AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

Tell everyone they can come but it's spag bol as that's the level of effort/cost youre prepared to go to

Awful takers the lot of them. YANBU at all.

Wow. Yanbu at all.

We’ve tended to host dh’s family most years because we do in fairness have the biggest house and the biggest income. Family members do bring extra stuff in abundance and help out generally.

however, hosting in general stresses me out. So we said we wanted a year off this year just spend it the four of us and visit the extended family later on. Nobody has batted an eyelid.

no way! Enough is enough. Just say that after 7 years of doing it all solo, you need a break. Say how much time it takes you how much it costs and that no one has ever offered to cook, contribute etc. there will be an almighty row about it and maybe you won’t speak for a while, but you are well within your rights here and you are not solely responsible for Christmas. We also have a big house and we get so sick of the requests to come and stay or the suggestion that my elderly and totally infirm MIL come and live with us, just because we have a big house! We both work long hours, hosting is so much work and we really don’t like having people to stay, we just don’t. If you don’t put your foot down, you would feel more and more resentful until you completely blow up and it will be worse!

^ This

“We’ve decided to have a quiet one this year, just me, partner and kids. Perhaps we could meet up for a walk somewhere on Boxing Day or over the weekend?”

The only way Id host a big Xmas event like this seven years on the trot with zero help etc was if I genuinely really wanted to and loved to. And could easily afford it.

If you don't feel that way - and understandably, I don't think I ever would, for SEVEN consecutive years - then YANBU and tell them to sod off.

Your family are also unbelievably ungrateful and cheeky!!

Awful family... sorry OP.... my BIL is hosting 16 of us this year... we have all split the shopping, my DH is cooking with help from others and we will all help wash up etc.

Put your foot down and do your own thing.

No, you are not being in the least bit unreasonable, I was in a similar situation. I realised that as well as my family, there was a pattern of people taking advantage of me in many areas of my life, partner/ friends and I would feel guilty and confused when I tried to set boundaries with people and they pushed back. Your family are benefitting from your lack of boundaries so they won't like them. I had to have many counselling sessions to help find my backbone again and to stop being a people pleaser and to start thinking about my needs instead of always thinking of others and then being resentful.

People can't take advantage of you without your permission so some inner work is probably needed if these situations keep coming up. However your family sound absolutely dreadful, I wouldn't even meet them Christmas day never mind cook for them. This Christmas could be a good time to start living your life differently and put yourself first (which isn't selfish) Good luck!

They sound awful, to turn up empty handed!
I would say, 'as we can't agree on Christmas and I've had my fair share of hosting over xx years, we'll have to do our own thing'

What a bunch of ungrateful relatives you have OP.
I make a Christmas dinner every Christmas eve for my family. About 20 of us usually.
I LOVE ❤️ it. It's something that is looked forward to by everyone.
I see it as my gift to my family and appreciate that they come over to have a nice lunch together and to catch up a bit on life.
People do bring things, but I am very happy to host and foot the bill.
If I ever get to the stage where I just don't want to do it, there will never be pressure to have to host.
It's the only meal of the year that I like cooking!
Stand your ground OP.

Yeah, I'd tell them to start a new tradition this year by doing their own thing. You're being taken for granted. How dare they not even make a contribution.

I would advise since I am ‘making too much out of it’ and ‘it has to be at mine’ that dinner will be jam butties and crisps, do they all still want to come?

I absolutely wouldn't do this as they probably all still will come but will bitch about how awful you are as well.

@WillieFIrwin what are you going to say to them?

Say "Ha ha ha ha. No."

FFS. My sister is considerably richer than me and my mum and has a big house with loads of space. And yet we still take turns.

Past behaviour like this is why I refuse to host Christmas

I can't believe how people left themselves be taken for such complete mugs. These CFs don't even appreciate all the effort and expense you are gonna to!! For the love of god!

OP tell them you were so exhausted at the thought of doing absolutely everything yet again this year you so you've booked a holiday over Christmas.

Then, quite simply, have your own lovely cheeky-fucker free Christmas at home!

I have hosted Christmas Day for the last 21 years. We have never been invited to any in-laws, for the same reason, we have the biggest house and are well -off. <sigh>
I also have to usually make up about 9 beds because they all want to stay and get drunk, whilst turning up empty-handed. No, I tell a lie; my SIL once came with a bottle of Jack Daniels and then took it home with her on Boxing Day. 😐

So last year I finally said no. We just had my kids and my mum on Xmas Day and it was so lovely and peaceful. We are doing the same this year. But with an open-house drinks/buffet thing on Boxing Day which they are all welcome to come to if they like.

But why enable this by doing the washing up? Don't get it!

I would advise since I am ‘making too much out of it’ and ‘it has to be at mine’ that dinner will be jam butties and crisps, do they all still want to come?

“The worst bit is when they’re all sat on their arses when I’m washing up and moaning that they want to open their presents but they’re having to wait for me”

I mean this is outrageous behaviour but it’s very much on you if you don’t say to people “right, can everyone come and help with the washing up please, I’d like some time to sit down too”.

Just tell them you are not hosting and will be staying at home with just your family and you will set up with them at some point after Christmas

Yes agreed @WillieFIrwin as your sister said … don’t make such a big deal out of it by no longer being the family mug and refusing to host.

if they kick up a fuss just remind them to not make a big deal of it”

Sack them all off go on holiday

I hear you OP. My family are the same and expect me to host. This will be my 22nd Christmas. A couple of years ago I said I wasn't hosting but I felt so guilty I changed my mind for my DC's, Dn, DNephew. For me it is the expectation that gets under my skin. The cost is expensive but no one gets it. The lead up to Christmas is exhausting and on the day, cooking all day, cleaning and running around. My Dsis is good as she entertained the dc's with games but it would be nice to be the one to sit back and enjoy someone else cooking Christmas dinner for me.

My situation is different due to the fact my inlaws live with us. My Dfather -inlaw passed away but my Dmother- inlaw is still living with us and in extremely poor health. My parents are both in bad health with my dmum diagnosis with cancer and my dfather has heart problems so I feel I cant say no with everything going on. Also I have a strained relationship with my parents due to them in the past being very selfish, and treating me differently from my siblings. My mum can be very nasty. I am the oldest by 14 years. My Dmum is a jealous person so I am aware with my Mother- inlaw living with us I cant not have my parents even when our relationship is fracture. My parents have been extremely hurtful over the years and growing up but I have to rise above it and play happy families for one day. My Mother- inlaw on the other hand is a lovely, kind lady and over the last 25 years been more like a mum to me.
Everyone will come over, it will be fine and then the rest of the year it goes back to crap. I could say so much more but that is another thread all together. I have asked my dsis and dbro if they could host but they say I have the bigger house. I couldn't care less. I would sit on the floor with my plate. I think the bottom line is I feel taken for granted and when I have spoken up I am told I am unreasonable.

At lease I can have a drink when cooking. I look forward to this and the few hours first thing when i get to see my dc's opening their presents. I do this for them due to them love seeing their cousins 😉

They say you do too much etc and that you make a big deal about it then if you do host this year, no alcohol, no nibbles and for dinner, jacket potatoes or beans on toast for everyone. The selfish lot of them.