AIBU to have primary-aged children, and not do the elf...

I'd also say the elf doesn't have to be much work if you don't want it to. I've never spent more than a couple of minutes on the elf personally and I'd never do anything that requires a load of mess/clean up. My kids love it.

That's not to say anyone should feel they have to do it if they don't want to, but just to point out that a low effort version can work pretty well.

The elf is far too much work. And I don't even know what a December box is. Regular chocolate advent calendars and a tree and some lights in a couple of weeks. That's all.

The things my daughter tells me her friends' elves get up to definitely take more than a couple of minutes and trying to come up with 24 ideas is my idea of a nightmare. I've got enough to do.

7 and 8 year old here and we don't do it because the elves only come to houses when santa thinks the children who live there might be naughty to keep an eye on them. So if you don't have an elf, you must be on the good list. You're welcome

Oh god no. It’s just too much to have to add to list of things to do. He has a advent calendar

We don't do it because i'm the type of person who would need to make it bigger and better and go all out. And it's hard enough keeping on top of the cleaning without adding extra to the list. Plus DH is proper against it, which helps everytime I get weak and think about buying one.

We've never really explained why we don't have it, just that we don't. We laugh about the silly things other peoples elves get upto though.

We do a book advent (with a treasure hunt clue to the book in her advent calendar), chocolate and this year lego. We also do a december 1st box (with new Christmas clothes - jumper, pjs). Adding an elf on top seems overkill :D

Mine are 9 and 11. We’ve never done it.
Advent calendars absolutely
no special breakfast or anything else.
Christmas decs go up around 1st dec. I LOVE Christmas but not that commercial nonsense

By all means don't feel pressured to do it OP. It's meant to be fun, not a chore, and your children certainly won't be 'missing out' on some big tradition

I have to say though, the idea that they cost a lot of money (I've spent more on a fancy hot chocolate) or take more than maybe one minutes thought and effort on an evening is really something

Ours doesn't report on behaviour either, just does funny/cheeky things

5 year olds love 'magic' and they're not little for long

Dont feel bad for not doing it, you're not obliged

But don't get suckered into thinking it's some huge effort either. Do what works for you

We do it, all a bit of a laugh really. takes about 2 minutes out of day before go to bed.

10 year old said this year can she help setting Elf up on a night time for her sibling to see in morning which thought was quite sweet.

If you dont do it, its not going to cause some childhood trauma.

You do you. We had a cloth advent calendar with bits like Christmas hair scrunchies, chocolate coins. As a family or with friends carol singing for charity, helping deliver parcels to the elderly, concerts and carol services So grateful the elf wasn’t a thing when our kids were little. From what I see on social media it seems more about photo opportunities than anything. If you don’t start it you don’t have it to stop.

HNRTFT but this rubbish is ridiculous.Advent calendar and Decs mid December along with pantomime is absolutely fine!!

I’ve never done it. I’ve children from ages 5-23. None of them have ever even mentioned an elf.

Oh, actually! My now 12 year old dd had on in her classroom when she was in reception. I got called in as she coloured its eyes in black “to make him blind so he can’t see if we are naughty.”

She’s normal now.

I do the elf but I’m in the minority amongst my mum friends. It’s not as popular as social media makes out imo.

Yanbu. Each to their own, but the whole concept of the elf doesn’t make me feel Christmassy at all. DC are 12 and 8 and have never asked about it. I don’t think I know anyone who actually does it, other than a previous childminder.

The elves is a pain, but they bring my children so much joy that I can't imagine
December without them now.

I think the elf thing has been around for about a decade, hasn't it? So I think all current adults 'coped perfectly well without it'. Though I always hate the argument that it's some sort of achievement or prudence to not buy things that literally didn't exist - 'we didn't waste our money on mobile phones in the 70s!'

7 and 4 year old here and we don't do it. DH is inherently suspicious of anything new(!), and I also think that it's an absolutely unnecessary extra thing for us to be doing. I can also absolutely guarantee we'd forget, and so that it would in fact be less 'magical' than not doing it at all.

