Page 6 | To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

Mrsnothingthanks · 2025-12-01T22:00:47+00:00

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids! Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

badgerbee · 04/12/2025 16:38

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 14:12

You sound stiflingly strait laced and stuffy.

I just thought smug when I read that.

I'm not even sure why, if she thinks she has everything sussed out to a "t", she is even here provoking discussion of what the ins and outs should be. Most people do it to explore the issue. I keep sniffing a "reverse" aspect in it all...

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I keep sniffing undercover man pretending to convince women that their children are separate from the family they have with them. Like look this “woman” has it right.

IDidntSayThatSorry · 04/12/2025 16:36

Pikles · 04/12/2025 15:24

This is a tale as old as time. Man remarries to have a housekeeper, for sex and to care for him and his children; woman remarries to have financial provider, for her and her children.

It’s pretty archaic but whatever works for you I guess.

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Yes, fair trade I suppose. It obviously works for the many men and women in those situations. Otherwise, they'd leave.

gamerchick · 04/12/2025 15:50

LoyalMember · 04/12/2025 14:45

The OP's trying far, far too hard. It's as if she's trying to convince herself.

Well since the OP thinks that her exs wife should pay for her kids if her ex suddenly can't, I don't really know what she's trying to convince herself of.

BlossomOfOrange · 04/12/2025 15:27

are there nuances to the question? For example, is it ok for kids in the same blended family to have Christmas presents of different values, or not go on ‘family’ holidays because one set of biological parents earns more than the other? I’d say no, and that’s where some financial responsibility comes in. That equity was not experienced by children of a blended family I know, they are parents themselves now and have a toxic relationship to money and their financial responsibility in the household.

Pikles · 04/12/2025 15:24

IDidntSayThatSorry · 04/12/2025 14:03

My mother had no money as she was a stay at home mother so my stepfather was financially responsible for me.im grateful he was - yes it probably should have been my deadbeat Dad

Actually to be fair, it should have been both parents - so your mum didn't quite step up there either except that she managed to find someone else who was willing to do so.

Edited

This is a tale as old as time. Man remarries to have a housekeeper, for sex and to care for him and his children; woman remarries to have financial provider, for her and her children.

It’s pretty archaic but whatever works for you I guess.

InterIgnis · 04/12/2025 15:21

inappropriateraspberry · 04/12/2025 07:20

You become responsible for each others children when you become one family, that includes finances! What a mean way to look at things.

Well, no. A stepparent can choose to, but they are by no means required to.

myglowupera · 04/12/2025 15:03

GovernmentFundedSteak · 04/12/2025 14:56

If they lived with you there wouldn't be maintenance to pay. It would just be the usual day to day costs of having a child.

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I know exactly and that wouldn’t be a problem.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 15:02

@LoyalMember Not at all - I just strongly disagree with some of these beliefs!

OP posts:

GovernmentFundedSteak · 04/12/2025 14:56

myglowupera · 04/12/2025 14:06

If I was a stepparent and the child lived with me, then even more so I wouldn’t want to pay towards maintenance. So I guess my answer to your question is yes I would see it the same, even more so.

I used to be a stepparent and have been a single mum for 6 years now. As a stepmum and as a mum, I still hold the same opinion that the stepmum shouldn’t have to be involved with maintenance.

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If they lived with you there wouldn't be maintenance to pay. It would just be the usual day to day costs of having a child.

LoyalMember · 04/12/2025 14:45

The OP's trying far, far too hard. It's as if she's trying to convince herself.

Tiswa · 04/12/2025 14:39

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:56

Furthermore, there are number of countries that don't recognise civil partnerships so we considered this in terms of should we wish to emigrate in the future. Dotting the i's and crossing the t's again 😀

Edited

I see that does make sense I didn’t read this.

Tiswa · 04/12/2025 14:39

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:44

@Tiswa Absolutely ridiculous that you think there is no such thing as a married feminist! Isn't Michelle Obama married (to name just one you may know?)
For example, I would still want my husband and my family to be financially protected upon my passing - and possibly even more important as the higher earner.
However, we did tailor our ceremony to remove all of the patriarchal traditions (giving away by father, bouquet throwing, man-only speeches, name changing etc) and I am not a Mrs.

Edited

Yes because civil partnership does not exist in the US I am surprised given what you changed you didn’t go for one rather than a marriage and doing all the adaptions of it

Plus I never said that there was no such thing as a married feminist 2 - this isn’t a general thing I am just surprised given all your other individual beliefs why you chose marriage over a civil partnership

so don’t put words in my mouth!

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 14:12

badgerbee · 04/12/2025 13:12

Dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s again?
You sound stiflingly strait laced and stuffy.
Do you ever just relax and take life easy? You sound like my worst nightmare, be a bit more laid back for your kids sake.

