pain that you don’t need.

You can tell him that due to his behaviour in Belgium and his comments about America not being safe etc, you are worried he won't handle the US trip.

That it's totally fine if he doesn't want to come.

Ask how he honestly feels about it.

That if he does come nobody will be changing their plans or bending to his whim if he feels uncomfortable.

That he needs to embrace it and be grateful for a free holiday.

If not then of course staying home is no problem.

Presuming he has someone to keep an eye on him and he won't have a massive party and trash your house?

Something else to consider - and not sure whether it’s valid or not - but if he says something anti Trump to the wrong person, it could potentially have consequences. It all seems to be a bit febrile there. I was in Canada recently wearing a Dem hat and some ladies from Florida commented favorably on it. I got the impression that it would not have been welcomed in Florida. We agreed that the times were difficult.

Good luck with the conversation.

He absolutely hates trump, keeps saying he’s not eating American food because it’s full of chemicals, he complained when we did our Estas, about them having all the information on him etc.

I don’t disagree on any of this. If he stays at home will he be ok alone?

So the 3 of you will still go and your dS will be where exactly?