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DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

661 replies

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

OP posts:
TheMorgenmuffel · 01/12/2025 18:54

Bloody gross.
Let them all go out for lunch and fart there.

Leopardsandcheetahsarefast · 01/12/2025 18:53

twoshedsjackson · 01/12/2025 18:13

He's already come up with an alternative, and "offered" to take them for a pub lunch.
Accept cheerfully as a positive solution; wait for the back-pedalling.
I suspect that they will be more circumspect about their flatulence in a public setting, as well.

This brilliant solution

Shinyandnew1 · 01/12/2025 18:53

DH pulling his weight in the kitchen?

What do you mean? He doesn't cook? Wash up?

So, was his only contribution to the meal bringing excuses for why his family won't stop farting?

What a prize catch of in laws...

ExtraOnions · 01/12/2025 18:53

Light a candle, and turn the volume up

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:52

Tryingatleast · 01/12/2025 18:47

Op while I hate the idea of the lack of an excuse me, especially in front of the kids, I can’t help but think reverse it- imagine your dh saying it to you, that your family aren’t welcome

I don't know about the OP, but if my own family was behaving like that, I wouldn't invite them for Christmas lunch in my home either.

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:52

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/12/2025 18:52

There's a difference between normal body functioning and doing it for entertainment. The OP makes it sound as though they're lifting up a hip to try and outdo one another.

Yes, this is more or less the ‘vibe’

OP posts:
ThisLittlePony · 01/12/2025 18:52

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

Well unless dh wants to make the full meal they’ll get what’s made.
they don’t have to come! Tell dh in a very sympathetic concerned tone how awful you feel for their intolerances being triggered you’re making a very simple fodmap Christmas meal…
carrot soup
turkey breast-plain, green beans, carrots, plain boiled potatoes
melon sorbet..

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/12/2025 18:52

There's a difference between normal body functioning and doing it for entertainment. The OP makes it sound as though they're lifting up a hip to try and outdo one another.

Ponderingwindow · 01/12/2025 18:51

Even if the menu is generally a Sunday roast, I would still expect a close family member like a son to plan the menu with my allergies and intolerances in mind. They shouldn’t need reminding.

Catwalking · 01/12/2025 18:50

BobblyBobbleHat · 01/12/2025 18:18

It's just wind, you are being a bit silly about it.

absolutely not!
How do some prat’s manage to set fire to their farts if it’s ‘only wind’?

Orders76 · 01/12/2025 18:50

As someone said farting in front of your partner is one thing, I can't believe people think it's ok to go to someone's house and let loose!
Surely you can't hold it in for couple of hours, or nip to loo once in a while.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 01/12/2025 18:49

Get them some of those charcoal-filtered flatulence pants and send over ahead of time. Slap some stickers on them and say "Santa sent you your Christmas Day knickers ... please be sure to wear them."

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:48

Hedgehogx · 01/12/2025 18:47

It`s a fart just wind we all do it, they have to come out at some point.

However i understand you op i really do, my exs family was like this without the belly isuses.
They would fart let rip on purpose thinking it was funny.
It was disgusting.
I get that sometimes it cant be helped and the odd one pops out, but not like that.
And the smell would make me reach.

Op my advice is to have lunch outside i dont think i could breath indoors.

Outside wouldn’t work, we haven’t had the chance to do the garden and whilst there’s a patio we’d need to get heaters etc, just too much faff!

OP posts:
Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:48

Tryingatleast · 01/12/2025 18:47

Op while I hate the idea of the lack of an excuse me, especially in front of the kids, I can’t help but think reverse it- imagine your dh saying it to you, that your family aren’t welcome

If they behaved like them then I’d genuinely understand it, but they wouldn’t dare thankfully.

OP posts:
Hedgehogx · 01/12/2025 18:47

It`s a fart just wind we all do it, they have to come out at some point.

However i understand you op i really do, my exs family was like this without the belly isuses.
They would fart let rip on purpose thinking it was funny.
It was disgusting.
I get that sometimes it cant be helped and the odd one pops out, but not like that.
And the smell would make me reach.

Op my advice is to have lunch outside i dont think i could breath indoors.

Tryingatleast · 01/12/2025 18:47

Op while I hate the idea of the lack of an excuse me, especially in front of the kids, I can’t help but think reverse it- imagine your dh saying it to you, that your family aren’t welcome

user1471453601 · 01/12/2025 18:47

As an old person I fart far more often than I used to. Apparently it's a thing that happens as you age.

Sometimes, when I get up out of my chair, it sounds like the opening bars of The Last Post.

we all fart. I used to excuse my self and leave the room when I was younger. These days, I've no idea a fart is pending. The good news is, my old age farts don't seem to smell.

Unless, oh no, I've also lost my sense of smell 😏

CheeseIsMyIdol · 01/12/2025 18:47

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

I can picture it.

If you cannot uninvite them, can you just do a few finger foods? With windows open and copious incense or scented candles burning. And a perfumed hankie at hand.

And have your festive meal on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, sans them? i wouldn't go to the trouble of preparing a big meal for people who are openly disrespectful of me.

Also your husband should have your back.

user1471453601 · 01/12/2025 18:46

As an old person I fart far more often than I used to. Apparently it's a thing that happens as you age.

Sometimes, when I get up out of my chair, it sounds like the opening bars of The Last Post.

we all fart. I used to excuse my self and leave the room when I was younger. These days, I've no idea a fart is pending. The good news is, my old age farts don't seem to smell.

Unless, oh no, I've also lost my sense of smell 😏

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:45

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

But that's her "them problem" 😂

If she doesn't accept the diner served on the day, she's welcome to stop in McDonald on the way home

You don't ask for people's opinion when you host.

Gfdeh · 01/12/2025 18:44

Yanbu.
You clearly married down.
Really down.
That your husband thinks such vile behaviour is normal tells you so much.
Can you go to your family for Christmas and let him and the dregs go to the pub?

CheeseIsMyIdol · 01/12/2025 18:44

There is no way in a million years I would allow my festive Christmas to be tainted in that manner.

Clearly they have contempt and disrespect for you, OP. Would they do that at their neighbours' or their bosses' homes? Of course not.

Let him take them out to the pub. They've shown what they are.

vincettenoir · 01/12/2025 18:42

If you want to try and discourage the farting in front of your kids or make different plans for next year then that’s reasonable enough. But I think uninviting them is disproportionate and it sounds like it will hurt your DH.

AnotherNameChange1234567 · 01/12/2025 18:41

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:14

I didn’t put anything in their mouths. They self served what they wanted and didn’t care for the consequences.

What are they intolerant to?

What did you cook, and what options were available if they didn’t eat their trigger foods?

It may be that suggestions can be made to adapt Christmas lunch to avoid the 🍑 💨

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:38

If you MUST have them,
I would have my Christmas Diner on Christmas Eve, and/or Boxing day

and serve lean fish and courgette for lunch, something as light as their stomach as possible, and give a pizza to the kids.

If DH has an opinion, he's welcome to cook the entire meal instead.

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

OP posts: