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Original poster

DP putting his foot in it when meeting my friends for first time

286 replies

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 20:50

I moved away from my hometown a few years ago for work, so don’t get back often. However I met up with friends over the weekend and introduced them to my DP. He rather put his foot in it, but swears it was nerves and he meant nothing by it. To not be too graphic, he basically told one of my friends that his ex would ‘allow’ a specific sex act at Christmas and on his Birthday. I wasn’t part of said conversation, but my friend told me and he admitted it. My friend said it was barely relevant to their conversation. Would you give him the benefit of the doubt if he’s otherwise been a great partner? Or do you think it’s a sign?

OP posts:
Goditsmemargaret · 02/12/2025 09:56

Ugh to all of that.

I remember my best friend laughingly telling me she absolutely hated anal sex but allowed it on his birthday and Christmas. She actually demonstrated how she'd pull a painful face and say get it over with then she'd suffer physically for a few days afterwards. I thought it was wrong on so many levels and I never looked at her DH the same again after that. He seemed like such a nice guy but he was a self serving bully. I still want to cry thinking about it and how she laughed at the fact her then husband was hurting her.

I actually can't imagine a man admitting to this behaviour himself.

It would put me off him a lot but I don't know him and you need to weigh up things in a wider context.

Negroany · 02/12/2025 09:56

Talking about anal sex is always a red flag. No matter what the setting.

metalbottle · 02/12/2025 09:51

Ick. Get rid.

amusedbush · 02/12/2025 09:50

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 02/12/2025 08:55

Christmas anal.
I am already seeing next years John Lewis advert.
And as for the carrot...

Posts like this are why we need the laugh reaction back 👌🏻

Tigerbalmshark · 02/12/2025 09:43

So your friend said she was always exhausted by the end of the day on Christmas Day, and he piped up “yes my ex was always completely exhausted too, because she let me fuck her up the arse as a Christmas treat”?

That’s grim OP. Really grim.

IsawwhatIsaw · 02/12/2025 09:43

Read a very similar post a while back…

GAJLY · 02/12/2025 09:33

That's so gross that his mind jumped there and said it to your friend! It wasn't needed and such a strange thing to say.

Hons123 · 02/12/2025 09:32

Beyond odd and a massive sign. So inappropriate, no words.

KimberleyClark · 02/12/2025 09:30

I can’t imagine being with someone who would say something like that to someone they’ve just met.

Redpeach · 02/12/2025 09:27

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 02/12/2025 08:55

Christmas anal.
I am already seeing next years John Lewis advert.
And as for the carrot...

Not to be confused with the christmas angel

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 02/12/2025 09:27

Well, he’s embarrassed himself and shown poor judgement. Not sure why he thought a woman he barely knows would care for that irrelevant info about his ex - surely nerves doesn’t make you an idiot in that way. I’d ask him more about why he lacked the judgement to say it and what he was hoping to achieve. A laugh? Does he feel silly? If he’s ashamed I’d probably let it go this once.

ForCraftyWriter · 02/12/2025 09:26

Onlinebutoffline · 02/12/2025 09:15

2 pints of 3.4%abv is 4 units, so he would likely have been over the limit, depending on how good his body is at processing it.
They used to say 4 units was the max allowed with driving, but it depends on the person and how their body deals with it as the actual limit is 35micrograms/100ml breath in England and Wales, but 22ug/100ml in Scotland.

Also, he was massively inappropriate towards your friend. He probably fancied her and thought it would impress her or something.
Whatever the reason, though, it's gross. Dump him.

Show quote history

I don’t know where you’ve got that 4 units is usually legal to drive, it usually is not

B1anche · 02/12/2025 09:23

Why are you even asking? Trust your friend's judgement and bin him. He sounds awful. Nerves is no excuse. Would he have made the same comments to your mum or dad? Or a client? Or his boss? He is a dirty little sleaze who was hoping that your friend would share some of her own sexual experiences. And what is with the word "allow"? Sounds like his ex has had a lucky escape.

Onlinebutoffline · 02/12/2025 09:15

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 21:33

He was drinking 3.4% bottled cider, I don’t think driving an issue.

2 pints of 3.4%abv is 4 units, so he would likely have been over the limit, depending on how good his body is at processing it.
They used to say 4 units was the max allowed with driving, but it depends on the person and how their body deals with it as the actual limit is 35micrograms/100ml breath in England and Wales, but 22ug/100ml in Scotland.

Also, he was massively inappropriate towards your friend. He probably fancied her and thought it would impress her or something.
Whatever the reason, though, it's gross. Dump him.

Zempy · 02/12/2025 09:15

He’s a sleazy man who drinks and drives.

Dump!

NormasArse · 02/12/2025 09:15

Ugh.

He sounds like my friend’s partner- that’s the kind of thing he says. He’s also an abusive pig.

MySilentLions · 02/12/2025 09:14

BatshitOutofHell · 02/12/2025 08:17

Your friend told you because she doesn’t like him and doesn’t think you should be with him - but is too polite to say.

Yup.

godmum56 · 02/12/2025 09:11

sounds like a dodged bullet to me.

ladymalfoy45 · 02/12/2025 09:09

Are you dating Gene Hunt?

sandyhappypeople · 02/12/2025 09:07

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 21:33

He was drinking 3.4% bottled cider, I don’t think driving an issue.

I don't know anyone who would describe a bottled drink like that as 'a pint', so seems to be a bit of backtracking going on there.

I think there should be a zero tolerance on alcohol anyway tbh.

Ellie56 · 02/12/2025 09:05

Eww! he sounds grim. You can do better. And you should be concerned about the drinking and driving too.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/12/2025 09:04

Bleurgh.

Gfdeh · 02/12/2025 09:03

Oh and he absolutely drinks and drives.
Up your standards OP.

StrangePaint · 02/12/2025 09:02

JustChillin70 · 02/12/2025 08:42

If your friend was saying that Christmas was so full on that by evening all she was capable of was sleeping and he remarked that his ex wanted to do a certain sex act at that time rather than sleep, then I wouldn’t dump him for. Whilst it may not have been the best thing to say it’s hardly horrific or any kind of red flag and certainly not worth breaking up for. People can be so self righteous on here at times, you’d think they’d never said something they wished they hadn’t.

If your bar was any lower, you’d have to pick it up off the ground.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 02/12/2025 08:55

Christmas anal.
I am already seeing next years John Lewis advert.
And as for the carrot...