DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

Diverticular not particular!!

Yanbu I have stomach issues and can be seconds from oh shit I’ve shit. I’ve never ever once farted in my In-laws livingroom or around their dining table or in their kitchen.

I go to the bathroom like a civilised guest not some pig. If one did happen to squeak out I’d be mortified and apologise not sit there laughing with the children like a farty trumpet.

I love when people say "only on MN". You know that posters come from the real world, don't you?

You hear TV presenters fart and burp loudly, do you?
You think people who burp and fart in interviews get the job?

It's very widely considered disgusting. Some posters on MN think it endearing, cute and funny, and feel it's cosy to fart in front of their partners. That's not the majority 😂

I ha e a particular issue and know just how it feels to have rumbling Tim and bot. However, there is no way I would sit at a table and just let rip! Atrocious manners. Even if I had to spend most of the time in the loo! Dreadful example for your children.

Personally I’d just let DH do the hosting for Sunday dinners and Christmas. He can do the cooking and clearing and I’d just sit idly by. I wouldn’t be hosting people like that, so he can host them. Bet you did and do all the cooking and cleaning for these events..

Invite them, feed them, and at the first fart open ALL the windows and doors and freeze them out!

I think their attitude is the worst thing. It makes you uncomfortable and they are not trying to moderate it or hide it. I think it’s rude.

They should be more careful what they eat though it can be hard when a nice roast is in offer. I am dairy and gluten intolerant and a lot of things give me trapped wind. My DM has ulcerated colitis so she also gets wind, and now she’s getting older she finds it harder to hold it in. Yes it’s pretty grim but if they hold it in they will feel pretty unwell. I would suggest a walk after Christmas lunch, at least then they can fart outside and hopefully get it all out before returning 😬

he could declare that he's not lifting a finger and doing all the work for a family who shows no respect and no gratitude

that's only fair

My other half has a horrible autoimmune illness which has really messed up his stomach and bowels. He STILL manages to excuse himself if we are out and he thinks there's going to be any sort of an, ahem, incident. If it's a flare-up, he will just stay home and doesn't socialise for that period.

And no we are not upright about farting!

I have terrible stomach issues as well, which causes me to burp ALOT! I often pass wind as well.

When I am with company I do my absolute level best to either hide it, be discreet or leave the room. But its not always possible and I will apologise. Its mortifying for me, but I really can't help it. I've just had another round of medical tests to try to find the cause, and still the Doctors have come up with zero.

The fact your inlaws are trying to be "obvious" with it, seems rather crass. I feel bad for their issues, but there should be decorum surely.

You’re being ridiculous. Only on MN is farting considered disgusting. Some people can’t help it and if they’re with family why should they have to keep getting up and going to a different room? Bonkers! Your DH is right you are prudish.

Some things are more important than "feeling relaxed."

I'd rather have people feel on edge and keep their gas to themselves, than have them relaxed and flatulating all over my sofa cushions.

Hi OP I’ve had my bowel removed and have problems with excessive wind which smells horrendous but funnily enough I plan eating and make sure I go to the loo or outside to pass wind. I never do it in front of other people! They sound excessively lazy or selfish to me and they are making zero effort to be considerate. I’d text your husband to say you’ve thought about it and you think lunch out is best for everyone.

@Christmasdayissue This is grim and I would be unable to stay in the same room as them so you have my total sympathy.

Yes I'm 'weirdly prudish' about people farting in front of me. It's incredibly rude and pretty grim especially if smelly. As they don't do it when out then they know it's rude too. Sorry but you just don't go to someone else's house and repeatedly intentionally break wind unless you are a mannerless twat (or a dog).

I vaguely remember Gaddafi farting through an interview with a British (BBC?) journalist to show his disrespect

'The joy that farts can bring' is a new one on me. Maybe I have been missing out all these years.

Sometimes you can’t help it and if it’s anything like me, eating can upset me and it isn’t a specific food, even healthy foods. There are food in my case which are less likely but nothing you would serve guests (boring, low fat, no gravy or sauce, low sugar, low gi)

Good grief.

Just create a No Fart Zone somewhere.

How did you manage to marry a man; have kids with him and not know the score regarding inlaw musical toot protocols yet?

Is the issue gluten or dairy? Both myself and my 4 year old have digestive issues so do not eat things that will cause inflammation - very simple. Even my 4 year old will say, “I can’t eat that it will give me a sore tummy”. A number of people I know who have issues digesting certain foods use digestive enzymes when eating them on special occasions. I don’t know any grown adults who use digestive issues as an excuse to fart.

If it was me I would say “I am concerned my food made you so ill the last time, particularly with all the articles coming out about the dangers of inflammation to long term health (bowel cancer, arthritis, dementia etc), could you let me know exactly what your intolerances are so I can cook around this or are there some digestive enzymes you could take to help you digest the food.” I honestly would not want to sit around inhaling other people’s airborne poo particles because that is exactly what a fart is!

I’m genuinely so surprised T how many people seem to think it’s absolutely fine for two grown adults to sit farting and going all afternoon with not even an ‘excuse me/sorry’ ?! It’s appallingly bad manners and so gross. I’d feel the same as you op.

Better out than in (especially with gastro problems)! I mean, if the issues are bad, then jumping up to leave the room every few minutes would be insane. Just let it all out.

Do you not fart in front of your kids, @Christmasdayissue?

I think the foibles of other people's families are just something we have to deal with at Christmas sometimes. Plenty of people assume they can fart with abandon around their immediate family and personally I'd want my in-laws to feel relaxed in my house rather than have them feeling like they had to be on their best behaviour!

As for 'setting a bad example to your children', it's not like your kids are suddenly going to become more flatulent just because they giggle when their grandma/auntie lets rip.