A quarter of kids live in single parent families

Yes amazing how they can stalk you down to pay tax but not cms

tho ex does pay cms but a whole £27.50 as on benefits as he won’t work and that’s the cap they have to pay

yet seem to find money to drink - 2 bottles cost is over what he pays me …….

just as well that I have a good job and I work hard and anything dd has is down to me and as she gets older she will see /understand that

A lot of women were stuck in the 70s in abusive/violent marriages .I know this because my mum was one of them.
In a block of 8 flats there was three battered wives(horrible 70s term).
So I'm glad things have changed for the better as in there's more help.

Mind it would be better if some men didn't lift their hand to partner/wife/children.

I am always staggered when I see posts about blended families, he has 2 or 3, so does she, then they have one together. The kids must miss out a bit unless they are both high earning.

Wages for lower earners are rising and there is more and more help with childcare yet the government can’t get to grips with child poverty because all too often there is a whole-ass parent simply not contributing what it actually costs to raise a child.

Having one parent in a household will financially impact a child compared to having two, almost always. Lots of men don’t contribute what it costs (even if contributing what they are legally obliged) and all too often the state picks up the tab. There is no point in people wittering that they earn plenty or they have chosen single parenthood through adoption of sperm donation, or they know a dad who gives more than enough and is now poor himself. On a population level, nearly 40% of UC claimants are single parent households. Of course, child maintenance isn’t used to calculate UC so some of those parents will be getting a huge handout plus substantial support for the other parent. Two parent households could never pull that off. While single parenthood continues to rise and any and all money contributed by the non-resident parent is not taken into account by UC, the benefits bill will rise and rise. Benefits for children (and student loans) need to be calculated on parental income - not on what the poorest parent earns, just like it is for 2 parent households. Taking into account the additional cost in housing the second parent somewhere else is one thing, dismissing their contribution altogether is another.

I work in a male dominated environment and sadly this is the norm for men post separation.

I think a massive problem is the default 50/50 custody split.

You end up having families who are not only broken but who are blended and parents who have even more children.

I think that for many people welfare is not a safety net - it’s a lifestyle.

I also think we are raising men who are shitty human beings.

Yes. This is the system’s way of implying that it is the mother’s duty to cater for the children. Then, in turn, it is the man’s (as in her current partner) duty to keep the mother supported. It doesn’t properly acknowledge the direct response link from dad to kids. Very old fashioned.

What has he got going for him that makes him a great baby daddy

My brother/SIL neighbours ex is having a child. This is the 9th woman he's got pregnant, more than 9 children in total though. He doesn't pay relatives neighbour hardly any maintenance because he can't support 14, soon to be 15, children on his wage. She gets a few quid A MONTH for their children together because he cheated because she 'changed after children' and then went on a 'breeding spree'. And she's the one judged for being a single mother...

I live in the US. When I go to renew my driving licence there are signs at the entrance of the RMV saying "you cannot renew your licence if you owe child support"

We need a national mandatory male DNA database so paternity can be established at birth.
if they go into arrears on CM, they lose drivers license, professional/trade license, passport and anything else issued by the government.

I live in a country with no CMS: you have to go to court to get a court order for maintenance if it's not paid. Worse it is not actually seen that it is the (usually) father's responsibility to provide for his children, but the (usually) mother has to show that she is in a deficit 🙄. It costs time and money to go through this combative system.
I went through this and I cannot get my order enforced as my ex, a lovely professional man, has gone "missing". This is a regular trick where your ex changes address, phone, job so you do not have a current address for him. Without this current address he cannot be served a notice for court. So he gets away with not paying a penny. I cannot find him. Meanwhile I am sure that another arm of the State has a current address for him but I cannot get it. The court won't get it. So I, and my children, are stuck with no maintenance.
Other tricks include giving up their job so they have no income.
Meanwhile the government have for several years sat on their own recommendation to establish a CMS. As someone else said, there is no political will to address this. Society doesn't condem the wastrel fathers. Meanwhile those same fathers are thrilled to be getting one up on the mother. Like so many issues where the majority who suffer are women and children, no one really cares.
And because we have a surplus of single mothers, I was married and didn’t see this coming. I work full time and have never received benefits. But my children have two parents and both should support them.

