To tell DS17 he shouldn’t come with us to Florida next year.

👆

So many commenters are acting as if DS just would have difficulty with the flight or coping with over excitement while there.

He's 17, next year might be 18, considered a legal adult, he's going to America which if you've been paying attention, is changing daily in terms of what they will accept and not accept with their own citizens let alone anyone from anywhere else.

DS is extremely outspoken. It's not that he doesn't travel well or that too many sights and sounds overwhelm him,
He is politically outspoken and extremely opinionated about American politics, American president, American guns, American policies, about food additives etc. It would be extremely difficult to get a neurotypical opinionated young man (or anyone else) who's used to voicing his opinions because there's no consequence (at home in a safe place) to keep their mouth shut 24 hours a day for the entire trip.
I know.
I have people like this in my life and getting them to shut up in a situation where they absolutely must shut up is very difficult.

This isn't about suggesting coping strategies for the young man during travel and what would make it easier for the family. This is about taking a neurodivergent young adult who is extremely outspoken and opinionated and vocal and known to be disagreeable when he doesn't get his way to a foreign country who at this time does not much want foreigners (who are critical of their ways) entering their country.
Not a good time.
DS can stay home, rest of the family go do your trip and enjoy it, (just of course, keep your heads down, mouth shut, eyes open, and any verbal discussion you want to make about life in America, do so when you're safely back on home soil.)
This is not the place for your son to be visiting right now.

I think the fact your sister is only 21 is somewhat reassuring.

He didn't feel safe. Travelling as a 17 and 21 year old, essentially 2 newly minted adults, has a very different feel to travelling with your parents. There's much more responsibility and pressure on him than if he could tag along in child mode with you making decisions and doing all the admin, tickets, keys. etc .

See what he says but is there an argument that previous family holidays are a better predictor of how this holiday will feel to him than a 17 & 21 year old holidaying alone.

Foodwise one of the upsides of autism is often an ability to eat the same thing over and over without getting bored of it! I wonder if you could take something like pasta and wraps from the UK and leave him at home for some meals. Food is often something people manage on holiday, with half a suitcase of supplies if need be, rather than a reason never to travel.

I think you've taken a lot of unjustified flack on this thread OP. You are steering a beautiful course trying to meet everyone's needs and make sure they have opportunities and fun. It's pretty amazing he even got to Belgium without you. We don't just dump our children out of holidays as soon as things get challenging, but it is always going to be tricky trying to judge how he might react & cope, when he's essentially quite unpredictable & reactive to conditions on the day.

Ha- I love how people always react to these posts by telling OP to ‘sit him/ her down and tell him how he needs to behave’ as if the magic of a struggling teenager being on a chair and hearing yet again how awful they are will have an impact 😂😂. A bit like telling me my husband is an arsehole and ‘needs to not do XYZ’ - wow, I didn’t know that but now you’ve enlightened me I can magically change them!!!
Neurodivergent children are very very hard to manage and harder to change. You have to wildly reduce your expectations and accept that any holiday is going to be full of screaming and meltdowns and incidents for which the neurotypical population looking on will judge your child and your parenting. It’s sh&t, and all you can do is your best, not take it to heart and focus on and remember the good moments because they’re even more special when you you can create them.

@Kickinthenostalgia I completely understood your situation. My teen daughter is autistic, I took her away for a few days recently and she didn’t want to leave the hotel room. It was really hard work. I’ve accepted that as much as she likes the idea of holidays the transition and change is just too much for her to cope with. She actually said she enjoys the travel on the train or airplane but doesn’t like the holiday itself!! So I’ve accepted that we won’t be going on holiday again which is sad but just the way it is.
I think be really honest with your son and say it’s absolutely fine if you don’t want to go and if it will be too much for him.

The money is spent whether he comes or not. You're not 'losing' money if he doesn't come, in fact you'll save on expenses while you're there.

Is it worth just dropping a "you don't have to come" into conversation sooner to give him time to mull?

