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Original poster

DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

661 replies

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

OP posts:
SJParker · 01/12/2025 19:41

Behaving in such a boorish and disgusting manner - particularly when you are a guest in someone else’s house? Completely unacceptable. I would have asked them to refrain at the time, politely.

Had they refused, or made light of it - I would have held my tongue until they had left, before informing DH that you would not be hosting them for Xmas, given their digestive issues. DH’s threat to take them to the pub for Xmas lunch (presumably with DC) would have been met with my agreement - and if was not invited, I would happily take myself off to spend the day with friends/other family.

JLou08 · 01/12/2025 19:41

I wouldn't like to be in the same room as someone farting. I wouldn't take it go this extreme though. You are hugely unreasonable to uninvite them to Christmas, I wouldn't even uninvite someone for this if I was single, uninviting your DHs family to you're shared home is even worse. It's very controlling to prevent your DH having family over at Xmas, it would be fair if they were abusive, but for passing wind is absolute madness!
If my DH tried this, I'd be considering divorce. If a friend came to me and told me there spouse was trying this I would think the spouse either doesn't like the family and are trying to manage them out or they are abusive and are trying to isolate them from their family.
How is this impacting your DC? Do you make them leave the room to pass wind?

Brefugee · 01/12/2025 19:41

Octavia64 · 01/12/2025 18:13

Did you feed them stuff they are intolerant to?

I’m like that if I eat any dairy products. Easy solution is that people don’t feed me dairy.

don't be so passive. You warn them before hand and you pay attention to what you eat.

With your attitude, if you came to mine i would instruct you to bring your own.

Mothership4two · 01/12/2025 19:40

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 01/12/2025 18:12

I’m sure they can’t help farting! No reason at all to cancel Christmas!

OP later goes on to say they don't do this in restaurants, so they can help it. And, it would probably have gone some way towards the OP thinking better of them, if they had been a bit apologetic and not shrugged off her feelings

Brandyb · 01/12/2025 19:39

"Fart walks" are all the rage: wapo.st/4irl3IC

Soonenough · 01/12/2025 19:38

FFS Who really lives like this ??!! I have never been in the company of people in any capacity including in laws ,friends ,colleagues or the general public where this has occured or been considered acceptable. Raise your standards MN. And I wouldn't be able to not remark on it . No embarrassment obviously so why not say how disgusting you find it.

Gingernaut · 01/12/2025 19:36

If they knew what was on offer and accepted the invitation (and the free food) knowing what would happen, their behaviour was unacceptable

MrsHero · 01/12/2025 19:36

Could you message them 'apologising' for the roast causing them stomach issues (blame DP on not clueing you up beforehand if necessary), and ask whether you can cater differently/provide alternatives on xmas day?

Mothership4two · 01/12/2025 19:36

CharlieEffie · 01/12/2025 19:31

Let them go for their pub dinner
Bet they wont see in the pub openly farting
Grim

Too right they wouldn't because they would be asked to leave. Because it's considered rude

Newyearawaits · 01/12/2025 19:34

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 01/12/2025 18:12

I’m sure they can’t help farting! No reason at all to cancel Christmas!

This and it would be extremely rude for u to cancel xmas arrangements now.
Fwiw, I am a hcp and there are some intestinal diagnoses can cause excessive flatulence that can be difficult to control

ShiftingSand · 01/12/2025 19:33

It’s rude of them and they should go into the toilet. I wouldn’t be able to handle this as it really makes me feel bad listening to anyone breaking wind. I would tell them to either behave or not bother coming at all for the meal.

Mothership4two · 01/12/2025 19:33

Octavia64 · 01/12/2025 18:13

Did you feed them stuff they are intolerant to?

I’m like that if I eat any dairy products. Easy solution is that people don’t feed me dairy.

So you would sit in someone else's house farting away? Would you not apologise? Would you blame the host for preparing dairy food - even though you put it on your own plate?

OriginalUsername2 · 01/12/2025 19:32

Tough one. I’d find it disgusting too. An accidental fart or two is one thing but having to breathe in their poo gas repeatedly while they laugh is too much. It’s hard when everyone else thinks it’s fine though. Toilet humour isn’t my thing.