I think it's fine to pick and choose what works for you with these things. We have cloth refillable advent calendars so I do get quite into getting little bits and pieces for those (they both got little Lego people this morning), which I'm sure some people would think is complete overindulgence when you can buy an advert calendar for £1. They both got matching Christmas PJs yesterday - bought off Vinted for a couple of quid a set, and a small investment of my time to find the same pair in two different sizes. They'll wear them until outgrown, like all their other PJs - we often wear Christmas PJs in June in our house! We're going to the panto which is costing a bloody fortune, but I have never ever paid for meeting Santa. But I guess you could look at my family and see the bits we do do and think we go all in for Christmas and that everyone else is doing everything. No one is posting the bits they don't do or that they half-arse on social media!

Have a 6 year old and I've never done it. I think it's a bit iffy psychologically to tie presents with being good/bad. And I can't be arsed.

Advent calendars, pjs, baking, visitjng father christmas and some incompetent crafting are all fun

None of this stuff is necessary.

If you enjoy it and can afford it, knock yourself out - otherwise don’t worry about it.

My children are late teenagers. I very much dislike the over commercialisation and overconsumption which has come to be involved with Christmas so we didn’t do any of it:

No elf
No Christmas boxes
No Christmas PJs or bedding
No Christmas jumpers.
No paying to see Santa
No chocolate advent calendars

Despite this “neglect” 😆 my children love Christmas, which for them is all about spending time with family.

We never threatened them with the “be good or no presents” nonsense either so we also skipped tantrums, over excitement and stress in the weeks before.

You absolutely don’t need to spend excessive amounts of money to have a magical Christmas.

DS1 is 6 and has mentioned it in confusion / longingly at various points since starting nursery. I just go "that's odd, I've no idea why some families have elves visit!" Definitely a few families in his class that do it, but he's not the only one that doesn't.

I’ve never known anyone doing it in real life.

We don't do it. DS asked last year why we don't have an elf and I said I probably won't remember to move it every night. He looked confused for a moment before realising. If he tells his friends at school I assume I've done the parents a favour.

Two DC here; we don’t do either.

We do advent calendars (not fancy ones), church services in advent and at Christmas, stockings, a visit to Father Christmas and usually a trip to London to see The Snowman or similar, and the other Christmas school related things like a trip to the panto and the school fair, choosing a tree and decorating it as a family, making homemade Christmas pudding and cake, then maybe a visit to a National Trust house decorated for Christmas.

I did the elf for my youngest daughter (she’s 16 now!) Bought an original branded girl elf, cost a small fortune back then!! Anyway I have a 6 year old boy as well now. I found said elf a few years back. Did the balloon arriving with the elf and various advent calendars when he was about 3/4. Then again the year after…. Last year the elf came on a helium reindeer, with 3 various advent calendars. As I felt pressured by others. Well in about day 3 I found the balloon popped!!! And the elf in the garden!!! Apparently she popped the balloon then jumped out the window as she hated her job. I brought her back in and put her in the Pjamas I’d bought for her. My son came in from school that day, handed me my phone and told me to ring the police. The elf, he said, was stalking him, it’s harassment and he wanted her arrested and sent back to Santa. He said he didn’t need her watching him to be good, so she could leave. After pissing myself laughing I decided that I was going to use the elf to amuse myself, watching my son’s reactions to her. He’s thrown her out windows many times. Put her in the washer. Tried putting her in an envelope with “Santa, North Pole!” Written on it. He has also trapped her in doors, baby gates, fed her to the dog!
This year, totally for my own amusement I’ve bought Miss elf a friend. And something called “frost pips”, which are tiny newborn Elves. I won’t be using her to encourage good behaviour or to bring a treat everyday. But to make some silly memories and have stories to tell my boy when he’s older about his antics with the stalker elf! I also don’t have social media so this is purely just for us! He’s hilarious around it. So, don’t feel bad!!! Not all kids engage with them. Or you could get my situation where for 25 days we have a Tom and jerry spin off! She’s going in his book bag tomorrow…. Bet he leaves her at school lol!!!

Those of us in our 40s and 50s coped perfectly well without it. I'm sure today's children can also if their parents learn that useful word 'no'.

Ditto Christmas Eve pyjamas.