Page 5 | To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

Mrsnothingthanks · 2025-12-01T22:00:47+00:00

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids! Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

Dweetfidilove · 04/12/2025 18:55

Thankfully my stepdad had a different view and has not been sparing with his love, time or finances.
We love and appreciate him and so do our children.

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:33

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:27

@Calliopespa Let's see what the vote says.

I'm not remotely interested in the vote.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:27

@Calliopespa Let's see what the vote says.

OP posts:

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:26

What you have really done is to come on and attempt to snip and scissor away at the notion of entitlements of children in blended families, children who in many circumstances are very vulnerable anyway.

I realise yours might not be vulnerable, but given that, and given many are, I'm not sure why you would want to do that - or seem so pleased with yourself for having done so?

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:22

ThisMintSwan · 04/12/2025 18:18

Yes, you seem very happy.

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Indeed.
And of course the vote is based on the facts as given.

ThisMintSwan · 04/12/2025 18:18

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:16

@Calliopespa OK. We are both happy I don't expect him to pay btw. I'm interested to see how the final vote goes.

Yes, you seem very happy.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:16

@Calliopespa OK. We are both happy I don't expect him to pay btw. I'm interested to see how the final vote goes.

OP posts:

Owlmoonstar · 04/12/2025 18:15

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:12

So you have said.

OP there is no logical motivation for this thread if you are simply a woman whose dh is delightedly happy you "don't want" him to pay for your dc.

Unless as @Owlmoonstar has said you just want to stomp over other people's business.

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Absolutely bizarre isn't it?

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:12

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:09

@Calliopespa My DH doesn't have any bio children except our shared daughter! 😀

So you have said.

OP there is no logical motivation for this thread if you are simply a woman whose dh is delightedly happy you "don't want" him to pay for your dc.

Unless as @Owlmoonstar has said you just want to stomp over other people's business.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:09

@Calliopespa My DH doesn't have any bio children except our shared daughter! 😀

OP posts:

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:09

Lmnop22 · 04/12/2025 17:45

I would feel the same way about taking responsibility for any step children you take on through marriage in every way - emotionally and financially - if two women with children were married or two men with children were married.

This is not a feminism debate but one about how much responsibility one ought to take for children that aren’t biologically theirs when they marry the children’s parent. In my view, homes and beds and finances and children and everything else becomes shared when you commit to someone else in a marriage - you disagree and that’s fine but don’t reframe those of us who don’t agree with you as being anti feminist

Edited

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Agreed. Op is trying to change the field of engagement by making it about feminism or whether or not she is a man.

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:08

Owlmoonstar · 04/12/2025 17:53

This is such a weird thread.

Did you make this thread for the purpose of martyring yourself for not allowing your husband to help financially support your kids?

Or did you do it to make women who depend on their husband's to help financially support their kids feel bad?

Why would you even care what other people do in these situations? If you're so happy in your set up, then... Just get in with it?

Bizarre. Anyone else getting a weird ick vibe from this thread?

Yup. This is exactly why i get reverse vibes.

I think this is about her DH's dc.

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 18:06

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:38

@Calliopespa Yes, of course I'm a man - I'll let my husband know. He will be baffled as he delivered our daughter 😀

You are not reading/dodging the real content of the posts. I just explained I am not necessarily suggesting you are a man.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 18:01

@Owlmoonstar OK.

OP posts:

Owlmoonstar · 04/12/2025 18:00

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:58

@Owlmoonstar With respect, nobody is forcing you to comment.

Nope. But I do feel the need to voice my 'ick'

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:58

@Owlmoonstar With respect, nobody is forcing you to comment.

OP posts:

Owlmoonstar · 04/12/2025 17:53

This is such a weird thread.

Did you make this thread for the purpose of martyring yourself for not allowing your husband to help financially support your kids?

Or did you do it to make women who depend on their husband's to help financially support their kids feel bad?

Why would you even care what other people do in these situations? If you're so happy in your set up, then... Just get in with it?

Bizarre. Anyone else getting a weird ick vibe from this thread?

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:49

@Lmnop22 Fair enough. But over half of the voters on here agree that I'm not BU so we will agree to disagree.

