AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

Wasn't there a very similar thread last year where the woman's family wouldn't accept NO so she booked a holiday abroad, and her sister actually went into her home to steal Christmas presents?

Cannot express how very lucky I am to have the in laws I have - bio family were a waste of time but the fates made up for a crappy childhood with the most amazing DH and In-Laws who understand that as a result I have always wanted Christmas to be magical for my kids, especially as with SEN challenges life/school etc can sometimes be really tough for them despite a doting family.

Family should come together to support and share at this time, @WillieFIrwin not freeload and emotionally blackmail the person with the biggest dining room.

It often amazes me with stories on MN how people behave and how they don't seem to realise how entitled they are. This is learned behaviour IMHO and in your DS's case OP, the apple doesn't seem to have fallen very far from the entitlement tree, looking at your DMs behaviour.

Book a takeaway, or buy a load of ready prepared junk and serve water to drink, that should be a sufficiently small deal for them.

I used to always do Christmas, but my brother and mother always came laden with gifts, bottles and all sorts of bits, several trips to the car to bring it all in!

Loving your dad!

They sound awful. Take this year off, and maybe don’t host again.

We always host a big family gathering for my side of the family. The first thing everyone does on being invited is ask what they can bring. One sister sends us 12 bottles of fizz, the others arrive laden with beer, wine and gifts.

Rule 1 of Mumsnet.

No, is a complete sentence.

Time to be blunt.

“tradition is tradition”

"You mean the tradition where you all get a slap-up Christmas for free and do sod all towards it while I run myself ragged and pay a fortune?"

And this is what a real family does - share. Share the thought, effort and expense of Christmas, as well as the joy. Your extended family sound great (unlike OP's). Hope you have a good one! 🎄

My sister hosts for a similar reason but we all chip in (someone brings dessert, someone brings snacks/starters, someone sorts the booze, and my sister usually gets the meat and veg) and we all help with prep/cooking. We would never expect her to do everything by herself! It's very unfair of your family to react in that way!

My sister has a huge house in London, and by far earns the most, and I would NEVER expect her to host because of it! Never asked her, never expected it. She would tell us where to go! We all just host in our own homes, and people pop in and out of each other's houses if they can.

The only unreasonable thing here is you actually asking if it's OK to say no. What do you think? Read back what you wrote about how you are being spoken to and treated, and then think again if it's "okay" to say no to these people.

You've been far too reasonable and your family is taking you for granted so that now that you are understandably suggesting stepping back, THEY are the ones who are offended. It might be hard but I would absolutely say, "this year we have decided to do our own thing and won't be hosting the wider family". You could then suggest meeting up at the pub on some other day over the period but make it clear that you will not be footing the bill. It will cause a huge fuss but if you don't step back, you will be seething with resentment forever and they will continue with their rather self centred ways. (And as for your sister being on her phone ... don't get me started!)

This says it perfectly 👌.
Op you’re so kind , they don’t deserve to have you to call family.
That said , I hope they buck up , apologise , make it up to you & see what asses they are 🤞.

Happy Christmas OP 🎁
x

OP, I was in the same position as you, biggest house and everyone's expected to come here. My family never contributed, although the one time I asked my mum to cook the ham, she deliberately burnt it so I wouldn't ask again!
This year our finances are different, I just couldn't do it. It was taking my love of Xmas away, the stress, everything left to me etc. I told them last week and although shocked, they were fine. I can't tell you the relief I feel. I didnt realise how much stress it was causing me. Tell them you are not hosting and stick to your guns. Only you can do it.

Totally agree - which is why I would stop this "tradition" dead in its tracks now. Then OP's family of CFs will have a full year to think about their greedy, lazy, selfish, entitled behaviour and decide if they want to behave like decent human beings next year.

YANBU to stop hosting, or at least give them each a list of stuff to cook and bring (plus booze).

YABU to do ‘all the cooking’. Your partner should be doing their share to help.

You've told them that you don't want to host Christmas - its not your fault that they choose to ignored that. Just remind them that you're not doing a meal this year but they're welcome to visit.

You probably should gave set some boundaries with this early doors.

Some families think that having the 'privilege ' of being in your own home means you stand to the cost.

You have stated your problems and they have given pathetic excuses. I would have laughed in their faces if they accused me of being selfish and ruining Christmas.

Tell them an outright no, and you are starting a new tradition of not be a walkover. I bet this isn't just a Christmas thing anyway.

They honestly sound like awful, entitled people, OP.

@WillieFIrwin YANBU OP and PLEASE stand your ground on this. Your family of CFs has taken advantage of you for far too long and now you're stopping the Christmas gravy train they're indignant. Tough. I would be so furious with their selfish, entitled attitude I wouldn't even want to spend Christmas with them this year - I'd tell them "We're doing our own thing this year - suggest you do the same."

I would take a year out from hosting in your situation.

100% NBU. You're handling this brilliantly. Stay firm. If no one else wants to host the extended family, have a lovely stress-free Christmas at home and let the others do as they will.

Perfect

'We're definitely not hosting this year, no matter how much you all complain, so we need to make alternative plans'.
Repeat this, or similar words, every single time they ask/demand.

They are so rude. Don't bend. You need to be invited elsewhere for the next seven years to make this acceptable.

This is outrageous! We usually have a Boxing Day at my DA and one year I gave my Tesco vouchers (when I used to shop there) but I always take something and some flowers even though she doesn't want me too.

You spend a fortune and have all the stress and now they are annoyed you won't. Instead of being grateful.

Just tell them you are not doing it.