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Original poster

DP putting his foot in it when meeting my friends for first time

286 replies

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 20:50

I moved away from my hometown a few years ago for work, so don’t get back often. However I met up with friends over the weekend and introduced them to my DP. He rather put his foot in it, but swears it was nerves and he meant nothing by it. To not be too graphic, he basically told one of my friends that his ex would ‘allow’ a specific sex act at Christmas and on his Birthday. I wasn’t part of said conversation, but my friend told me and he admitted it. My friend said it was barely relevant to their conversation. Would you give him the benefit of the doubt if he’s otherwise been a great partner? Or do you think it’s a sign?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2025 12:26

If thinking a man discussing a sex act with a female friend of his GF's the first time he meets her when the subject is Christmas Day is awful makes me "Po Faced" then thats fine

Checknotmymate · 02/12/2025 12:20

CorvusPurpureus · 01/12/2025 21:15

Plus he shouldn't be having 'a couple of pints' if he's driving. No, chuck this one back, he's a dickhead.

Agree. That's the worst thing. If you're driving you don't drink.

sonjadog · 02/12/2025 12:18

Did you post about this before? I remember a similar thread a while back...

Petitchat · 02/12/2025 12:13

Lurker25 · 01/12/2025 20:58

He’d had a couple of pints at that point but was driving so that was all.

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He doesn't think much of you if he's drinking two pints then driving you around...

B1anche · 02/12/2025 12:06

TwistedWonder · 02/12/2025 12:03

Let’s not forget the drink driving that the OP doesn’t think it’s an issue because ‘it’s only a couple of pints’

Until i joined this site, I had no idea that so many women make excuses for low bar men

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Yes, I guess they'd rather have anything than no man at all. I saw "dick before dignity" quoted on here recently. Seems it's true for a lot of women.

TwistedWonder · 02/12/2025 12:03

B1anche · 02/12/2025 12:01

Wow...be careful you don't trip over that low bar of yours.

It's not about being "po-faced", it's about having dignity and self-respect.

Nerves and foot-in-mouth? He was talking to people he had only just met about sex with his reluctant ex-girlfriend. Do you always make excuses for men's bad behaviour? No wonder so many think they can get away with it.

Show quote history

Let’s not forget the drink driving that the OP doesn’t think it’s an issue because ‘it’s only a couple of pints’

Until i joined this site, I had no idea that so many women make excuses for low bar men

B1anche · 02/12/2025 12:01

ThisTaupeZebra · 02/12/2025 10:53

You are getting some po-faced responses here OP.

It's not great behaviour, but if it is a genuine one-off then I would put it down to nerves and foot-in-mouth syndrome. Almost like he was trying to show-off/banter with your friends and it all just went terribly wrong?

I would expect a genuine arsehole to have come up with something a bit more offensive than some 80s/90s sitcom crap tbh.

How old are you both, and has he apologised yet?

Wow...be careful you don't trip over that low bar of yours.

It's not about being "po-faced", it's about having dignity and self-respect.

Nerves and foot-in-mouth? He was talking to people he had only just met about sex with his reluctant ex-girlfriend. Do you always make excuses for men's bad behaviour? No wonder so many think they can get away with it.

BunnyLake · 02/12/2025 11:58

Just imagine him at your work’s Christmas do, your parents for dinner, or just about any social event. This would be enough for me to know he wasn’t right for me.

Samiloff · 02/12/2025 11:58

Crass and ick-inducing but unlike most of the other posters I don’t think it’s completely unforgivable. I would never have said anything like that, but I have said some pretty stupid things in the past when trying too hard with new people. If that’s the first thing he’s done that you don’t like I’d give him the benefit of the doubt just this once.

bigboykitty · 02/12/2025 11:40

'Putting his foot in it' doesn't really cover it OP. He's a total creep with terrible boundaries, but I expect you've got that message now.

Misanthropologie · 02/12/2025 11:36

It's not a conventional conversation starter, no. Has he form for TMI?

VIOLETPUGH · 02/12/2025 11:15

Gross , he is a creep. If he's talking like this to someone he hasnt met before what's he like with those he knows !! Massive red flag !

Wishimaywishimight · 02/12/2025 11:09

Sounds like he was trying to be 'Billy Big Balls' and showing off. He clearly doesn't know women if he thought this would impress your female friends.