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You sound stiflingly strait laced and stuffy.

I just thought smug when I read that.

I'm not even sure why, if she thinks she has everything sussed out to a "t", she is even here provoking discussion of what the ins and outs should be. Most people do it to explore the issue. I keep sniffing a "reverse" aspect in it all...

myglowupera · 04/12/2025 14:06

Stressystressylemonzesty · 03/12/2025 14:32

Would you see it the same if the child lived with you?

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If I was a stepparent and the child lived with me, then even more so I wouldn’t want to pay towards maintenance. So I guess my answer to your question is yes I would see it the same, even more so.

I used to be a stepparent and have been a single mum for 6 years now. As a stepmum and as a mum, I still hold the same opinion that the stepmum shouldn’t have to be involved with maintenance.

IDidntSayThatSorry · 04/12/2025 14:03

My mother had no money as she was a stay at home mother so my stepfather was financially responsible for me.im grateful he was - yes it probably should have been my deadbeat Dad

Actually to be fair, it should have been both parents - so your mum didn't quite step up there either except that she managed to find someone else who was willing to do so.

BumbleGee · 04/12/2025 13:52

My mother remarried when I was 9. She then went on to have three kids with my step father. My real father never wanted anything to do with me and certainly not financially. My mother had no money as she was a stay at home mother so my stepfather was financially responsible for me.im grateful he was - yes it probably should have been my deadbeat Dad but he didn't even let my mum put his name on my birth certificate.

Pikles · 04/12/2025 13:21

TheEveningSun · 03/12/2025 21:32

She doesn’t. Does her business PT. It’s a long story but I don’t know what to tell her. I kind of see the guy’s point but then if they start living together then I don’t know, it’s too complicated. It feels that he either takes her and the kids (kids are well supported by the fathers with 50/50 split) or not get involved with her

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In the nicest possible way, your friend sounds a bit of a mess? She’s considering child 3 with dad 3, despite choosing not to give her existing two the lifestyle she wants?

She doesn’t want a partner, she wants a sponsor.

badgerbee · 04/12/2025 13:12

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:56

Furthermore, there are number of countries that don't recognise civil partnerships so we considered this in terms of should we wish to emigrate in the future. Dotting the i's and crossing the t's again 😀

Edited

Dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s again?
You sound stiflingly strait laced and stuffy.
Do you ever just relax and take life easy? You sound like my worst nightmare, be a bit more laid back for your kids sake.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:56

Furthermore, there are number of countries that don't recognise civil partnerships so we considered this in terms of should we wish to emigrate in the future. Dotting the i's and crossing the t's again 😀

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:44

@Tiswa Absolutely ridiculous that you think there is no such thing as a married feminist! Isn't Michelle Obama married (to name just one you may know?)
For example, I would still want my husband and my family to be financially protected upon my passing - and possibly even more important as the higher earner.
However, we did tailor our ceremony to remove all of the patriarchal traditions (giving away by father, bouquet throwing, man-only speeches, name changing etc) and I am not a Mrs.

OP posts:

Tiswa · 04/12/2025 12:34

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:12

@Tiswa Do you genuinely believe feminists can't get married?!! 😆 😂 You are pulling my chain on this one!

No it doesn’t fit with you and your beliefs - and yes the constitution of marriage has in the past heavily favoured the man I am surprised that given your views you got married even with all the legal documentation. The historical background of marriage isn’t feminist.

there are civil partnerships which fits much better without all the baggage a marriage brings

so yes it does surprise me with all your independent views you tied yourself legally to someone else

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 12:12

@Tiswa Do you genuinely believe feminists can't get married?!! 😆 😂 You are pulling my chain on this one!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 04/12/2025 11:56

Mrsnothingthanks · 03/12/2025 21:41

@gamerchick Perhaps ex's wife could contribute if he couldn't? Would that be reasonable?

You tell me?

you think your kids stepmother should pay for your kids outside of the home?

BossaNovaOnAllNight · 04/12/2025 11:34

fedupposter · 04/12/2025 06:23

Interesting that you think that a member of the household who doesn’t financially contribute isn’t considered a ‘proper’ part of the family. Do you think the same of stay at home mothers?

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Sahm's usually aren't dodging their responsibilities as a parent by not earning a financial income- they're doing it whilst the kids are in nursery because it's more cost effective etc. This is different as step parents are usually doing it as a choice, opting out of this bit of family life.

Cheersminesalargeone · 04/12/2025 08:52

TFImBackIn · 01/12/2025 22:06

I know a lot of A level students found this out the hard way when their step parent's income was taken into account with student finance, even though the couple kept separate accounts.

Not only step parents same goes for partners if you’re living together