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Original poster

DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

661 replies

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 03/12/2025 06:33

They weren't embarrassed though @kersh33 and they manage to not do it in public, I think if they had been and apologised then OP wouldn't have been so upset. OP has said their 'vibe' was more providing entertainment than embarrassment.

Kateluvscats1 · 03/12/2025 05:24

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 01/12/2025 18:19

Nah, sorry but thats rank 🤑

Agree, and it's not up to the host to ask them what they can eat, it's up to the guests to avoid the foods which give them stomach issues.

kersh33 · 03/12/2025 05:12

And I would also add for PP saying that everyone can control their farts, I hope you never have IBS or a gut issue. It can be miserable, uncomfortable as well pretty embarrassing.

kersh33 · 03/12/2025 05:09

I think on the whole the tone is quite unsympathetic. I have close friends with IBS and my husband reacts badly to certain foods ( onion, garlic, mushrooms). This can be quite a debilitating medical issue and it’s not always as easy as saying they should excuse themselves. In my friends’ cases it would mean they could spend the majority of the day getting up and down.

As a host, I do try and avoid trigger foods and make sure I have alternatives and flag any non- obvious ingredients I.e I used garlic with vegetables or onion in the gravy.

I love my friends (and DH obviously) and wouldn’t dream of making them unwelcome in my home for something they can’t control and are self conscious about enough already.

banananas1999 · 03/12/2025 05:06

With celiac,ibs etc trigger foods are very easy to identify and if they have intolerances they must know about them, your husband is a melt, scared to ask his parents to behave and go to the bathroom if they cant control their spincher

banananas1999 · 03/12/2025 05:02

Octavia64 · 01/12/2025 18:13

Did you feed them stuff they are intolerant to?

I’m like that if I eat any dairy products. Easy solution is that people don’t feed me dairy.

Doubt they wee spooon fed, they must knownwhat their triggers are

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 03/12/2025 04:41

notallwhowanderare · 02/12/2025 23:53

Yep, you have, repeatedly. HTH.

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Sure hun.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 04:23

Growlybear83 · 02/12/2025 20:59

I think you’re being absolutely ridiculous and very very unreasonable. They farted for goodness sake - they didn’t insult you, damage anything, crap on the sofa or cause a mess! Everyone farts and thankfully most people aren’t quite as uptight as you about a perfectly normal bodily function. It’s only on Mumsnet when people are told they should leave the room or go to the lavatory if they want to break wind - in real life most people don’t have time to choose to leave the room to fart. Many people fart quite robustly after turkey and sprouts, so just buy some nice Christmassy room spray and don’t to such a misery.

If that is the case, why isn't everyone just farting at will all the time? Would you do this in a meeting at work? What about serving staff in restaurants? Would you be OK with them just farting away while serving your food? Most people can and will hold a fart back if they are in the company of other people.

Performative farting, where some people lift a leg or announce it's coming, are the absolute worst. It's a normal bodily function that most normal, polite people manage to hold back outside their own homes and in the company of other people.

Zanzara · 03/12/2025 04:23

Catwalking · 01/12/2025 18:50

absolutely not!
How do some prat’s manage to set fire to their farts if it’s ‘only wind’?

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Well there's your afternoon entertainment sorted, OP!

They sound revolting.

MeTooOverHere · 03/12/2025 04:01

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 00:34

Are you saying you think they were trying to taint/pollute the new house with fart?

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Well what does it sound like to you? If you ‘know ... eating that makes it flare up’ and you choose to eat that food.
Then don't apologise. Nor remove yourself to the bathroom.

ThisLittlePony · 03/12/2025 03:55

DeepRubySwan · 03/12/2025 02:52

I think what I was trying to get across is, yes it's gross, but they are family. If it were friends doing this sure, block them. But this is your husband's mother and sister and it's going to cause untold problems between you both which could be avoided if you were just more tolerant. His comment about the mortgage sucks but so does your threat to uninvite them to Christmas.

So shut up and put up op?
dh and his family are above you in importance and what they want and do matters… you don’t?

Muffinmam · 03/12/2025 03:40

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 22:50

Them coming. He says as he pays more towards the Mortgage he gets the final say.

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And you’re the one cooking. So you get final say as to who eats the food you prepare.

DeepRubySwan · 03/12/2025 02:52

I think what I was trying to get across is, yes it's gross, but they are family. If it were friends doing this sure, block them. But this is your husband's mother and sister and it's going to cause untold problems between you both which could be avoided if you were just more tolerant. His comment about the mortgage sucks but so does your threat to uninvite them to Christmas.