For his safety and your sanity do not take him on this trip under any circumstances. Florida of all the States is not the place to be a loose cannon with your opinions.

I do agree with your DS about American food, it is terrible.

If he wants to go then tell him he has to be respectful of the red rod the family who want to enjoy the trip and needs to stop complaining about everything to you.

if he doesn't want to go then don't make him.

Given the way their relationship is described, yes.

He is with a 21yo who is like a sister to him.

She didn't say it was his first time abroad - she said it is the first time he's gone abroad without either parent.

TBH if he’s likely to start mouthing off about Trump or anything anti American in public, I wouldn’t take him anyway. If he’s likely did it at Immigration he’d probably be arrested.

Oh God, I'm a 51 year old autistic and would have difficulty in restraining myself in this situation 🤐

My dd 22yrs is Audhd. We've been to Florida several times. She absolutely loves it so that definitely helps but she does have meltdowns whilst there at times. It's very hot, very busy and can be total sensory overload. She is now at an age where she takes herself off to a quiet place or an Uber back to the accommodation. Not before yelling at us all though.....but we're used to it and I know she doesn't mean it. At Disney she gets the DAS pass (it is very difficult to get now) and this is a lifesaver with reducing queue times massively and not having to stand in a line. All the parks have a similar system. In regard to the airports and immigration she has been ok but wears a sunflower lanyard just in case.
Her eating is very difficult at times but it's a case of just letting her get whatever she fancies without any criticism.
Speak to your son again. Listen to him carefully about his expectations and whether he can make it work. If you do all end up going you need to have a plan in place so he can leave parks if he needs to calmly. He will also need his own quiet place to rest. It's not a relaxing holiday for anyone! Good luck. If he loves coasters Sea World Universal Islands of Adventure and Busch Gardens are the best.

It sounds like it’s weighing on his mind so I would probably have the discussion now. He might find it a relief and the recent disastrous trip is a good catalyst for discussing. He can stay with your mum as you say and he might prefer some day trips to UK theme parks perhaps. You need to ask him.

That's literally not what the quote says

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but as a parent of 2 autistic DC’s (older teens) I don’t understand why you would book a holiday to somewhere he obviously has anxiety over.

My eldest dd is similar, especially around politics and food. When she was younger we had some awful holidays where she refused to eat and refused to take part in any activities. Holidays were such hard work. We now plan them together, research the food available and we plan activities around her anxieties. She’s old enough that she doesn’t have to join in with everything so it’s pretty standard that for some things she stays behind on her own (though this rarely happens now). Holidays are now more enjoyable but it does mean we all have to make compromises on where we go and what activities we do.

It sounds like your Ds struggles being away from home, especially in busy places. He struggles with food and has anxiety over politics and different cultures? It sounds like he thinks it’s a good idea to go at first but then gets there and changes his mind? Maybe you need to remind him what happens when you get somewhere? Ask him if he really wants to go or if he feel safer staying at home?

I have a blond haired, white skinned, "English rose" of a friend living in America at the moment who travels a lot both inside and outside the States. She is getting some serious hassle at times getting through border controls. I also have a friend who spent several days in a Canadian jail and ten thousand pounds in court fees and fines for joking at passport control (homeward bound) "I haven't got a bomb in there" as they thoroughly hand searched his suitcase.

I wouldn't travel to either of those countries with an adult or nearly adult who might blurt out something that would ruin the holiday for the entire family and could cost you a serious amount of money.

I don’t think he should go.
I know, having a highly intelligent but very anxious DS (adult), and prob undiagnosed ASD it doesn’t take much for anxiety to spiral and not be able to do X, Y or Z.
He’s got valid points re Trump, crap food (and as another poster said food in Disneyland Paris was horrible) and data. I’d def be worried about behaviours at immigration. We went a few years ago and it was very intimidating - it’s probably worse now. I remember saying to DCs - just go with it - do what they say. DS’s anxiety wasn’t as bad then.