OP posts:

Lmnop22 · 04/12/2025 17:45

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:20

@Calliopespa It's strange - I've heard this before - because a feminist who sees feminism as true equality "must be a man." Do women feel threatened by true equality? Maybe. But I'm in not the "feminism when it suits me" brigade and I make no apologies for it. I am a woman who is equally as a capable as a man at - in this instance of debate - providing financially for my own biological children. Do I take pride in that? Yes. Do I want or need a provider for either myself or my children? No. Women fought long and hard for us to have the freedoms that we are afforded today.

Edited

I would feel the same way about taking responsibility for any step children you take on through marriage in every way - emotionally and financially - if two women with children were married or two men with children were married.

This is not a feminism debate but one about how much responsibility one ought to take for children that aren’t biologically theirs when they marry the children’s parent. In my view, homes and beds and finances and children and everything else becomes shared when you commit to someone else in a marriage - you disagree and that’s fine but don’t reframe those of us who don’t agree with you as being anti feminist

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:38

@Calliopespa Yes, of course I'm a man - I'll let my husband know. He will be baffled as he delivered our daughter 😀

OP posts:

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 17:33

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:20

@Calliopespa It's strange - I've heard this before - because a feminist who sees feminism as true equality "must be a man." Do women feel threatened by true equality? Maybe. But I'm in not the "feminism when it suits me" brigade and I make no apologies for it. I am a woman who is equally as a capable as a man at - in this instance of debate - providing financially for my own biological children. Do I take pride in that? Yes. Do I want or need a provider for either myself or my children? No. Women fought long and hard for us to have the freedoms that we are afforded today.

Edited

It was nothing to do with your feminism.

FWIW I think women who truly feel comfortable about the idea of equality don't make such a thing of it.

It was the determination to shake free any financial entanglement with a partner's children from another relationship - and I'm not limited in my mind to the idea of a man. I think it's equally - or more - possible that a woman sloughing off a dh's dc would sound very similar.

Original poster

Mrsnothingthanks · 04/12/2025 17:20

@Calliopespa It's strange - I've heard this before - because a feminist who sees feminism as true equality "must be a man." Do women feel threatened by true equality? Maybe. But I'm in not the "feminism when it suits me" brigade and I make no apologies for it. I am a woman who is equally as a capable as a man at - in this instance of debate - providing financially for my own biological children. Do I take pride in that? Yes. Do I want or need a provider for either myself or my children? No. Women fought long and hard for us to have the freedoms that we are afforded today.

OP posts:

LaDamaDeElche · 04/12/2025 17:02

It’s totally up to the individuals involved and their dynamic. Some step parents want to be involved financially, some don’t. Some want to be involved in running the kids around and doing things a “parent” would do, and some don’t. I don’t think anyone is holding a gun to anyone’s head and forcing them to financially contribute towards a child who isn’t theirs. They would do so because they want to. I’m not married, so DP isn’t “officially” a stepdad, but he’s been in my DDs life for 10 years, so she thinks of him as one. He pays for more than I do household wise and for holidays etc, as he earns more, so we pay proportionally, so in that sense he is paying for DD as the costs are split as a whole, not between him and me, then me paying for DDs percentage of a holiday, or food shop etc. He gives me money towards her birthday and Christmas presents and would be quite hurt if I said no. He would just give it to her anyways even if I didn’t accept it. She’s off on a school trip which was quite expensive, which I paid for, but he transferred money to me as he wanted to contribute towards it. Her dad isn’t an equal coparent and contributes nothing, but even if he did, DP wants to and chooses to contribute. He loves DD and she loves him. He’s been in her life since she was 5. My step dad was the same.

GovernmentFundedSteak · 04/12/2025 16:53

BlossomOfOrange · 04/12/2025 15:27

are there nuances to the question? For example, is it ok for kids in the same blended family to have Christmas presents of different values, or not go on ‘family’ holidays because one set of biological parents earns more than the other? I’d say no, and that’s where some financial responsibility comes in. That equity was not experienced by children of a blended family I know, they are parents themselves now and have a toxic relationship to money and their financial responsibility in the household.

This happened to my DC. Their dad and step mum didn't take them on "family" holidays, and they got less for birthdays and Christmas than her DC and their joint DC. Apparently it was because my DC also got things from me and went on holiday with me so it wasn't fair that they would have had more overall. Which isn't how they see it at all.
They are NC with their dad et al.

Calliopespa · 04/12/2025 16:46

badgerbee · 04/12/2025 16:38

I keep sniffing undercover man pretending to convince women that their children are separate from the family they have with them. Like look this “woman” has it right.

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Uh huh (nods)