Jane143 · 03/12/2025 02:36

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/12/2025 18:52

There's a difference between normal body functioning and doing it for entertainment. The OP makes it sound as though they're lifting up a hip to try and outdo one another.

It’s half 2 am here, I can’t sleep, reached for MN to hopefully tire my eyes out and instead I’m childishly laugh crying silently in bed at this! OMG!🤣🤣🤣

Mothership4two · 03/12/2025 01:17

@Calliopespa

And they thought "we'll give you air alright ..."!

😂

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 01:01

Mothership4two · 03/12/2025 00:54

Maybe they were having a dig at the OP ganging up knowing it would upset her and that her DH wouldn't support her? She has basically been told she's making a fuss about nothing, she's giving herself airs and has to lump it because she isn't the major breadwinner even though she seems to be the only one actually doing anything towards hosting.

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she's giving herself airs

And they thought "we'll give you air alright ..."!

Mothership4two · 03/12/2025 00:54

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 00:34

Are you saying you think they were trying to taint/pollute the new house with fart?

Show quote history

Maybe they were having a dig at the OP ganging up knowing it would upset her and that her DH wouldn't support her? She has basically been told she's making a fuss about nothing, she's giving herself airs and has to lump it because she isn't the major breadwinner even though she seems to be the only one actually doing anything towards hosting.

Mothership4two · 03/12/2025 00:49

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 02/12/2025 20:14

So nut jobs, who don't realize clothes completely contain all the particles, even in sterile labs. Scientists have literally tested this. Its completely safe to particles in a sterile environment. It doesn't affect anything.

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It does affect something, your nose and your well-being.

I don't want to smell the byproduct gas of other people's gut bacteria breaking down food in their intestines thanks.

Grammarnut · 03/12/2025 00:41

BringBackCatsEyes · 02/12/2025 19:48

They knew she was serving a roast, the guests should have said at that point.
We all find farts funny. An hour of adults doing so w/o a care in the world in someone else's home isn't nice.

Not everyone farts more during perimenopause.

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But once in menopause most women do.

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 00:34

MeTooOverHere · 03/12/2025 00:10

The situation is they CHOSE to eat foods they knew would cause farting plus that it happened immediately after eating shows either they ingested a lot of air as they ate OR they had already loaded up before arriving.
Since this is the first time it's happened - and in a newly acquired house - and it was repeated, not just once or twice - it sounds to me like it was planned. Very rude and very much insulting to you.

Are you saying you think they were trying to taint/pollute the new house with fart?

Grammarnut · 03/12/2025 00:23

Mothership4two · 02/12/2025 19:57

I am postmenopausal and somehow have managed not to let rip in front of others - I would be embarrassed to do it in front of ILs or DP. Obviously farting is natural but for guests to sit unapologetically tooting away is just rude. Her children may have found it funny but OP didn't, she just had to tolerate it in her own house. To me it sounds deliberately rude and pointed. It sounds, from OP's posts, as though she provided a selection of foods and they helped themselves to the 'dodgy' ones - so set themselves up.

Sometimes I think I have gone into a parallel universe on MN

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So do I. Farting is embarrassing. It depends how far you are into the menopause how much control you have over farts. At some point, not much. True, DP's IL's do seem rude - it's not just the farting.

MeTooOverHere · 03/12/2025 00:10

The situation is they CHOSE to eat foods they knew would cause farting plus that it happened immediately after eating shows either they ingested a lot of air as they ate OR they had already loaded up before arriving.
Since this is the first time it's happened - and in a newly acquired house - and it was repeated, not just once or twice - it sounds to me like it was planned. Very rude and very much insulting to you.

Calliopespa · 02/12/2025 23:59

Maddy70 · 02/12/2025 23:06

You just need to tell thwm. You're welcome to come but please don't fart. Go to the bathroom if you need to .... Your DH needs to lead on this

You're welcome to come but please don't fart.😂

notallwhowanderare · 02/12/2025 23:53

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 02/12/2025 22:15

Nope. Never had anything deleted. I'm sure you have though.

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Yep, you have, repeatedly. HTH.

JungAtHeart · 02/12/2025 23:34

I’m 💯 with you OP. I couldn’t have them back in my house again … it’s gross! We all pass wind but they could easily go to the bathroom.