To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

Well each to there own, I didn't think about it tbh it just happened naturally as I had one when we first met and now 20 years on have to honestly say hubby has treat every single one his own and the one not in the exact same ways. People dont even know first isn't even his. But for us it's been a very happy family life because of always being the same with all

People speak of men earning a lot more than women so of course women are going to agree step parents should pay for the children more than likely the mothers children they are talking about, no I wont link so people dont have to beleive this problem course but when women have to contribute to the dads kids from a first relationship there is complaining

So is it another case of men's money is everyone's money but women's only for her own children or herself?

I completely agree.

I agree with you OP.

The problem is, as shown on this thread, far too many people don’t take personal responsibility for providing for their kids, and expect either their partners or the state to do it for them.

Personally I am happy to provide for SC whilst they’re at our home or school. I draw the line at providing for them when they’re in their (resident parent) mum’s house. So maintenance and anything that goes back with them comes from their dad.

I mean, on one hand you’re saying that you assume all financial responsibility for the kids that are biologically yours and that he only has responsibility for his one. But you married him, meaning that if you die he’s likely to inherit all your assets and pass it on to his biological child, leaving your other ones with nothing. Why on earth did you get married if you knew he had zero intention of treating his step kids like his own? I certainly wouldn’t…

OP, your new DH is doing alright isn't he. He's got his own kid that he pays 50/50 for with you and an extended family he doesn't have to fork out for. Win win for him.
I honestly don't think you realise how 'off' you sound. Normal people with normal relationships have the conversation about shared finances. No one walks into a relations with someone who already have kids and thinks, not my problem.
You sound privileged, naive and judgemental. Why on earth start this post? I think it's deliberate to evoke response, maybe journalism based.

You seem to be missing the point that many step parents are happy to financially muck in when they become part of a family. I married my DH when my older daughter was almost 3. My DH has always treated elder DD as part of his family. He had no children of his own but we went on to have another DD together and both children were treated exactly the same in all regards by DH. I can't imagine how complicated it would have been trying to work out for example what proportion of household bills older DD was responsible for so DH could have been absolved of responsibility for that amount. I never asked or expected DH to do any of this but he would have been horrified if I had suggested he never paid for anything for my older DD. She is now 33 and my DH and I paid jointly for her wedding a few years ago. Since we married we have been a family unit -simple as that. DH's will treats daughter and step daughter the same, in fact I don't think I've ever heard him refer to her as a step daughter. If asked if he has children he says 2 daughters.

Maybe this is because older DD's father is a feckless layabout who has never done a proper day's work in his life or ever been financially responsible for her and has been absent from her life altogether since she was 14. Anyway if your situation works for you OP then great but other families have a different vibe and are still perfectly happy. You seem overly hung up on money when families are surely about so much more.

I think with blended families you have to be all in to make it work in all honesty. Otherwise it’s a relationship with kids just tacked on rather than a family.

Yet another reason why blending families doesn't work.

It's a very personal thing, unique to the couple involved. It's up to the step parent to decide what they do with their money. But yes of course, there shouldn't be an expectation, that's a given. If the couple haven't had the conversation in advance of making the commitment to be together, more fool them,

I mean, you’re not somebody he met in the street, you’re married to him, correct? I couldn’t do it, that’s for sure.

So you have no complaint about your own situation, you just ... don't like it that other people who you don't know have apparently chosen to do things differently, or might have so chosen, in circumstances you admit you don't understand?

If so, then classic unambiguous YABU.

If not, then you need to explain what you're asking a whole magnitude of order better.

She's just trying to convince herself her situation is normal. It's not. I'd be embaresed to admit that the man I married didn't look after all of my children equally. Clearly finances are not equal in the relationship either if this is the set up. None of it sounds like a nice situation and there must be an impact on the children

I agree wholeheartedly. It's incredibly important to me that my DSC know that I actively want to be in their lives as a parent and that they weren't just some baggage that I was willing to work around in order to marry their dad. And I think that risk of damage is also compounded when the newly formed couple go on to have additional children together. How could my DSC possibly not feel like they're second-tier, semi-outsiders in our family if I prioritized their younger siblings while treating them as "other people's" children (to use OP's words)? My DH and I provide equally for all of the children we've brought into the family we chose to form because I would never be ok with any child in my home feeling that way.

