To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

People don’t need to give you personal experiences to tell you they disagree with your rigid viewpoint.

they just can. And the vote you hold so dear it only slightly in your favour and I think that is because legally yes I don’t think they do.

you don’t have to have lived experience to have any opinion

and you do come across as very rigid

@Mrsnothingthanksi would have voted ‘you are being unreasonable’ but i am with @Owlmoonstar

One of the reasons I fell in love with my ex husband and continue to think a lot of him is the fact MY children have never been treated any differently than OUR children.

It is Individual choice though.

Constructive as hopefully it will help you see how ridiculous you sound.

I do really see the divide. If you all live together, surely a lot of the financial support is absorbed in shared costs anyway?
My stepson was with us 50%, sometimes more .. he moved in full time with us at 18 and moved out 4 years later. We both supported him until he got a job, even then all the food etc he ate was paid for by both of us. My husbands always paid maintenance until he 18, but everything we paid out was split. We have 3 boys together and my stepson.
If I bought new clothes for the kids I bought them all something. Xmas and birthdays they all got the same. We always split the costs.

I don’t know how you’d divide it, you’re all one unit surely?

Oh I've put my point across. And plenty of people agree with me judging by their reactions to my comments. You just clearly feel rattled by people calling out this weird behaviour your displaying.

Yes, it is, which is why my very first line says - Incredibly complex issue, every family will be different.

Totally agree. My ex’s ex isn’t even neglectful, she’s a good mum. But I still wouldn’t have paid towards maintenance.
Now as a single mum myself I would never expect another woman to hand money to me for my own kids.

Well then it’s a different scenario isn’t it?

I’m happy to pay for things SC need in our household but it’ll be a cold day in Hell when I pay my partner’s borderline negligent ex to parent her own kids in her own household.

There’s none either way.

Do you also pay half of any maintenance sent to your partner’s ex though?

Lots of people rave about their stepdads. Very few about their stepmums.

Lets be honest, stepdads are more likely to live in households with children who are there most of the time, getting supported by benefits and maintenance, whilst being expected to provide far less nurturing care, housework and childcare.

Being a stepdad is a far easier gig than being a stepmum.

I agree. This entire thread is just a bit odd.

Incredibly complex issue, every family will be different.

from my perspective I pay for everything split with my partner, no one gets treated any differently - all one fam under this roof.

Because maintenance is money going to another household. The money I bring in would be for our household and I would be very protective of that.

If I had a partner and he had a child who lived with us, I wouldn’t think twice. The child would be with us and therefore my income would be for them as well.

I just think it’s very cheeky from the rp, expecting a non resident stepparent to send you money.

I agree with you. We have shared finances aside from an equal amount of fun money. Step children aren’t a fun, non essential hobby, and I would expect joint household income to contribute to their core living needs. I would expect step children to be part of our family unit and I think maintaining separate finances for their essential needs undermines this.

I would include contributions to clothing, birthday presents and at least some extra curricular within essential needs.

If it was just based on finances then if I didn’t have to pay for myself then perhaps I would be able to afford to pay for my kids, but in our specific scenario I know he wouldn’t do that.

Edited to add - this is purely based on money obviously he doesn’t exclude my DC from family life and he is an excellent role model for them.

But both those costs are for the same thing so why the difference in attitude?

If we analysed posts for and against the OP’s statement, by the posters’ level of disposable and secure income, would we find a pattern?

That’s the most important thing of course. But how would you feel if your partner wanted to take you and your Dc for holidays and left your other DCs out? So then your DCs you have with your ex see you going on holiday without them just with your child you live full time with.

As a complete coincidence I just watched a quite emotional interview with Oliver Hudson (appeared on Facebook) about Kurt Russell and how much of a father figure he has been

You seem to get very agitated when someone disagrees with you.
I mean this kindly but do you think you may have issues with control?
I feel you need to be in complete control of everything? Maybe being left vulnerable in the past has made you like this by not wanting to be exposed to that vulnerability again.
As long as you and your husband are happy then that’s all you need to worry about but only if he is really happy and not just letting you take the reins in life for fear of speaking up or doing something you disagree with, he should feel comfortable spending what and on who he likes.
Deep down I’m sure your husband loves you and your child and would love to support you more.
My husband loves all our children and treats them all the same even though one isn’t his and that way nobody feels more or less than anyone else and he doesn’t count who has what because we are a family.