I had this problem living with my mother in law. She was gross in a lot of ways but her farts were foul. Me and DP were sick of it as it happened so often, she had no shame about doing it in the kitchen when we were eating or purposely eating things that were guaranteed to stink out the bathroom. She didn’t care, just said she couldn’t help it and it’s natural. So of course we seemed like uptight bores to BIL and SIL when they visited and found her farts hilarious while our faces were like thunder.

LostittoBostik · 01/12/2025 19:32

The thing I find oddest about this thread is that you’re married with DC and you’ve never eaten dinner at your in laws’ house?!

I don’t understand how this is possible and I think the backstory where would give a lot more context to why you’re furious about a few(albeit uncouth) farts.

CharlieEffie · 01/12/2025 19:31

Let them go for their pub dinner
Bet they wont see in the pub openly farting
Grim

BettysRoasties · 01/12/2025 19:31

InlandTaipan · 01/12/2025 19:27

If you have that level of control then clearly neither your stomach issues or your mobility are that bad.

Show quote history

I just try to avoid triggering food and don’t sit there trying to push one out.

Triggering foods are for my own home. In fact when I’m having a real bad day I won’t leave the house apart from if I have to, I also don’t add more fuel to the fire.

Topseyt123 · 01/12/2025 19:28

We normally go out for Christmas Dinner and then all walk home farting like troopers. You can't uninvite them. You can be a little less uptight.

Just see the funny side. Farts are hilarious, and far better out than in. 🤣 It does sound like you are the only uptight one in your house, so chill. Let people fart.

Mothership4two · 01/12/2025 19:28

Only on MN is farting considered disgusting

This is where I find MN fascinating. When what I consider a fairly middle of the road / normal attitude or opinion but I am considered an outlier by some MN posters.

In the real world I would find a couple of guests (or anyone really) happily constantly farting away in front of me and my family grim and very very odd. The fact they also had to audacity to blame the OP is so rude (and sounds like it was possibly deliberately orchestrated to me).

LoveItaly · 01/12/2025 19:28

Octavia64 · 01/12/2025 18:13

Did you feed them stuff they are intolerant to?

I’m like that if I eat any dairy products. Easy solution is that people don’t feed me dairy.

Surely the easiest solution is for you to not eat it?

LlynTegid · 01/12/2025 19:27

I agree with you OP. If they went to the toilet I would think differently. Even if the toilet then smelt.

InlandTaipan · 01/12/2025 19:27

BettysRoasties · 01/12/2025 19:24

Yanbu I have stomach issues and can be seconds from oh shit I’ve shit. I’ve never ever once farted in my In-laws livingroom or around their dining table or in their kitchen.

I go to the bathroom like a civilised guest not some pig. If one did happen to squeak out I’d be mortified and apologise not sit there laughing with the children like a farty trumpet.

If you have that level of control then clearly neither your stomach issues or your mobility are that bad.

VictoriaEra2 · 01/12/2025 19:27

Gardener82 · 01/12/2025 18:25

God this is what I have to look forward to at Christmas to op.
There seems to be two types of people…
Those like my husband’s mum and dad who think it’s perfectly acceptable to fart and burp away in the front room, no fucks given.
Or like me you think it’s gross and can practically imagine the poo particles landed in my homemade trifle.
I HATE it but it’s not enough to not invite them to Christmas.
Just to add my children have not followed there grandparents example, they think it’s gross to.

Agree. I would hate this too. Unles someone ill or giving birth then no excuse in public.

platinumanddiamonds · 01/12/2025 19:27

I agree a walk is a good solution and I would fine what their triggers are and don’t offer it.
Bet the kids find it hilarious but it’s unacceptable to do this in company.
If their digestive issues are so bad they should have the decency to avoid trigger foods when in company. I’m sure they could with a little effort.
We are a modern open family and the occasional fart is fine but it sounds if they’re enjoying themselves. Would they do this in the company of strangers?

sprigatito · 01/12/2025 19:26

I’d be in tears, frankly. I cannot tolerate bad smells and this would make me so, so sick and miserable. I’m autistic and smells are a serious sensory problem for me. I really have to work HARD to power through the occasional awful smell when caring for my dad with Alzheimer’s - he can’t help it and I would stick pins in my eyes before I’d make him feel uncomfortable, but the effort of not showing distress or disgust really depletes me. The fact that these people are doing this deliberately, on your furniture in your home, and that they think it’s funny…I would struggle to be around them or have any positive regard for them at all.