AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

I’m sure there was another thread where the OP cooked lunch but her family were “too ill” to attend but could she please take the food to their house as they were sure they could manage something - she wasn’t invited to stay however!

The sad thing is I think the OP intended to follow through with that plan 😳

Awful ungrateful family. Fuck them. Tell them you're going away this year. They don't deserve you.

Also, I can’t believe that your mother allows this to happen. She shouldn’t want her daughter to play this doormat role. She should want more for you. By any chance are you the family scapegoat? If so, you have my sympathies. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

You are going to need support to get through this so keep reporting back here, especially if you start to waver and we will give you a kick up the arse a gentle reminder to stick to your guns.

1% said Yabu... Hello op's dsis...

YANBU.

Your family are very rude and entitled. I would be telling them to do one.

Nope. Stand your ground OP. Not only can they not be arsed to host themselves but they also clearly do not want the expense of having to pay for their own dinner elsewhere.

I simply hate hosting around Christmas and New Year. Costs a fortune, nobody contributes anything and my house is left like a bomb site. DPs family bring their own alcohol, drinks ours too and literally hold onto theirs to avoid sharing with others. I think the final straw for me was the year my BIL and SIL brought their then toddler aged child and allowed them to wipe/spill food and drink all over my then brand new sofa. No attempt by either for them to clean up as ‘it’s just baby mess’ - so I spent a great deal of time having to clean up after said child. Didn’t supervise child the rest of the evening even when I pointed out that toddler was rifling through my under sink cleaning cupboard. And I got left to babysit, and generally keep child away from various cleaning products the remainder of the evening. What a great Auntie I was they exclaimed!! Their other child also flooded our downstairs toilet by filling sink up and letting it spill over.

Even doing a buffet costs a fortune and I’ve found that DPs family tend to help themselves to a large take home box too. Including any leftovers we already have in the fridge. One year - and I know this sounds tight - but we had a load of posh pasties we had bought fresh. Some remained uncooked (we had bobbed them in the freezer) since we had less people arrive than expected and we had one family member swipe the lot when they were leaving. £4 a go - at least 10 of them. For reference we are a family of 6 so we had no issue with going through the rest of them.

They all suggested coming to ours this year - DP turned to me and said he really doesn’t want to either. So thankfully, we are off the hook. We’ve arranged to go out ourselves with just our kids and no intention of going anywhere else afterwards.

Put your foot down. Nail it to the floor if necessary. They will all kick and scream and call you every name under the sun but do not budge. I have been in your position my whole life until this year. It is a terrible stress for you. And is expensive. I am sure you love your family as I do mine but they are a bunch of CF freeloaders - as are mine Even if you can afford it keep that money to do something nice for yourself in the new year. You deserve it.

I think they are jealous and resentful of you, and coming and bringing nothing and not helping is part of that mindset.
Tell them today you won’t be hosting this year. No further words or explanations.
Only invite the few people you actually want. And stick to it. Hi ave the Christmas you want.
there will be fall outs, spongers don’t like it when their gravy train comes to an end.

I'm also amazed, but pleased, how the tide of opinions on here has turned on Christmas issues like this.

I posted two years ago as BIL's new girlfriend (thankfully now ex) was kicking off that we do a "everyone chips in" Christmas.

We have 20-26 attend a year and it was decided 10+ years ago that it's actually easier if we just order/buy everything and then we all split the cost. She thought this was outrageous and the "hosts should host".

The replies on here roundly agreed with her and most of the replies said that if family expected them to financially contribute to Christmas dinner they wouldn't go.

Glad to see the OP has better replies!

You essentially told them you wouldn't be hosting this year at this time last year...
so just keep saying that you are done with hosting. You're not going to get an invite anywhere else from the sounds of things, so have a quiet celebration and start your own new tradition of not letting your family walk all over you.
It's going to be bumpy and they're not going to take it lightly, so be strong and hold your boundary.

Tell your family that you've heard that the Far Side of Fuck is very nice at this time of year, and you've booked them a stay there over Christmas.

Yes that's the one. I don't know how to find and link.......

YANBU, and don’t compromise.

I would be blunt and tell them all that you aren’t hosting this year and they’ll have to make their own plans.

My father in law always stays with us 3 or 4 days - does nothing , brings nothing - but he is 86!! And always transfers me £150 for my Xmas present 3 days before Xmas and £100 the week before for my birthday - so he more than contributes. Thing is I wouldn’t want him bringing anything ( or anyone else for that matter) as my H in particular is fussy on quality and my fils idea of ok wouldn’t be my Hs - I’m a bit more live and let live .

i think the fact they don’t even feel somewhat embarrased for me OP would just put a stop to it and for anyone who thinks by the way that a couple of bottles of cheap wine or a tub of biscuits entitles you to full 3 course dinners for you and your kids plus full evening buffet and limitless booze including spirits , it doesn’t - there are people who won’t accept bringing food along ( probably for reasons like my H) , or won’t take money if offered - at least give them £60 on a gift card or something quietly and offer to clear up etc and send flowers afterwards etc

What a bunch of arseholes. Sorry.
I NEVER hosted ANYTHING and didn't miss out on much, either!
Obviously, stand your ground. I mean, why do you even consider it? Such audacity. If you let others take and use, they will take and use as much as they can, regardless of who they are. Obviously, not all people, but most.
Boundaries.

I was just thinking about that thread. The OP took her daughter on a Disney cruise if I remember correctly.

Typo...not a dig at OP or PP. Not a dig at anyone other than OPs family!

YANBU, it is so expensive to host and even if they are skint they could manage to bring a bottle of wine or a pudding and do the washing up.

I wonder if you are the oldest sibling and have been parentified from a young age?

What were Christmases like 8+ years ago? Has your mum had enough of hosting?

Oh that sounds a good one.. please can you find the link? 🙏. Was it the one where the OP sounded lovely and used to make a huge effort for Christmas each year and her family gave her nothing. So she ended up going to Disney World with her daughter?

YANBU. I’m you, but the difference is my family are grateful and appreciative. If I said I felt it was too much and people didn’t chip in enough, they’d be mortified and immediately offer to help. Tell them to fuck off-just do christmas for your immediate family. Your sisters comment of doing to. Much is typical of someone who does fuck all and has no idea how much effort and expense goes into hosting even a very basic christmas.

Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.”

I'm afraid this actually had me chuckling. The cheek of her!

I think the ideal outcome would be everyone shares the cost and helps with the work (you cook, they wash up? Or everyone brings something ready-made?) and you can all use your dining room if it really is the only room that can hold you all. If you don't fit elsewhere, I guess you don't fit.

But if they won't listen to that, maybe forewarn them that this year you have taken your sister's advice and won't make a big deal of it. Just scale right back.

Or just refuse, but that will be harder to come back from if you mind falling out.

I'm equally amazed that there are such people pleasers out there. Genuinely.

I'm far from assertive but I'd not even need to question telling them to fuck right off in this instance. I'd only have trouble settling on one of the many options on how to do it!

That's not a dig st you PP, it's reassurance that they so extremely rude that it's eye opening. I can see why after years of such outrageous behaviour you've been conditioned to question yourself.

You're right though, they are twats. My response would simply be that, ruining it or not, that's the lie of the land. Contribute and show some gratitude or find another place for xmas.

YANBU they are a bunch of cadging bastards

Book a pub lunch for your household and let the rest of them sort themselves out

I can’t believe people are so rude and entitled. My mum always hosts but I bring a significant amount of food and contribute financially. Anything else is beyond cheeky!