Ex no longer wants to pay maintenance

Go through cms. If your already chasing him every month for maintenance you do not want to start having to chase him multiple times a week over every recep, or arguing I'd DS 'really' needed a new jumper etc. Ideally he should already by paying for clubs that fall on his days, or half if it is a day that alternates.

Stick with the CMS, so much easier. I also wouldn’t go halves on clubs because, as other posters have said, he may choose clubs you can’t afford. Pick things on your days that are within your budget and pay for them in full.

WRT to uniform, that’s probably more difficult. You could maybe agree that he pays for inside clothes including shoes and you do PE kit, including trainers. Or, you could have a separate fund that you both pay into once a year/term and all uniform costs come out of there.

You dn't need to do what he wants if you don't want to. So, you have laid out why this won't work for you - it's not enough, he's unreliable, he likes to call you names so the chances are he'll fight about every decision. So just go to CMS and accept he'll bitch and complain. I don't see that changing anyway.

The reality is he problb only wants 3/7 to avoid maintenance anyway.

Tough titties. It’s enforceable by law.

“some dads do much less” is bullshit. Some dads murder their own children. Other people are not the standard. He should want to do right by his son.

Maintenance isn’t for clubs, it’s for everything. Room and board, clothing, general happiness of the child. Books and entertainment. Literally all of it. Everything that goes into keeping the child happy and healthy. You are doing the majority wand his income is greater, therefore he makes up the difference.

Tell him what he wants doesn’t matter. What is fair is fair and if he wants to kick up a fuss then CMS can do the hard work for you.

Ooh, you're supposed to be grateful thta he's even a vaguelly competent father?

The reality is that yuo have to decide if it's worth fighting over. I think he' sbeing a complete twat and you should go through CMS. But I think also that if it's easier fo ryou not to, then that's fine.

But the point is tha the's NOT doing 50:50.

And do you really think he'll fork out for uniform and all the rest? If he's halfway reliable you could try suggesting an amount based on an estimate of these costs, plus a bit extra for the difference considering he's NOT doing 50:50.

He is a prince amongst men isn't he? An almost 50% parent to his own children. Be still my beating heart!

I'd do whatever you think best financially supports the kids. If you insist on the maintenance you are due will he stop paying anything for the kids clubs and you'll be worse off?

Doesn't matter what he wants. He doesn't have him 50/50 so he has to pay. go via cms If you have too

Tell him not to worry about it, you’ll go through cms so it’s fair

Agree he sounds like an arse for thinking he is some kind of super dad for having his son almost half the time

Which works out better for you (and your son). Getting the monthly maintenance and pissing him off so much that he doesn't pay towards clubs etc. Or him paying half of clubs, school trips., uniform etc? There would have to be rules about the joint payments e.g. one of you has to check with the other when joining a new club, when buying something over a certain threshold, or when buying something he wants but doesn't need (eg premium brand)

Go via CMS.
I'm so sorry he is scum.

I think his idea sounds quite fair to be honest. He is almost having him 50:50 though not quite. He also isn’t saying he won’t pay towards him at all, just that he wants to split things like school trips, clubs and uniform down the middle.

Then go through cms

Even if it's 50:50 someone still needs to pay if their income is much higher than the other. There's an online calculator for this, I don't understand why people still get it so wrong.

Will he also have him half of the holidays? That adds up to a considerable amount of time. His maintenance can be reduced but it's not 50:50. And this is money for your child, not you.

Well he's having 3 nights out of 7 and you are having 4 so it's not quite 50/50, I'd personally do a calculation based on him having child 3 nights a week and say "As you may be aware it's not quite 50/50 with you having 3 nights and me having 4 so the CMS calculator says X amount for child maintenance. However I'd be willing to just do 50/50 for clubs and school trips and school equipment with us providing our own clothes and sets of school uniform if you are willing to do an extra night every other week so one week you do 3 nights and I do 4 and then the next you do 4 nights and I do 3 so it is 50/50. What do you think?"

This is why we have the CMS.

Whoops, I was working on a reply to the PP and went off on a reply to the OP, my bad!

I was going to ask, if it's normal for the other parent to pay half of extras.

My ex would laugh in my face if I asked him to pay half of anything extra we did, or bought.

Personally for me, I'd much prefer he saw his kids more and paid less. But that will never happen.

How do you feel about it? And how much does he currently pay I think that would play a big part in our opinions. If your going to be worse off or break even and such.

Plus it's important to remember pay increases, club changes, things get more expensive as they get older and so on. If you change how it is now then it'll likely remain that way for many years to come.

How do you actually feel about it?

Does he pay for anything else for her though such as clothes, school uniforms, medical, haircuts? There is more to a child's life than clubs. How generous is he to your child's needs? You still have her more and that time adds up. Are you going to pay in the first instance and then have to wait for him to reimburse you. Sounds messy to me.