To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

And if you married someone without kids would you expect him to be coughing up for yours?

Not talking about you. You asked a generic question and my reply to that question points to a set up where one of the kids is not fortunate enough to have two working parents like yours do.

But then you could end up with a poor kid/rich kid set up within the same household and that would be horribly toxic. Best to remain a single parent and go it entirely alone. You can't bring up two sets of kids under the same roof but with different circumstances. It's not the kids' fault one of their parents fucked up.

Your opinion is clearly based on your observations and experiences, and it goes without saying that you're entitled to it. It's a shame, though, that you cant seem to imagine any scenario where children's lives are all the better for the change

I personally think that parents who marry someone else are being quite selfish it makes everything so much more complicated financially and emotionally - it could work if the stepparent does not have thier own children and so easier to keep a line between kids and the stepparents contibution but blending families does just not work. It can never be perfectly equal with other family members involved and at some point at least some of the children are going to feel like the poor relation or not as loved. Just put your children first and then move in together once they have grown up.

But naturally you will, the two of you could live in a one bedroom home, your children mean you need bigger accommodation, if you're buying a house together that has an impact on his finances

If this works for you then carry on. I do think that people getting involved with someone with kids do need to realise what they’re taking on though & their is some responsibility to being with someone with children.

I am the higher earner lots of women aren't in that position though are they? And lots of women have worthless exs who don't provide, probably one of the reasons they are exs. I don't have any skin in the game as neither of us have step dc, but imo yabu.

I’m glad I never had to consider this in my own life as happily married. But I think it’s a balance, if I had step-kids I would want to treat them as I treat my own (ice creams, days out, odd new top) but not to buy them a car for eg.

My 'new' husband is, believe it or not, privvy to information that a demanding MNer isn't. I know... wild!

I am perfectly able to support my children alone. My 'new' husband knew that, and also preferred for that not to be the case. We have an incredibly happy and secure family, and you need not worry yourself about my poor husband's finances.

Why? People are different. Just because you are clearly obsessed with doing everything yourself doesn’t make it the only right way.

Just one right way that suits you

Should the state take it into account for CMS no of course they shouldn’t

they do for University Grants though - which actually I am not sure about

I had a boss like this once obsessed with the fact that the way she did things was the only right way and was dismissive of anything else even if the other ways were fine as well. She was a really difficult boss to have

it works for you great doesn’t mean it has to for all couples

Your kind of personal pride is rare these days OP.

It appears you are living in a way that suits your family. That's great. I'm curious though as to why you seem to want to impose it on other people as the 'right' way? You are very fortunate in having been able to achieve a secure financial position and that the father of your DC takes responsibility.
Other women may not have well paid jobs. Having children impacts earning potential and there is the GPG in general. Often the children's father does not pay his way. In such cases, it would be very difficult for a woman to take full responsibility for providing for her children to the level of lifestyle a new partner may want to maintain. If that partner is happy to offer some support to the DC and/or sees them as his family, that's no ones business but theirs.

Surely that's for him to decide, and not some random person on the Internet?

If he chooses to support the pp's kids because their biological father won't, what's it to you?

WTF???

no no no. The MOTHER steps up and gets a better job if SHE decides to move in with someone. Why is this someone else’s problem. This place blows my mind sometimes!

I think the Mumsnet way is to expect step dads to financially provide for their step children but a step mum so much as buying an ice cream is being taken advantage of

MN is batshit about step mums. We are supposed to pay for everything and bow down to those ‘poor’ stepchildren.

I do not and will not ever pay for my step kids. They have two parents. My kids also have two parents so my husband is not responsible for my kids either.

there are just tonnes and tonnes of people who want someone else to pay for them so they dont have to make the effort.

Yes, that's the one!

I think it can depend on so many things. I've no intention of marrying anyone anyway so this is all hypothetical, but if I did I'd happily continue to support my own son if nothing else was changing.
But if we had another child that meant I took a career break/reduced hours because we both thought that was best, I'd expect more financial support from my husband because I'd no longer have as much.
(I'm sure there are men out there who want a housewife but still don't want to pay towards her existing children!)