Which one of these parents would you judge more

Ahh I missed this from the OP...

possibly nd

Probably because it was 9 friggin posts in...

Not sure why you've decided the child is actually autistic though, but I'll bow to your diagnosis.

Tell me you dont have an autistic child, without telling me......

ITs all about picking battles. Teeth? Non negotiable. Hair brushing? Once on a monday with braids (as I said above, DD has afro/euro hair so braids on a monday would last all week) non negotiable, but weekends? Do what you want. Baths? Again, once a week non negotiable. Smart clothes when required, yes but within their comfort zone. DD for example always needs her head covered. So she wears a hoodie but for smart events she wears a colour coordinated beanie. All good. The rest of the time is usually PJ bottoms, bare feet and a hoodie. Shoes go on as she leaves the house and come off as soon as she walks in as she hates them. No socks either.

No one is "ruling" anyone and the fact that you went there suggests that the person who insists on ruling the roost is you with no compromise at all, your way or the high way right?

Both. Neither sound like they're being well brought up tbh. One is being taught to behave appallingly, and the other is neglected, without even the basics of personal care i.e clean clothes, hair brushed, personal hygiene seen to.

Look, as much as you're trying to point your finger at the other child's parents here, it doesn't change the fact that you're allowing your child to rule the roost.

And I'm having real difficulty believing that your kid brushes her teeth every single day, twice a day, when she can get away with not wearing shoes or having her hair brushed/washed etc, because she's a 'strong willed free spirit'.

Hmmm.

You can tell who has a child with eczema and who doesnt! DD has the double whammy of eczema and afro/euro curly hair!

@Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout this is your sister, right?

Same.

The only thing that is really unequivocally unjustifiable is the child calling people fat and ugly.

I feel there’s a lot of judgement on here. I have parented 2 children with good hygiene, one with autism one without. Then child 3 is like yours, and gets terrible sensory issues with clothes/water. I won’t physically force a 10 year old to have a shower. They were fine up to about age 6. Have tried everything to help with her autism and sensory issues, and I think people do just judge on your parenting.

I have to say, I’m surprised at the outrage on this thread about weekly baths. Once per week is absolutely fine for children, providing hands, face and genital area are washed daily.

I would judge bs parents more, as they are the ones not managing the basic parenting that's more likely to impact their dc's health. Washing once a week isn't enough and hair should get brushed daily.

As social skills sound poor and they need help around calling people names, but that's a far smaller issue.

I'm thinking US style beauty pageants or ballroom dancing classes?

I was inflicted upon a teacher of Highland Dancing once a week in the early '70s. The class immediately after ours was Ballroom Dancing. We didn't wear make-up; the Ballroom pupils were plastered in it. It looked grotesque.

Bizarre post 🥱

other child mentioned in our house that her dm says mine should wear more dresses and have hairstyles like hers

So child A was in your house. Is she a cousin or a friend of your child's? If she is a friend it is kind of cool that two such completely different kids are friends. If she is a cousin - well people are different.

I can't imagine getting upset about what a 6 year old said her mother said. It could be completely out of context. Her parents didn't judge you - you just heard a bit of something from a child - maybe something she overheard and mis statd. - a child and whose parents you are judging hard.

I wouldn't want a 6 year old wearing make up and being mean and watching screens all the time. I also wouldn't want a child who only bathed once a week (but what you say about child B makes me think neurodiverse and mother and child getting by)

Why are you making this a parenting competition? Children are different. you cope as best you can.

I'm expecting that B is at least being taught to wash his/her 'important bits' at the sink?

In the 1960s, it wasn't uncommon for people to live in a house that didn't have a bath. Once you were too big for the Belfast sink, it was a case of a tin bath in front of the fire once a week and a wash at the sink all other days.

The parenting for A sounds appalling. However, I'd worry about B if they're often not wearing shoes outside.

I'd say both seem neglectful but in different ways. The children are 6 so the one that is scruffy seems like she has lazy parents who cba to spend the time to make sure she understands about hygiene. The one with a phone sounds like she needs more one on one time with her parents.

Sorry, I can’t think about anything except A 6-YEAR-OLD CHILD WEARING MAKE-UP???!!!! 😱😱😱

I would judge either, even if DC B has additional needs which makes hygiene hard to manage its all the more important to instill routine at this age than when its impossible in a few years time.
Its not hard to get rid of tatty clothes, replace with new ones, after the initial tantrum they'll have to get used to it.
Same with washing, offer a reward, but just get it done (and I hope teeth aren't also being neglected?)
No shoes outside is a safety issue. They could stand on something sharp and dirty and end up with an infection.
If the parent is so unable to manage general boundaries then I'd also worry about what diet is like.

Child As makeup and spray could also be an issue if its being pushed by the adults rather than the child's interest. The youtube and large amounts of screen time is far from ideal but not uncommon. Her behaviour towards others needs addressing.

I wouldn’t judge either, having had 1 dc who showered daily, took interest in doing their hair, was interested in fashion and watched makeover videos on YouTube from fairly young. Also had another one that I had to force into the shower, didn’t care what they wore providing it was comfortable, spent most of their time outside playing sport/digging for worms, and getting the matts out of their hair was a nightmare.

Thats just how they were, I would have laughed if anyone had judged me for it, can’t change their personality, and I wouldn’t have wanted to…

Most of us are just doing the best we can with what we have and know. When we know better, we do better. It’s easy to judge people based on a snapshot of their existence. We never really know the full story. I’m not thinking about extreme cases here. Child abuse is obviously not acceptable in any case.

I know for a fact that both of my children would be judged differently based solely on appearances/assumptions. They’re both so deeply loved and cared for and brought up in the same household. Their individual needs are met and that looks quite different for both of them. Their packed lunches alone would have people thinking they hailed from different planets 😂 Chicken salad in one and Nutella sandwich in the other 🤷‍♀️

I think it’s fair to say we all (in some capacity) judge parents based on their children’s behaviour/appearance but that’s not to say we’re always right about those judgements. Therefore I try to keep an open mind. Mostly I just mind my own business to be fair.

I stepped on a sewing needle and the spiky bits that hold the carpet both, both obviously inside. Picked my foot up and the needle was hanging out!!

Both parents sound awful.

Bathed once a week us disgusting, they will smell and yes I’d judge you and feel sorry for the child as they are being set up fir a childhood of bullying and being ostracised.

Similarly we have clothes that really should have been retired as they have outgrown them, but they love them so they are kept longer than really appropriate. They have done sensory issues with clothes so prefer clothes that are soft, worn-in and familiar.

Well they both sound extreme and possibly neglectful.
One child sounds like Orphan Annie and the other like Veruca Salt.