AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

We don't inundate them with stuff they don't want to force some sort of contribution they've said very clearly many times over the years they don't need. They both earn very good money, and they like to treat their families to a slap-up Christmas. We are lucky recipients of their love for hosting Christmas. Every year we tell them they're allowed to make other plans!

Buy only the drinks you need for your household (and stash them somewhere nobody else will find them). Tell your family it's BYOB.

Come Christmas, when people arrive order Dominos (if it's open?) and don't actually order it until everyone has paid up. If people say you ruined it for the kids, then that's not true as most kids would much prefer a Dominos to Christmas dinner anyway. Or buy a bunch of cheap oven pizzas for the kids if you think they won't pay up!

Yep, one extremely provocative post at 4am and then nothing more!

I agree with others. Everyone brings a dish or drink -you shouldn’t be either paying for it all or having to cook it all. If they are reluctant to cook, then revert to cooking Christmas dinner for your immediate family only and they can come to visit you afterwards. If they do this though, I’d still expect them to bring some food/snacks/drinks so you don’t have to do everything. Maybe if they make their own Christmas dinner this year they will appreciate your efforts the last seven years.

Where is the OP?

Good grief lass, you need to stop. Cancel it all NOW and go away somewhere.

Anywhere.

Why do so many women put themselves through all of this stress?!

I have to admit that I have wondered what happened when she got back.

I remember that thread from last year. Was there a follow up?

What's happened since December 8th last year, @grinch123?

That’s so awful for you. They don’t deserve your hospitality.

Whichever household hosts in our family, we all chip in towards the cost of the food/drink and we all help with the cleaning etc

Either:
refuse to host entirely or
tell them all what you want them to bring and what job each of them is going to do.

We get an awful lot of people booking for next Xmas on Xmas day. So when menu's and pre orders open in August, half the tables are already taken. We were fully booked by the first week in September. We could have sold out twice over if not more judging by all the enquiries since. So yes, get in early!!

YANBU but you’ll be hard pushed to find anywhere now for Xmas day , same thing here totally fed up of footing the bill cooking and hosting n no one bringing anything so a month ago I said we’re going out anyone wanting to join us speak up now Long story short nowhere decent or even half decent had anything left unless we wanted to eat at 11.45 am 😂😂😂 at £90/£120 a head I was gob smacked, apparently you do it in September !!
.

This happened to me but all but BIL chipped in with some money, food, washing up and clearing up debris from unwrapping presents. Still a lot of work but lots of laughter as well.

I think it was this one regarding presents OP. She ended up cancelling with her family and going on holiday...
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present?page=1

The sister tried to get in, even though she knew the householder wasn’t there???

Yes i recall it. Think she planned a holiday with her daughter

No, but the AUDACITY!!

Quite frankly I would lay it all out and say this is how much it costs, regardless of me earning the most it should not be on me to pay every year. In addition to me doing all the shopping, preparation, cooking and tidy up. It is not at all selfish of me to not want all of the mental load and financial burden every year but it is very selfish of you to all put that on me every year and not contribute anything to it. Perhaps if we took it in turns you would see how selfish it is to assume I will do all the work and take the finals for every year. If you want me to host I will but everyone contributes to the food and drink situation,
you all tidy up afterwards.

After many years of having to host (distance and DH’s work schedule mean we can’t travel at Xmas) we have said no this year, we just want a Christmas alone to actually enjoy it. I’m fed up of missing time with my kids and not being able to relax. For us it means parents and in laws staying for a few days so it’s 28th before we can relax properly. It also makes my AuDHD DC dysregulated more frequently with the excitement and change of routine and too many people so I have to pick up the pieces from that whilst MiL shouts at him and makes the situation a million times worse and she’s usually the reason he gets set off in the first place. It’s infuriating and I’ve started being really short with her when she tries to inset herself into ‘parenting’ him instead of just leaving us to deal with it. Like as an adult would you want someone shouting at you when someone else is already talking to you about to? I’m going with no! So don’t do it to a child!

We’re done with it and are looking forward to a calmer Christmas. I fully expect to be balled for them having a crap Christmas but quite frankly they could go away if they wanted or go out for a meal. When they are here, I didn’t have a nice Christmas so sorry, not sorry!

Yep this nails it.

For people who are absolutely determined to bully/guilt/manipulate others to get their own way, blunt to the point of rudeness is the only way. The fall out will be epic to begin with, but once its done its done.

I seem to recall there was a thread about this kind of situation last year - from memory the OP was going away so as not to have to host CF family, but the sister was trying to use a spare key to access the house. Or something like that, there may have been returned expensive gifts involved. Does anyone remember the details better than me?

The only way they will get the message is if you say "no, I'm sick of being taken for granted and you lot freeloading".

And stick to it.

OP, I would just tell them you're not doing it and leave them to froth.

Have a nice Christmas day with your own family.

Indeed ...I agree 100%

You can change it. Just click on the vote you want to make and it will change.

I don’t even go over to someone’s house for a roast dinner without bringing a nice bottle of wine or the dessert. If I go to somebody’s house for Christmas, I usually bring a crate of fizz and a well stocked cheese board. I can’t believe the cheek of your family. I’d be embarrassed if I was them.