Hi. My partner died just under 3 years ago. It was a sudden death and a complete shock. I've lost people in my life before (grandparents etc...) but this was different for a number of reasons. I was in a very bad place (unsurprisingly) and whilst some time has passed, I'm still grieving for him. I am aware obviously that life moves forward, but grief has no timeline.
Seven months after my partner died - a friend of mine was newly in London (where I live) for work (having relocated). We met up often. We went to dinner one night - and I guess overall we were just at very different places in our lives. I think she wanted to have 'fun' in London and me to take her to all these fun restaurants/bars - since London is my home turf.
In short, whilst very sad and talking about my partner, she said: 'I know you're sad... but you have to move on.' Whilst I agree in part - because life DOES go on, it was more that seven months is no time at all after losing a partner.
I was (internally) incensed - and even am now (albeit to a lesser degree). The reason I am a little less angry now is because I think those that haven't experienced profound loss - just don't 'get it'. During the early days of grief, I read a lot of books/literature. A quote always stood out. It said: 'Grief is the club nobody asked to join, where membership is automatic after losing someone you love.'
Anyway, she was here for a work placement, but then left. She's now back and wants to meet up again.
AIBU to just not want to see her again? I never looked at her the same way again after her 'party placement' in London and that dinner in particular. It was a lot of work having her around having to be the 'director' every time we went out.
Another quote I read at the time was: 'Grief changes your address book'. I know that might sound weird, but it really did for me. My entire social network changed and due to vultures/his will being contested etc... I saw a lot of people very differently.
I don't wish to sound bitter - and I'm aware that grief is an awful and lonely journey, so I don't want to 'lose' any friends - but the wonderful network of friends I do have, have been great to me, so I don't need 'superficial' friendships. nor to play 'London host' again which I believe is what she expects.