Which one of these parents would you judge more

This made me laugh.

Tantrum?! A meltdown is far more than a tantrum and no they dont "just get used to it"

This is very true and interesting to read as a ND adult. I still sometimes miss (more than I should) a couple of bits of clothing I had as a child that were hugely important to me but were undoubtedly put in the jumble sale as soon as I outgrew them. I wasn’t allowed to have an outward ‘meltdown’ because it was the 1970s and it was out of the question.

Here’s the thing though: our childhoods don’t have to be entirely ‘perfect’. Children don’t have to agree with everything adults do. Children don’t need to be kept in a state of permanent bliss. Of course they need to be cared for, loved, valued, intrinsically content; but those things aren’t diminished when a child feels upset for not getting their own way. Whatever kind of parenting is the norm now, it still needs to be done by adults who don’t feel they need to ‘people please’ their child. Going outside? Put your shoes on!

The case as presented in the OP -

Parent(s) of child A: too much emphasis on materialism
Parent(s) of child B: probably say they are gentle parenting

Each style could be ‘judged’. Provided each child is loved, nurtured, safeguarded, fed, encouraged in resilience and life-skills, and educated, all in no particular order of importance, then it is horses for courses.

That isn't the way to do curly hair either.

It needs to be wet twice a week at least, conditioner applied and scalp cleaned (most conditioners contain glycerin, which will help with cleaning), then conditioner needs to be spread gently through the hair, and once the hair is caked with conditioner you can detangle with a wide toothed comb/ rake. Then you rinse the hair and wrap it in an old t-shirt, followed about half an hour later by scrunching with gel.

Detangling sprays will leave residue in the hair, and the curl pattern will be disturbed if you try to get a comb or brush through it even using sprays.

Kids need a bath or shower more than once a week

Those nails are determined! 😆

Same with my sister, she stood on a rusty nail and it went straight through her shoe into her foot, so the shoe didn't provide any protection 😅

It might be 'silly', but so far it's worked for me and mine, and the rest of the country that I grew up in! Perhaps there's a lot more broken glass litter in the UK than I realised.
Regardless, my experience and cultural perspective means that I don't personally see a problem with the OP's child being frequently barefoot.

It doesn't do any harm until you're sitting in A&E for 6-8 hours waiting for glass or a rusty nail to be removed from your child's foot.
And working out if they need an anti tetanus booster.

Yep. Dog mess, man spit, vomit… You’d almost think our ancestors created shoes for a reason. There are a lot of things children are unaware of OP (I’m speaking as someone who, as a ND four-year-old, refused to wear clothes for much of the time. The result being I had to stay in the house if I wouldn’t get dressed because thankfully my parents were responsible adults). Your kind of parenting doesn’t do anyone any favours, least of all your child. Things that keep your child safe and healthy are non-negotiable, ND or not.

That's silly.

You can find broken glass and sharp objects anywhere.

Some risks are worth taking and others are not.

Whether you've known anyone to be injured or not, is neither here nor there.

To be fair, I don't think that ever happened to me or any child I've known throughout my life, including my own children. The one foot injury I got was a rusty nail that went right through my gumboot, so wearing shoes wasn't much help!

Obviously common sense is needed, so if you're going somewhere that often has a lot of debris then shoes are required, but otherwise a person's feet having contact with the ground isn't going to hurt them.

Yes, my dc had eczema as a young child, and I was advised by the GP to limit baths as much as possible. Also lucky to have curly hair that could easily go for a week without washing

It doesn't do any harm until you're sitting in A&E for 6-8 hours waiting for glass or a rusty nail to be removed from your child's foot.

And working out if they need an anti tetanus booster.

Both will be unhappy adults (presuming the second is yours OP). Why? Because the first is over-indulged and the second has a parent who compares children with each other. Yuck. Grow up. Children need their parents to be adults.

I agree with the bathing once a week not being enough, but I grew up in a country where most kids roam around barefoot everywhere by choice, even on the high street or in the shops - even in a (fairly temperate) winter, and it doesn't do any harm! It might be unusual in the UK and obviously wouldn't be alright in winter, but otherwise as long as the child has shoes to wear, it doesn't seem like neglect.

I think anyone who says child b is being neglected, doesn’t understand what neglect of a child actually looks like.

It really doesn't, does it?

It's not about you and your kid.

This is about the OP and hers, who is 'Possibly ND' in the OP's own words.

If you want to make it about your child who has been diagnosed, feel free to start your own thread instead of taking this one off on a tangent.

Child B is neglected. No shoes and only bathing once a week. That's not normal.

Because she has described my (diagnosed) DD word for word, even down to the same type of hair. Its actually a bit weird! Before DD was diagnosed I soon worked out which battles were worth picking and which weren't and like the OP I put it down to it being "just how she is". The diagnosis was a relief for both of us which is why I would strongly recommend that the OP pushes for that.

So basically, you are on here hoping for a pile on of the child who is well looked after and nicely dressed, and hoping for praise for your own free range parenting.

Regardless of what your kid is like, that doesn’t reflect well on you.

I'd judge both parents, but I'd like the scruffy child better than the nastily behaved one, and probably judge the scruffy child's parents less.

There's no issue with no shoes (being barefoot is fine), or stained clothing, although clothes should be changed daily (except perhaps trousers if they're clean). Baths or showers really need to be two or three times a week though, and getting into that habit will help when the child is pubescent and needs to wash more often. And if longer hair is knotted and unkempt because caring for it is distressing for the child, then I think it should be cut short - it's so much easier for everyone!

Its not hard to get rid of tatty clothes, replace with new ones, after the initial tantrum they'll have to get used to it.

Tantrum?! A meltdown is far more than a tantrum and no they dont "just get used to it". That item of clothing ends up in the charity bag or the bin. Ask me how I know!

Even without reading any of OP's subsequent posts, it was obvious she is parent of child B. She avoided the character assassination on her own child that she did on child A.

I'd think from the description, that neither child sounds as if they're being well parented.

I'd judge anyone who allowed a 6 year old to wear makeup, swear and insult people. Her parents need sorting out.