A quarter of kids live in single parent families

AdventAnnie · 2025-12-01T08:51:43+00:00

One in four kids live in single-parent families today compared to 1 in 20 when I was born in the 70s. Surely the priority to fund the cost of the benefits system and the affordable housing crisis, is to make both parents contribute much more to the cost of raising their children? Family breakdown tends to impoverish both parents to some degree, but so many absent dads in particular seem to get away with it. What do you all think - if we could make these men pay more (without them claiming it all back in benefits at the other end!), would it go some way to solve the problem or not touch the sides?

kornwall · 03/12/2025 17:50

Wheresmypinkshirt · 03/12/2025 15:24

Not really they'd been together since they were quite young, he was a good partner until her attention was split between him and their children and he cheated on her. She's not psychic, she didn't know he would turn out to be a cheater and have a load of other kids with a string of women.

Show quote history

Apologies, your post made it sound as if she was the 9th woman he had got pregnant, hence my comment! It seems that she was actually the first if I am understanding your most recent post correctly

Thatsalineallright · 03/12/2025 15:54

ThePieceHall · 01/12/2025 09:06

Yup, and? I’m a single adoptive parent. Always have been for 18 years. No fella has lived under my roof in that time. By parenting two of society’s most complex, disabled and vulnerable children, I save the state in excess of £150,000 per annum that would be spent on foster care, children’s homes and social workers. These threads annoy me. So much misogyny.

I think you misread the OP.

Wheresmypinkshirt · 03/12/2025 15:24

kornwall · 02/12/2025 16:37

Well she was monumentally stupid to have a child with him.

Show quote history

Not really they'd been together since they were quite young, he was a good partner until her attention was split between him and their children and he cheated on her. She's not psychic, she didn't know he would turn out to be a cheater and have a load of other kids with a string of women.

MannersAreAll · 03/12/2025 12:31

I don't think I could apply for an increase in CM because the children refused to share a bedroom. I mean, surely you encourage them to go and feel a bit of 'discomfort' for a short period.

You definitely can't.

CM is a percentage of the NRP's income based on the number of children. There's no variance for expenditure or housing.

The children refusing to share will be having zero impact on his assessment.

YourOnMute · 02/12/2025 17:45

No one is forcing these "fathers" to have children or have unprotected sex. I think in all of the posts here, children were conceived and born as part of a marriage or relationship. Each child has two parents who should support it. It's your child ffs. However even in this thread, a sizeable proportion of fathers think it's ok not to financially support their own child(ren).

Nightlight8 · 02/12/2025 17:31

@orangine based upon 1 night stay a week your friend would be paying £700 for all 3 kids. He would take home around £2,900 per month. What is making him suicidal? CMS is a standard rate and tbh CMS do not take that much money from the NRP where they can't afford to live. This is the oldest tale in the book!

He's got £2,200 to live off....

GiantTeddyIsTired · 02/12/2025 17:20

Orangine · 01/12/2025 09:30

He is, he’s downsizing, but that means the kids won’t have anywhere to stay if they change their minds, and will only save him a few hundred a month (which will probably go on entertaining the kids on his time with them).

My point is someone shouldn’t be better off being supported by the state and CMS than they were in a relationship with that person, who works full time on an above average wage.

Show quote history

She probably isn't when you look long term. What's her pension? What's her future earning prospects? The holistic picture is important.

However I don't see how you square the circle of both parents needing enough room for the children TBH, given the housing shortage, children taking up twice the rooms they need is always going to be an issue.

Nightlight8 · 02/12/2025 17:17

Orangine · 01/12/2025 09:24

DH knows a couple who broke up, the dad works full time on about 45k and the mum works a couple of days a week. Kids are about 9, 11 and 13. They had a nice rented three bed, after the split she kept it as she’s kept the UC, and he’s rented a two bed he can barely afford. The kids don’t want to share a bedroom so barely stay over which means the CMS is being recalculated at almost £700 a month (which means he’s going to have to downsize to a one-bed, so even if they wanted to stay, they can’t).

The mum has more money than she’s ever had. The dad is near suicidal and completely broke.

I don’t think that’s fair either.

This sounds very odd and there must be more to the situation than you are aware of. The children are old enough to understand that they need to share a room for a short amount of time. Maybe the father is choosing to rent in an expensive location? I wouldn't be moving house based upon my child's demands of wanting their own room. It's not up for debate!

GlitteringBauble · 02/12/2025 17:10

tinselonthetreeforxmas · 02/12/2025 17:00

It’s not just men not paying. My Dad raised me and my sibling as a lone parent when I was 9, my Mum gave no maintenance, or bought us clothing or necessities, even though we lived with my Dad full-time, her husband was wealthy too. We were living in poverty. Both parents should be paying for their children.

Agreed it's not just men doing this, I also know a mother who dumped her dc in Covid lockdown. The dad's brought them up whilst working full-time (same as many mothers). She contributed nothing, not financially or emotionally. Dc want nothing to do with her now. Can't blame them.
If we want to lift kids out of poverty getting both parents to be accountable is key. Too many NRP getting away with contributing peanuts. It also saddens me how some parents can just become so disinterested in their dc.

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 17:08

I’m sorry but plenty of women (not all, not even saying it’s the majority) have children with absolute losers. For all sorts of reasons. I know it’s not a pc thing to say. But I’m sick of seeing it. It’s one thing when the father is a Jeckyll and Hyde type but in some cases it’s absolutely clear from the outset the dad is a wrong un.

