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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop driving because I’ve got The Fear

82 replies

AlwaysSunshine1 · 01/12/2025 22:33

I’m looking for some perspective on something that’s been ongoing for a while. I passed my driving test about 18 months ago after a lot of lessons, and I’m a decent driver. I’ve handled difficult situations fine, passed on my second attempt (and was told I was very close on my first). The problem isn’t my ability — it’s the anxiety around it.

The anticipation of driving can make me feel wound up for days before I need to get in the car, and that spills over into the rest of my week. Once I’m actually driving I’m OK, but the build-up is horrible.

I’ve tried to tackle it through CBT, hypnotherapy and a specific phobia course. They’ve all helped in understanding the fear, but not in removing it.

A year ago I bought my own car, thinking that might help, rather than sharing one with my DP. Right now I manage one school pick-up a week and very little beyond that. My partner does most of the driving — he’s supportive and doesn’t pressure me — and I make sure things are balanced in other areas. Still, it would obviously be helpful if I felt able to drive more.

I spoke to my GP who suggested I get a bus pass! He said we can review things in January, possibly looking at anti-anxiety medication if needed.

I can’t justify the cost of running a car I barely use. At the same time, I’d like the freedom that comes with driving and to take some pressure off my partner. But the constant anticipation anxiety is making me miserable and nothing seems to be shifting it.

AIBU to stop driving completely? Or is it worth pushing on even though 18 months later, I’m still in the same place? I’d love to hear from anyone who has overcome driving fear and how they managed it!

OP posts:
cardibach · 01/12/2025 22:55

Bimblebombles · 01/12/2025 22:53

Sounds like you need more regular exposure - try a ten minute drive every day?

this is what I was go8ng to say. If the anticipation is worse than the drive, just go out regularly.

Nitgel · 01/12/2025 22:54

Keep going ! Look up defensive driving.

AlwaysSunshine1 · 01/12/2025 22:53

Sillysoggyspaniel · 01/12/2025 22:37

Are you anxious in other areas of life? My sister started sertraline and it hugely improved her anxiety about driving (as well as other aspects).

At the point I passed my test I was anxious in other areas of my life, but I’ve made a lot of positive changes since then. Overall my anxiety has reduced, just not in relation to driving. I’m glad your sister saw an improvement!

OP posts:
Bimblebombles · 01/12/2025 22:53

Sounds like you need more regular exposure - try a ten minute drive every day?

MNLurker1345 · 01/12/2025 22:50

I passed my test at 50, because I left London and now live remotely and need to drive.
I was doing really well, big roundabouts and small duel carriageways (I can’t believe that I used to do that), and then COVID came along.

I now can’t even drive into town or further due to anxiety about driving and only do the local shops.

I am confident in all areas of life, no MH issues previously. It’s just driving.

I am considering doing one of the courses you have mentioned.

MoonAmber · 01/12/2025 22:50

I used to feel incredibly anxious about motorway driving. The stress beforehand would be horrible. Like you though, the actual drive was usually fine but I’d almost always get my husband to drive if it was an option.

Then he had an unexpected seizure and lost his licence for a year - I had no choice but to take on all the long drives. It cured me of my motorway phobia!

Could you challenge yourself to some bigger drives, week by week? It’s all about experience - the more you drive, the more your confidence grows.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 01/12/2025 22:37

Are you anxious in other areas of life? My sister started sertraline and it hugely improved her anxiety about driving (as well as other aspects).

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