Exactly what my friend said when she became a single mum-she said she didn't want to claim benefits but that they suddenly needed 2 houses, 2 sets of bills etc, so daily life cost almost twice as much.
Plus so many people are out of work, and I'm not talking about people who are working hiding it, as you sometimes read about on here.

@AdventAnnie I’m a single parent. I don’t claim benefits. The two things don’t go hand in hand??

Yes exactly. HMRC can make you pay every last penny of your tax bill but a different government department can’t make NRPs pay a few quid a week towards their kids??

Absolutely. Child maintenance is not seen as a priority bill or debt. Non resident parents still manage to pay rent or a mortgage, council tax, gas and electricity bills, buy food etc. If I am late paying a bill and don’t communicate with the creditor, eventually my details would be passed onto a debt collection agency. I am currently paying off a credit card- if I lose my job, the debt still has to be serviced. I can drop the payment to the minimum but I couldn’t just stop paying.

Also: misogyny. It’s alive and well on this thread. “A surplus of single mothers”. If you search social media for the reaction to the 2 child limit being lifted, it won’t take you long to find the typical comments about how women spend the money on their hair and nails, as if raising children doesn’t cost anything!

The reality is most averagely paid people need every penny as a couple to sustain a reasonable standard of living. When they split, that money has to to cover two sets of bills/accommodation etc, so the State steps in and subsidises this. There is a complete lack of personal responsibility and yes, some men are bad eggs and the woman is right to separate from them, but not 1 in 4! Too easy to be supported by the state and not have to work through problems and tough times. And it’s what so many kids have issues.

Very sorry for your loss.

Yes all us pesky widows, how dare our husband's die so young?
One in ten children will lose a parent under the age of 16 in the Uk.

In the UK it is normal to give the gross figure.

So assuming he’s on 45k with a 5% pension, he’d get around £2850. Minus £700 maintenance is £2150, minus around £1500 for a two bed flat around here leaves him £650 for absolutely everything else.

YANBU

It is outrageous but also this country safety net has created a surplus of single mothers. No one seems to stay together for long but happily have several kids without thinking much of it.

There are loads of powers that can be used before passports and driving licenses.

One of the most effective is putting a charge on their house.

Also making them realise that, like any debt, it can be sorted by sending bailiffs round to take your belongings and sell them.

Tbh though the single biggest thing that would change payment rates is a society change.

My ex messed around for nearly three years. Eventually out of absolute desperation I went to the military welfare bods on his base and said "what happens if I drop my kids off to him because I can't afford to look after them anymore?" His senior officers made it very clear to him, very quickly, that they'd look on him very unfavourably if the 'rumour' they'd heard was true. He started paying that week and never missed another penny.

If the NRP knew that their family and friends were going to be horrified at them for not paying then more would pay. If men knew women in the pub were going to say to each other "Oh that's payment-dodger Pete... avoid avoid avoid..." then more would pay. If they were going to be dropped from the five-a-side team, laughed at in the pub, or pulled up for the "I'm not paying her, she'll use it for her nails" then more would pay.

It's socially acceptable to dodge paying for your kids, or pay the absolute minimum and then complain if you're expected to pay the CMS amount, and whilst it's socially acceptable it'll be politically acceptable and therefore nothing will change.

Until "we will push CMS to use their powers" is a vote winner nothing will change.

Not really when people have to prove their identity and right to work (plus comply with DBS checking requirements) in order to obtain employment now. Same goes for removing driving licences - it'll take away any opportunity for many to actually earn money.

Agree that NRP should pay maintenance. Housing is a priority though for both parents. Unfortunately, a lot of the dads I know are low paid. (Retail or bar work) and have to live in HMO, bedsit or as lodgers. They pay full costs as there aren't top ups on low wages for singles. They can't coparent even if they want to. Maintenance is minimal because they can't earn more. To upskill requires costs and time at college/ courses.

Child maintenance debt can't be included in a bankruptcy so generally any debt remains as a debt.

However, CMS have an appalling habit or writing to RPs and telling them they are writing off historical debt, without being clear to the RP that it's actually their choice if the debt is written off.

There was a very interesting case when I worked for CMS where a man died unexpectedly. He wrote a will excluding his children and his sibling was expecting to get his house. Was beyond fuming when he realised that his brothers 45k+ CMS debt would come out of his estate before any beneficiaries got their cut.