I would find it seriously off-putting that a new DP would be talking to my friends about sex acts. He is either showing off or flirting.

ThisTaupeZebra · 02/12/2025 10:53

You are getting some po-faced responses here OP.

It's not great behaviour, but if it is a genuine one-off then I would put it down to nerves and foot-in-mouth syndrome. Almost like he was trying to show-off/banter with your friends and it all just went terribly wrong?

I would expect a genuine arsehole to have come up with something a bit more offensive than some 80s/90s sitcom crap tbh.

How old are you both, and has he apologised yet?

CagneyNYPD1 · 02/12/2025 10:52

IcyPuddles · 01/12/2025 21:41

The first time he meets your friends and his go to conversation topic is sex with his ex.

I mean, as moves go, it’s an original one. And also really really bizarre.

This is spot on.

u3ername · 02/12/2025 10:48

Do you think he found your friend attractive and was showing off (in his misjudged way)?
Because why is his mind even on sexual acts at this situation?

ldnmusic87 · 02/12/2025 10:41

Horrendous

OneBookTooMany · 02/12/2025 10:40

JustChillin70 · 02/12/2025 08:42

If your friend was saying that Christmas was so full on that by evening all she was capable of was sleeping and he remarked that his ex wanted to do a certain sex act at that time rather than sleep, then I wouldn’t dump him for. Whilst it may not have been the best thing to say it’s hardly horrific or any kind of red flag and certainly not worth breaking up for. People can be so self righteous on here at times, you’d think they’d never said something they wished they hadn’t.

I have heard that there are women who excuse and even encourage this public lewdness, usually as they loiter in the town centre slurping from a bottle of larger.
Always happy to make excuses for any old goat.

Each to their end but this would be one boyfriend that I wouldn't keep. Everyone has sex but most people don't feel the need to talk about in public situations with someone they have just met.

There is something unsavoury about him.

Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2025 10:40

Thats not "putting your foot in it", thats being a sleazy fucker

purplecorkheart · 02/12/2025 10:35

There are so many red flags.

At worse he carried out an sex act on his partner that she was may not have been willing carrying out.

He discussed an very private act between and his ex partner with a virtual stranger. Clearly has no respect for women.

He was creepy and sleezy with your friend.

He has no idea of what appropriate conversation is.

He takes no responsibility for his action and instead looks ways to pass off blame, in this case nerves.

He drinks and drives.

Your friend hate him.

NimbleDreamer · 02/12/2025 10:28

LTB

TheFeetOfOphelia · 02/12/2025 10:04

Goditsmemargaret · 02/12/2025 09:56

Ugh to all of that.

I remember my best friend laughingly telling me she absolutely hated anal sex but allowed it on his birthday and Christmas. She actually demonstrated how she'd pull a painful face and say get it over with then she'd suffer physically for a few days afterwards. I thought it was wrong on so many levels and I never looked at her DH the same again after that. He seemed like such a nice guy but he was a self serving bully. I still want to cry thinking about it and how she laughed at the fact her then husband was hurting her.

I actually can't imagine a man admitting to this behaviour himself.

It would put me off him a lot but I don't know him and you need to weigh up things in a wider context.

That's horrific. What a rapey, disgusting man.

AquaForce · 02/12/2025 10:03

SquareHead37 · 01/12/2025 21:38

It sounds like this was something she didn't enjoy, but he was willing to do it with someone conceding for a special occasion rather than enthusiastically participating? Red flag.

This. It’s really grim actually.

I missed that. I think you're both right. No reason to ration a sex act that you enjoy.

AquaForce · 02/12/2025 10:01

He put his foot in it
I hope that's not the sex act - ouch.....

Nerves is a bullshit blanket to cover this behaviour. I get nervous with new people but I've never filled the silence with anecdotes of sex with an ex.

I'd throw this one back to be honest. I'd be on edge wondering when the next indiscretion will happen. People generally show you who they are. He's the bloke who might make other women uncomfortable. He might become the 'plus one' nobody wants to invite.

My friend's husband was a really creepy man. The first time I visited was the last time. I missed the friendship but they came as a package now and I just couldn't be around him. He was really inappropriate and made loud sex noises when he was eating. Yuk. They weren't married long, she sent him back to his mother.

EstherGreenwood63 · 02/12/2025 09:57

IGNORE THIS AT YOUR PERIL OP. He's not a keeper.

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