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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disrespectful Older Daughter.

83 replies

CosyDreamer · 01/12/2025 17:50

AIBU or just taking things to heart?

Some of you may have seen my previous thread about struggling to keep up with the family washing. I took some advice and my normally pleasant eldest daughter has completely threw a fit when I told her that in future she and my eldest boy needs to help contribute to the washing and to start washing and drying their own clothes and bedding etc as it’s time they pulled their weight. My eldest lad has agreed to do his and said it was half expecting it and he is happy to do so. She on the other hand is not happy at all.
Her dad just stood by yesterday when she threw a fit and started calling me for telling her this is how it’s going to be. Now I’m absolutely fuming as I’ve raised this girl as my own daughter since she was 7 as her mother isn’t around anymore and I expected abit more respect from her but I also expected DH to actually pull her up for how she spoke to me. I’ve spoken to him and told him I’m not at all impressed and he said he was kind of shocked at her outburst and did speak to her about it afterwards but she done her famous putting on the tears and saying it’s because she felt poorly etc that she snapped. Told DH she would apologise (which she still hasn’t) and is sorry and it was left at that. This morning I've got up and put a full wash load on before I headed out to work and she’s pulled her face and said I need to wash my things too and started moaning about how it’s not fair that she has things to wash and I’m using the machine. I’ve told her while she has the day off work she can wait for the washer to finish and once it’s done she can use it while nobody is here once the current load was done.
I’ve just got home and my washing is still in the machine (not a big deal) and I will get that out now but she’s gone her friends and just left her washing on the floor near the machine and told her dad that I said she couldn’t use the machine!!
AIBU and being abit touchy or am I right to be really annoyed with her?

OP posts:
W0tnow · 04/12/2025 08:13

What is everyone on about? Unless she has two broken arms, she was capable of taking the washing out and putting her own in?

BennyHenny · 04/12/2025 08:12

Agix · 04/12/2025 08:08

Telling everyone they need to do their own washing now and then hogging the machine and leaving for the day was not on. You didn't really set a good precedent with that one.

Yep agree with this, she probably thinks you set her up to fail.

Agix · 04/12/2025 08:08

Telling everyone they need to do their own washing now and then hogging the machine and leaving for the day was not on. You didn't really set a good precedent with that one.

justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushouldx · 04/12/2025 07:56

But did she know she could take your clothes out without you getting pissed off? Tbh with 7 of you in the house asking the older ones to do their own washing is fair enough, but then sticking yours in and buggering off for the day is a bit crap - what would you have said if she'd done that?

I think a better discussion about expectations is needed.

SpiritAdder · 03/12/2025 23:35

CosyDreamer · 01/12/2025 18:08

I didn’t just dictate that they had to do it, I sat down with them and said as there are 7 of us in the house that I’m washing for that it would help if they can take over washing their own clothes.
Yes I left the house to go work but she could have either 1) taken the stuff out the washing and put in the drier or 2) put it in the washing basket that we have for sorting wet washing and left it on the side in the utility room.

Show quote history

Sorry that is not collaborative at all and is dictating to them. Dictators do give reasons for their orders.

You said because of X, you have made the unilateral decision that they need to do Y

There was zero discussion of other things instead of Y that might have also helped the situation.

Original poster
CosyDreamer · 01/12/2025 18:08

SpiritAdder · 01/12/2025 17:57

I think the washing being divided up is not a good choice for getting kids to pull their weight because of exactly the problem that has happened. You’ve started a load first thing in the morning and then left the house for the entire day. What was she supposed to do? Put your wet washing on the floor?

It is much more efficient for 1 family member to handle all the washing.

I also think just announcing your solution like a dictator was poor form.

I think when it comes to dividing up housework, there should be a family meeting where you all discuss how to divide the work. This would include your husband- what does he do to pull his weight?

Tasks that are more easily divided are like taking turns cooking dinner or washing dishes.

Teens can take over jobs like the hoovering or dusting or taking out the rubbish & recycling and doing the bins.

I didn’t just dictate that they had to do it, I sat down with them and said as there are 7 of us in the house that I’m washing for that it would help if they can take over washing their own clothes.
Yes I left the house to go work but she could have either 1) taken the stuff out the washing and put in the drier or 2) put it in the washing basket that we have for sorting wet washing and left it on the side in the utility room.

OP posts:
themerchentofvenus · 01/12/2025 18:01

My 15 year old does his own laundry! I got bored of him moaning about specific things not being washed.

Leave it on the floor. She can do it later.

SpiritAdder · 01/12/2025 17:57

I think the washing being divided up is not a good choice for getting kids to pull their weight because of exactly the problem that has happened. You’ve started a load first thing in the morning and then left the house for the entire day. What was she supposed to do? Put your wet washing on the floor?

It is much more efficient for 1 family member to handle all the washing.

I also think just announcing your solution like a dictator was poor form.

I think when it comes to dividing up housework, there should be a family meeting where you all discuss how to divide the work. This would include your husband- what does he do to pull his weight?

Tasks that are more easily divided are like taking turns cooking dinner or washing dishes.

Teens can take over jobs like the hoovering or dusting or taking out the rubbish & recycling and doing the bins.

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