DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

That sounds like financial abuse to me. He thinks that he can always get his own way because he pays more towards your mortgage?

He can invite his mum and sister but he can't make you cook the dinner. Arrange to go to your family with the children and leave your DH with his mum and sister.

I bet they wouldn't be blowing off with wild abandon in the pub

Farting is a normal function, but it's also rude to sit and fart all day in company.

What are their medical issues? Have they sought help from their GP? I can understand and sympathise with medical conditions that cause flatulence, but the performative nature of them revelling in farting loudly and often in someone else's house would piss me right off.

Do they try and make adjustments to their diet to cut out foods that will have this effect or do they just eat whatever they want as they don't care about farting in public?

Family ARE guests. They should show respect for those who are hosting them.

Not everyone has the “we can be uncouth because it’s just family” mentality.

If husband wants to assert his rights to determine the guest list, he can also take over the work. In OP’s shoes I’d make a festive, fancy Christmas Eve for the kids, then laze around Christmas Day and let him crack on.

And hope he remembered to do the food shop because I sure as hell wouldn’t do it for him. Let him cater for his guests while I take the kids to the cinema.

It's her husband's home too though isn't it? Not just hers. This is family, not 'guests', it's his mother and sister. Imagine the fallout for him if he has to tell them they are banned from Christmas for this reason. And we only have her side of it.

It’s her home. At Christmas. She’s entitled to not have it treated like a barnyard. Guests should exhibit consideration, respect and decorum.

I'd stand firm back, saying if they come you are not cooking anything, he is doing it all himself. And, you and the kids will go elsewhere for Christmas. So tell him he won't be spending Christmas with his own wife and children. And, there will be no sex and he can sleep on the sofa (or spare room). Fight back fire with fire!

One of the female surgeons I work with farts without any flinching of apology! It blows my mind that she doesn’t even find it funny.

My parents used to have farting competitions when we were growing up. It was very funny and liberating and we would join in too. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

We never did it in other people's houses and did control ourselves if we had visitors so there was some decorum. Some standards were upheld. 🤣🤣

scented candles?
keep striking matches

I know where you’re coming from here. My nephews came and stayed with me & were drinking excessively & burping loudly. I’m not a prude by any means but it was a bit much for me. It ruined the peaceful vibe & annoyed me as it was unnecessary & excessive.

I tend to agree, farting like a trombone at someone’s house is bloody rude. They shouldn’t have eaten the things they chose if they don’t agree with them. I definitely wouldn’t let it interfere with Christmas plans though.

I’m unsure where I stand on un-inviting tbh. Id find that gross though. But, I do think it’s bad if they knew the foods to avoid and went ahead and ate them anyway if other stuff was on offer. For example stuffing is known for it so if you know you have an issue avoid while out? What was on offer? We have a relative with an issue that causes diarrhoea. When he stays he avoids all the triggers. That if he wants it as a treat he’ll eat it at home and suffer the consequences occasionally. If they dont know what causes it then they need to experiment through elimination, or see a doctor. They have to want to do that though I guess.

@user1471453601 Sometimes, when I get up out of my chair, it sounds like the opening bars of The Last Post.

😆😆

I must have a puerile sense of humour because I've only just started reading this thread and I've already come close to an attack of incontinence.😳

There are medications these disgusting people can take.

I have stomach issues. I take medication.

They are lazy and gross and I wouldn’t be feeding them.

You are being really controlling, this is his family ffs.

I'm pretty sure that their not doing it to piss you off! 😂😂 And yes it's rude to uninvite them for something that's not their fault

"Them coming. He says as he pays more towards the Mortgage he gets the final say."
No he bloody does not, so what he pays more for the mortgage, he does not get the final say on anything. You both have an equal say. He is as big an oaf as them. Everyone farts, but you can control it. His family choose not too, filthy animals.
He may pay more to the mortgage but if your name is on it, it is shared. Do you really want to be with this man and his farmyard disgusting pigs of family.

Not sure why you are swearing at me. The actions of both parties have consequences. His behaviour may make her want to end the marriage, go no contact with his family etc, last straw and all that. Given his unpleasant attitude so far, anything she does in response such as refusing to cook Christmas dinner if his family are coming, or maybe going to visit her family if his family come to the house, is likely to trigger more nastiness from him. I am not blaming her and I am not saying his actions don't have consequences for the family, but if she is not ready to make big decisions about their future then she may just chose to carry on for a quiet life for now. I wouldn't personally as I wouldn't want to be treated like that but if the kids are young and she is not financially independent this may not be the hill for her to die on.

Wow, that is a really unpleasant comment to make.

I don't blame you for being grossed out by their behaviour, and it is strange to me that he is not embarrassed by them, even if he does want them to come for Xmas still.

Is it possible your overall relationship with inlaws is not that strong? I wouldn't like the farting but could possibly tolerate it if I liked the farters! I think it's kind of disrespectful to you especially the first time visiting your new home.

I think I'd do the roast on Xmas eve for you and the kids, and go on an unofficial strike on Xmas day and serve something like potato waffles and say after their last visit you thought they'd appreciate something more gentle on the stomach.

What do you mean ‘huh’?? She is blaming the in laws for self serving the food that caused the problem. Well if you don’t cook foods that cause it then they can’t self serve it, can they?

Huh indeed!

Easy solution is you don't eat things you're intolerant to.
Do you really need another adult to limit the options available to you? You're genuinely too stupid to know what you can or cant eat?

They're all awful....dh is the worst. What an absolute bell end.

@Christmasdayissue OP, any other time of the year and I would agree with you. BUT! It is Christmas - unclench.

Or go and take the dog for a long walk.

You married a peach there @Christmasdayissue

I would tell him it’s his turn to cook Christmas dinner this year. And if there are issues afterwards, I would go for a walk or escape upstairs.