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Original poster

Ex no longer wants to pay maintenance

67 replies

moryn · 01/12/2025 14:59

He has DS7 Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday nights one week, and Friday, Saturday, Sunday the next. This is a relatively new arrangement.

He has just sent me a message saying that since he has him basically half of the time now, we should both send each other receipts for things like clubs etc. and split it all.

I am unsure.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 02/12/2025 09:08

Work out 1/7 of maintenance and he pays you that amount. Surely he should be paying for half of clubs and activities anyway.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 02/12/2025 09:05

Does he earn a lot more than you? Does him having DS more mean you can work and earn more?
I would do a CMS calculation and see what he'd be expected to pay on a 4/3 split and just calmly let him know. He is correct though that if you're sharing care more or less 50/50 that other costs should also be shared :) if he's not paying maintenance for you to manage all the life expenses of DS, he has to share them with you 50/50 (or 45/55 if he pays a little maintenance on top)
He may end up worse off...

Original poster
moryn · 02/12/2025 09:03

KarmenPQZ · 01/12/2025 15:47

How in the past have you decided who pays for clubs on say a Thursday or Saturday when you each have DC alternate weeks?

I have always paid for them all, except about 18 months ago he started a club that ex pays for.

OP posts:
Original poster
moryn · 02/12/2025 09:02

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2025 15:02

It's not 50:50 so he will still need to pay a bit. Is the 'club' stuff instead of paying maintenance in his eyes?

Edited

Yes, I think so.

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 01/12/2025 15:59

Seems fair to me
Sad that there are receipts etc involved

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 15:55

The question is whether he currently pays towards all those things or not? Does he even know what they cost? And will be genuinely meet them 50:50?

Of course, he's not actually having them 50:50 so that's also a point that he can't just ignore. 3/7 is not 50:50. he's doign 156 days a year and you're doing 208!

Mauro711 · 01/12/2025 15:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yea, that's a good point. My controlling ex tried to suggest that too, that I would send him receipts whenever I had to buy anything. I was absolutely not going to be doing that.

KarmenPQZ · 01/12/2025 15:47

How in the past have you decided who pays for clubs on say a Thursday or Saturday when you each have DC alternate weeks?

BreezyPeachSquid · 01/12/2025 15:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mauro711 · 01/12/2025 15:44

Check how much he would be paying with the current setup and compare that to how much is spent on clubs etc per year.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2025 15:17

TomatoSandwiches · 01/12/2025 15:05

What if he disagrees with things you buy like uniform or shoes?

I suspect he intends for her to buy everything and he gets to pay for the goods, not the labour. He will, in fact, add to the labour by expecting admin attached. Which means she'll probably not bother sometimes. Losing more money.

OP, just CMS it.

Namechanged47 · 01/12/2025 15:16

Well, he has 3 nights a week and you have 4, so there's likely still a small amount of maintenance to be paid by him.

I would be a bit careful with the clubs etc depending on what kind of person he is. I would only agree to half of pre-agreed costs, and do it in email or text so there's a record of it. You don't want him putting DC in expensive clubs (or, eg wraparound care) on all "his" nights, and you needing to pick up the tab for half of it. If he's a reasonable person, you might not need to have those concerns.

And you should both be providing what your DC need for the days they're with you.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/12/2025 15:05

What if he disagrees with things you buy like uniform or shoes?

PenelopeSkye · 01/12/2025 15:05

Say you pay £100 in your 4 days (random number), and he only pays £20, because you happens to cover a club and whatever else, then provided that’s split evenly, I don’t think the number of days matter so they? So he would just owe you £40 that particular week.

PenelopeSkye · 01/12/2025 15:03

That seems fair- he’s still saying he’ll split whatever you pay on your days

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2025 15:02

It's not 50:50 so he will still need to pay a bit. Is the 'club' stuff instead of paying maintenance in his eyes?

metalbottle · 01/12/2025 15:00

Well he's having 3 nights out of 7, so he's right that maintenance won't be much as only one night less than you.