AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

Yeah that is insane! Say that as a compromise they can use your house for xmas but they can cook the dinner and bring all the food and booze - you’ve done 7 years, cost and labour needs to be rotated to a different adult each year.

A family member and their partner hosts us all. There's usually 10-20 of us. They won't take any money, they don't want any help.

It's amazing and we're so grateful.

Your family are cockwombles.

You will be guilt tripped into hosting, coz you're kind. Resentment will grow. No discussions, your relatives won't step up.
Quickly book a getaway with your immediate family and enjoy a relaxing Christmas away. Tell relatives, "sorry, taking a break. Want to enjoy my husband and kids @Christmas" - our new tradition.

Hi op you’re just missing the point that your family are entitled selfish twats. I would not be doing the hosting again if I was you. Give them nothing they don’t deserve your generosity.

Who are the 1% who think op is being unreasonable?!

You have a horrible user family and you are a mug.
Tell tthemto crack on with their own plans you are no longer host.
No one needs family like that.

I've no idea why you've put up with this for SEVEN years.

I would write a list of everything that you have to buy and the cost and ask them for £50 each as a token amount or give them jobs , someone makes dessert , someone cooks the turkey and brings it to you , everyone brings their own alcohol.

Write this in a text/ What'sapp / email , get them to put their name next to each item .If not book a pub Xmas day , we have done it two or 3 times and it's lovely.

I think they mean too late to book the suggested holiday

OMG !! F**k The Lot Of Them !! Bunch of Selfish, Entitled B's !! In saying that, You hve allowed this pattern to develop over the last 7 years but if any of them had an ounce of decency they would address the fact the cost of living has skyrocketed and is affecting everybody. It's none of their business what you earn, but i'm getting the impression you have been too transparent about your finances and now your family have weaponised it. Break the chain now. Bunch of scroungers !!

OP please book a Christmas meal for yourself and your immediate family. There may well be spaces for what would be a smaller group. If you suspect your lazy relatives will turn up keep a number of these in stock. Pop them on the table in front of each freeloader add hot water and give the freeloaders a fork each.

Why on earth is it “too late for this year”? Never understand this. You are presumably not the royal family who need to schedule their diaries for staff etc. These people can…go to a supermarket in three weeks and source their own Christmas food?!

Too late for this year, but I would suggest booking a holiday for next year, for just you and your family. This should create a clean break in the 'tradition', and prompt others to take some initiative.

I would say to her i'm happy for you to host Christmas this year in my home. Let me know when the food order will be coming and what time you will be over on Christmas morning to prepare the meal. Don't forget the wine.

My gosh I can’t even imagine! We have a big family Christmas yearly and alternate houses. We all chip in kitty money to cover the food as there is a lot of us. We then all choose something to cook. Someone will do the turkey, someone in charge of veg sides, someone else pigs in blankets, someone else the potatoes, another cheese board and Christmas crackers, another desserts etc. We bring our own booze. Do a secret Santa for the adults so only one to buy for. And only spend on the kids. It takes the pressure off the host/hostess. It has worked for us for years. I would be firm with them and say you are out of pockets yearly and it has now become a habit. If they’d like Christmas at your house every year then they all have to contribute something otherwise your door is closed and they are welcome to organise something themselves. It isn’t fair on you at all and they are absolutely taking you for a ride.

This is what happned in my house I was so busy doing everything for everyone else the whole day passed me by and my kids moaned and I felt like I had missed out

Nope. Tell them straight out that you're not doing it and their resistance to helping in any way at all is part of the reason. What a bunch of chancers.

Haven’t read all the replies, but my strategy would be to say I will provide the space, lay the table etc, but they must organise all the food and drink between themselves. I would make it crystal clear that there will be no food provided except salt and pepper. And stick to it.

apparently I’m “ruining it for the kids”

Surely your kids are barely seeing their mum on Christmas Day?

Please stop this ridiculous arrangement for the sake of your own household.

What do your kids and husband say about it?

One of my siblings hosts every year but we are given a list of what to bring in advance. Could you say that you will only host if, for example, your sister brings starters, your brother brings wine, and your mum brings desserts?

Oh shit if them, I'm so sorry OP. It's not on your to make it special for everyone at detriment to yourself!

In my family a few of us are expected to do the cooking, then another few do the cocktails and drinks. We all chip in money wise etc.

It's really grabby of your family to expect you to do everything 🙁 and pay for everything!

I fell into this nonsense for over 20 years, hosting and doing everything as the biggest house and the money and the ability as I have my shit together It was also a bit of manipulation from my grandmother. I also had rude and ungrateful attendees I stopped when people really started to take the pee It was hard but my kids begged us to have christmas just the 4 of us. The icing on the cake was my BIL shovelling homemade apple pie down his face while saying that I was "prickly". This is the BIL I described to my gran as having a bit of a chip on his shoulder, my gran repsonded with oh No Darling its the whole sack of potatoes! I also work clinically over Christmas, and always Boxing Day . Also we have never been invited to anyone elses for Christmas!
Be strong and resistan to the mnaipulation Good Luck OP!

This is absolutely rotten, don’t stand for it OP. I always host for similar reasons (bigger dining room/more oven space and enough room to put up relatives who need to stay overnight etc). But the deal is that BIL does half the cooking (lives 1 minute walk away) and then carries it over to our house, and then we decamp to parents’ house after for evening buffet. Everyone else either contributes a bit of money or brings booze, and helps with the cleaning up. So I don’t mind that the main meal is always at mine.

Given your family’s behaviour, I wouldn’t want to host again full stop. But at the very least, they should be sharing the practical or financial load!

Being broke is one thing. Not bothering to help out and not even bringing a bottle of wine, quite another. YANBU!

@WillieFIrwin , you absolutely know you're not being unreasonable and your family are CFs !! However, I assume that as the years have gone by its got harder to say no. Well make the change this year otherwise you never will.
Do what you are happy with, if thats hosting and everyone contributing either by £, or bringing food or drinks (if you trust them to), get them to help on the day too.
Or not hosting Christmas dinner but inviting them later in the day for drinks, nibbles, maybe a few sandwiches etc or inviting them a different day if you want to.
How old are your kids?? Surely you want to spend time with them rather than being at the beck and call of your very ungrateful family.
Enjoy your Chistmas your way !