AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

Yes that's the one I was thinking of!

Stand your ground, they’re taking you for a ride! I never host, it’s always my BIL but we always chip in, I’ve already sent my £50 for this year so they’ve got it early enough. We then take a few bottles of wine on the day too. I find it outrageous they won’t even entertain this!!

I’m the mug who does it all too. This year though I have told certain family members to bring various things, eg wine, festive crackers, cheese crackers and a pudding. The worst bit is when they’re all sat on their arses when I’m washing up and moaning that they want to open their presents but they’re having to wait for me. I did want to go out for Christmas dinner but oh no it’s far too expensive! We will just go to you angel as normal.

I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place. Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?

Because people get accustomed to the status quo and they liked the old setup. Which says nice things about you. Especially at Christmas people can get really funny about change. We sort of fell into a similar situation in my family for genuine practical reasons. The difference is when that household said it had become too much, we acted like grown-ups. But there's something powerful in the default situation becoming how things 'should' be in people's heads.

I think your mum has a lot to answer for here and all this should’ve been nipped in the bud years ago. Why weren’t your siblings not taught to never go empty handed. They should be asking what they can bring! If you do want to spend any time with this ignorant bunch of cheapskate ingrates, offer to host a bring a plate cold buffet at New Year. Otherwise do your own thing with people who appreciate you.

Btw don't feel pressured to feel you have to book a break to get away from hosting. Just tell them you're going away then when everyone has made alternative plans,just say you've decided to stay home.

They have got far too used to taking advantage of you and will pull out all the emotional blackmail stints to get you to continue. Hosting would t be the issue if they financially contributed but they are far too entitled to to that.
Ask yourself why you have let them treat you like this

I could have written this OP!
Every year my family pitch up... Mum, Brother and his wife and child, my kids, grandkids. We don't even have a big house and someone ends up on the sofa while we juggle camp beds ...but apparently because I have 'the biggest house' and a car (Mum doesn't drive and brother lives in London so got rid of his) it's me.
Last year was awful..Mum is losing her memory and her social filter, favours one grandchild over another and it ended in a row (first time ever, I'm conflict avoidant!)
And guess what...yeah doing it again this year🙄 Mum piles on the guilt and reminds me she's old etc etc.
STAND FIRM!
I have said that the meat eaters (I'm veggie) need to bring and cook their own..I'm not doing it any more. And if they want stuff they need to fetch it themselves. We'll see how it goes!
The only break I've had is one year where my Mum stayed home, and brother went to his in laws. I booked a restaurant with my (adult) kids and dh and it was BLISS!!!!
Go away, fake illness... do whatever it takes. Don't be me!!!

I would out the foot down, it sounds like you have done a lot of hosting and they don’t even want to contribute buy bringing drinks/dessert/nibbles which would help a bit at least.

Unless there’s massive backstory and you’re a millionaire while they are scraping by there’s no reason why it can’t be shared around a bit or at least they help out.

IMHO, if you have "the nice house" and are reasonably well off, then it would be lovely if you were able to the regular host every year moving forward.

However, of course, the rest of your family have to play their part too. At minimum -

To express hope that you are hosting again, and to express gratitude if the answer is yes
To offer to bring snacks, make puddings and cakes, and (of course) bring booze
To offer to help with food prep (perhaps going out of their way to arrive early so that this can be done in good time)
To chip in together to do all of the washing up

I think asking for them to contribute to the cost of the main meal is a bit much, but their job as caring family members is to offer so much help that it wouldn;t cross your mind to ask.

Posted too soon, sorry.

Yanbu to not host. You deserve a lovely Christmas too. Cheeky fuckers not even trying.

What a bunch of twats. Surely them all transferring you some cash to help with costs isnt going to break the magic of christmas.

I'd book myself on a nice holiday somewhere warm and let them sort it out themselves.

I go to my sisters house (abroad) with my kids every other year. I pay at least our fair share for the food, we all muck in together to cook, my other sister and my son do the washing up. Family aren’t the same as guests - they should help!
Tell your family there’s no obligation for you all to spend it together and you are not hosting this year. But should you actually want to host, say right, sister you are proving the turkey (she can bring it with her or before oven ready), or ALL the sides; brother you are bring ALL the booze. And spouses can do the washing up. Or a mix of that. Stand firm.

@WillieFIrwin - your post reminded me of someone who posted about quite a similar situation to yours, last Christmas. You might get some ideas from it!
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present (there is an update thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5228231-cancelling-christmas-pt-2-updates?reply=140462049).

My sil hosts. It's a lot of work though she buys ready made sides. (The turkey is expensive) I have tried to bring stuff every year but limited to what will travel. (Will bring as much as I can of things that will go in the car)

100% yes to the suggestion to go on holiday! Go somewhere sunny and chill out, so your family cannot even try to descend on you last minute. They are cheeky fuckers and you need to make sure they under that you are not joking!

Yes! This! I wouldn’t dream of eating elsewhere and not offering a contribution of some sort. If people are that rude and abrupt with you and make it that obvious it’s expected they will take advantage every year, I say be just as blunt in return! Don’t let their emotional blackmail get to you. That is not fair

I think you are right and things like this creep up on you and before you know it, it has become the thing that you are doing and paying for everything. I would either cut entirely and just say sorry you are taking a break, or I would say that for this year you need everyone to help, cook a course each and bring it with them if the distance allows this.

This week we were discussing plans, and when I brought up the cost again, my sister said, “Well if it’s too much for you, maybe don’t make such a big deal of it.”

I would do just this and try to book a last minute holiday somewhere sunny.
Then tell the fam you decided to take sis's advice (thanks sis!)

Well if you are looking for permission to say 'I am not hosting Christmas', have my permission @WillieFIrwin
Text or group chat or whatever, 'For the last and final time, I am not hosting Christmas'
They will all know the reason why, since they have all slid out of paying, planning, prepping and clearing up for SEVEN YEARS. Who made you the Christmas drudge for a load of selfish misers?

I agree with others too, don't suggest meeting up in a pub over the holidays, you will be seen as 'host' again and be left with a massive CF bill.

Perfect!

Do you have a partner and children of your own OP? Just wondering what Christmas will look like if you stick to your guns.
Could you offer a boxing day get to gether, with everyone providing pre agreed food/drinks?
Or Christmas day evening get together, for presents, and everyone bring snacks?
YADNBU to be firm and not do lunch.

Book yourself a holiday and go away this year. Leave them to it selfish fuckers

Nope. They can’t force you. They clearly abusing your hospitality, and the audacity to say “you earn the most”. I dare my SIL’s in law to even try making comment like this to me and my husband. Bloody cheek !!!!! I’m literally angry for you !