Men are equally to blame. No question. But a concerning number of women allow themselves to get impregnated by the biggest losers

Nightlight8 · 02/12/2025 17:06

tinselonthetreeforxmas · 02/12/2025 17:00

It’s not just men not paying. My Dad raised me and my sibling as a lone parent when I was 9, my Mum gave no maintenance, or bought us clothing or necessities, even though we lived with my Dad full-time, her husband was wealthy too. We were living in poverty. Both parents should be paying for their children.

The majority of parents are men though. Very few men are the resident parent. Hats off to your dad though.

Dweetfidilove · 02/12/2025 17:03

GogoGobo · 01/12/2025 20:47

The reality is most averagely paid people need every penny as a couple to sustain a reasonable standard of living. When they split, that money has to to cover two sets of bills/accommodation etc, so the State steps in and subsidises this. There is a complete lack of personal responsibility and yes, some men are bad eggs and the woman is right to separate from them, but not 1 in 4! Too easy to be supported by the state and not have to work through problems and tough times. And it’s what so many kids have issues.

1 in 4 women have experienced DV, so yes, 1 in 4 is a representative figure. And that won't include half the shit women on MN alone are 'working through '.
Many children in 2 parent households experience all types of issues from the horrible relationships modelled to them.

tinselonthetreeforxmas · 02/12/2025 17:00

It’s not just men not paying. My Dad raised me and my sibling as a lone parent when I was 9, my Mum gave no maintenance, or bought us clothing or necessities, even though we lived with my Dad full-time, her husband was wealthy too. We were living in poverty. Both parents should be paying for their children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 16:54

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 16:24

Tbh I think I have conflated the issue with children being in care. I apologise.

Show quote history

💖

kornwall · 02/12/2025 16:37

Wheresmypinkshirt · 02/12/2025 03:06

My brother/SIL neighbours ex is having a child. This is the 9th woman he's got pregnant, more than 9 children in total though. He doesn't pay relatives neighbour hardly any maintenance because he can't support 14, soon to be 15, children on his wage. She gets a few quid A MONTH for their children together because he cheated because she 'changed after children' and then went on a 'breeding spree'. And she's the one judged for being a single mother...

Show quote history

Well she was monumentally stupid to have a child with him.

Netcurtainnelly · 02/12/2025 16:31

PropertyD · 02/12/2025 09:20

God this is depressing. So many people in these situations on benefits, having children with crap men. Then both parties going off having kids with new partners and complaining they just need to have benefits when often they have made these choices themselves.

Exactly, and why do people keep needing to have children when they get with someone new?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/12/2025 16:28

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 00:08

We need a national mandatory male DNA database so paternity can be established at birth.
if they go into arrears on CM, they lose drivers license, professional/trade license, passport and anything else issued by the government.

How are they going to pay any maintenance when you've removed any way for them to earn a living?

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/12/2025 16:26

I agree. I would focus on men who apparently don't own or earn anything so do not contribute to their children, while living the lifestyle of someone who appears well-off. It should be treated like tax evasion or benefit fraud.

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 16:24

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 16:24

@Flauwa where did anyone say their children are unloved

mini blondes was/is the most wanted and loved child and I spent 10yrs ttc thousands having her via ivf

but due to her dads behaviour and addictions I kicked him out and now a single parent

not what I had in mind when she was conceived /born but I work hard to give her everything she needs as he pays basic cms of £27.50 a month

Tbh I think I have conflated the issue with children being in care. I apologise.

Dweetfidilove · 02/12/2025 16:24

Orangine · 01/12/2025 09:24

DH knows a couple who broke up, the dad works full time on about 45k and the mum works a couple of days a week. Kids are about 9, 11 and 13. They had a nice rented three bed, after the split she kept it as she’s kept the UC, and he’s rented a two bed he can barely afford. The kids don’t want to share a bedroom so barely stay over which means the CMS is being recalculated at almost £700 a month (which means he’s going to have to downsize to a one-bed, so even if they wanted to stay, they can’t).

The mum has more money than she’s ever had. The dad is near suicidal and completely broke.

I don’t think that’s fair either.

This really is one of the saddest things I've read.
I don't think I could apply for an increase in CM because the children refused to share a bedroom. I mean, surely you encourage them to go and feel a bit of 'discomfort' for a short period.
This sounds dreadful all round ☹️.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 16:24

@Flauwa where did anyone say their children are unloved

mini blondes was/is the most wanted and loved child and I spent 10yrs ttc thousands having her via ivf

but due to her dads behaviour and addictions I kicked him out and now a single parent

not what I had in mind when she was conceived /born but I work hard to give her everything she needs as he pays basic cms of £27.50 a month

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 16:20

I think it’s appalling. I honestly can’t believe the circumstances in which people have children.

My grandmother had many foster kids. Nothing sadder than seeing a child who feels unloved. It’s totally avoidable. The scale is sickening. JUST USE PROTECTION

Selfish, immature bastards.

There will always be an element of it being unavoidable - abuse only coming out post pregnancy etc. But many instances are totally preventable.

Netcurtainnelly · 02/12/2025 16:11

Why dont men want to pay, they would pay if they were still.together wouldn't they?
They should be proud and happy to support their kids.

Brainstorm23 · 02/12/2025 09:23

Yay..another thread bashing men and divorced/separated parents as if there weren't enough of them already.

PropertyD · 02/12/2025 09:20

God this is depressing. So many people in these situations on benefits, having children with crap men. Then both parties going off having kids with new partners and complaining they just need to have benefits when often they have made these choices themselves.