@Mrsnothingthanks - you come across as smug and patronising.
I don't think it's the norm with blended families to be so anal with finances. You obviously earn enough to cover your own DC expenses, but what if you weren't? I thought the whole point of 'blending' families was to share responsibility, why else do it. If you lost your inheritance, job, got ill - I'm sure your presumed rich ex would help you and new partner out. Go you.
And no, none of this applies to me but I'm stunned anyone would start such a post.

I would never ever want to be a step parent because I wouldn't want to do the childcare ect for a child that wasn't mine. But I do think if you choose to be a step parent you should help provide/look after the child you choose to share a home with.

I'm glad my step dad doesn't think like you, I can only imagine how hurt childhood me would of been if he hadn't provided for us like his did the sibling he had with my mum after 8 years of being together. I can imagine my little face now 😅. Thankfully he was a decent man and treated all 3 of the children he wasn't related to, exactly like his biological child

I think your just trying to justify it to yourself because deep down you know your partner isn't a decent man

This is my opinion too and it's also the reason I wouldn't ever have a relationship with a man with children.... because I wouldn't want to look after any other children but my own 😅

Left the country so he didn’t have to pay any child support.

I think it’s bad for kids to live in a house with parent figure adults who don’t actively, affectionately and generously care for them, it’s harder for these kids to develop secure relationships themselves because they haven’t had that security of attachment.

Or the reverse like my stepmother: marry a widow, be horrible to his child, pocket the estate when he dies.

Well one of the "bio parents" of my DSC is asleep in our bed right now. Again, he and I are jointly responsible for the family we actively chose to create. I don't consider my decision to become a step-parent to be materially different than my choice to get pregnant or to adopt in this regard; I, an adult, consciously chose to bring these children into my life and family and thus to take responsibility for providing a home and secure, happy upbringing for them. If I didn't want to be responsible for children I didn't give birth to then I simply wouldn't have married someone who already had kids.

My DSC's mum also provides a wonderful home for them, because they're not a hot potato everyone is trying to dump into someone else's lap.

If you don’t want to be responsible for children, don’t marry their parents!!! It’s not too tricky to understand!

Husband’s family was ripped apart when he was a child by his father shacking up with a woman he worked with. Together, they treated original children as less than their subsequent children (it was very bad, holidays for new kids, not for previous, paid for weddings for the new ones, nothing for the weddings of the original kids- not even a wedding gift!) and as such, not many of the original children have contact. He hasn’t met most of his grandchildren. Sad state of affairs just because of his poor life choices….Truth be told, I do wonder if the siblings who went no contact were clever, such a poor example of a grandad, maybe better off without!
Either way, it’s not good taste to play ‘his and mine’ when it comes to children. It will often turn out badly, even if it takes a few years!

Well I am very proud to say my son has never treated his technical step although now adopted daughter .she was just a baby really when she came into her lives .I would be horrified if it was as you say you buy presents for your bio children does your hubby seriously not contribute to presents. and even shopping you contribute more .sorry thats not a family .that's you three all the time and another 2 some of the time certainly not one family.dont kid yourself your sons won't feel it because they will children always do

I can't remember how much it was for me, but it reduces and reduces further the more kids that they live with.

Can see why they do it on one hand. For example if the man moves in with a woman on benefits like my ex did, then the woman he moved in with would have had less in benefits as his income would be combined in her claim, so couldn't leave her kid starve to find mine. But I mostly think it is wrong, as it isn't the bio childs fault that dad moved in with new kids. And the examples from other posters above where both the exes houses were receiving money from elsewhere for the kids they live with anyway, so the exes had a double win there