Which one of these parents would you judge more

Maybe get your child in the bath more? Or make sure she's clean a different way, otherwise absolutely child B would be mine. Permanently filthy and up a tree. Also in the bath every night religiously. (Yes, I do know about skin oils).

Neither is ideal, is it? While it's obviously wrong to anyone with half their wits to raise a child to think appearance is so important that you should faff about with adult cosmetics in childhood and insult people who don't meet your idea of attractive, there's a balance. Allowing a child to be dirty and unkempt isn't particularly pleasant for them either.
I'd probably judge child As parents for bringing up their child with these attitudes, and think that Bs parents may need some help to care for them properly.
A child needs to be bathed regularly and have the knots combed out of their hair each day for hygiene and comfort, and to have clean clothes to start each day, as this is social etiquette. Shoes should be worn when feet need protection.

Am much closer to child B in my parenting - mine are a bit scruffy, have hand me down clothes that they cover in paint and dirt while playing but I do insist on shoes and wash them slightly more often. I would feel a bit sad for child A as it sounds like they don't get to properly play much

My view is that both styles of parenting have merits and demerits. Child A is clearly well cared for and loved. However, wearing makeup (unless just as part of play), liberal access to screen at age 6 and feeling that it is ok to call others names indicates that some aspects of their parenting is not so good. Child B parenting seems to allow the child to explore and express themselves and place less emphasis on physical appearance and has boundaries in place. However, allowing to the child to not comply with necessities relating to personal hygiene/grooming is not such good parenting. Hair brushing is a daily necessity and only gets more tangled and thus harder if not done. Even if the child is ND, they need to brush their hair (I have ND grandchild who hates haircuts but it still has to be cut). Daily baths are not a necessity for a child, and to my mind once a week is ok as long as they wash hands and face and bottom and wear clean underwear daily. Grubby top clothing is not such an issue if they are playing out or doing messy activities.

Have you had any interaction with a neurodiverse child? Shoes can often be a trigger for them.

come on situation b is obviously far worse straight up neglect and the poor child is probably ostracised at school for smelling bad.

I also don’t agree with devices for little kids and my 8 year old doesn’t have one but the phone is obviously being used no differently to how millions of kids that age use iPads. An iPad basically is a giant phone after all I don’t get why people act like one is way worse.

I actually feel sorry for both kids - one seems treated as older than she is the other a bit neglected and the mother a bit proud about her being unkempt.

@PyongyangKipperbang Yes we survived but it didnt make for a happy childhood. Or at least it didnt for me. So I do not subscribe to the "it didnt do me any harm" school of thought. If we all did that then kids would still be having horrific corporal punishment as a matter of course.

Why leap straight to extremes? Of course it’s fantastic that children are treated better than we were in the ‘70s. All I’m saying is it’s gone a little too far in that it seems children are NEVER allowed to feel even remotely uncomfortable. Being told ‘no’ can be upsetting for many (not just ND) kids but it still has to happen if the desired result is a well-rounded, resilient adult. ‘Can I go barefoot out in public?’ ‘No you can’t, you could hurt yourself’. There’s nothing wrong with teaching appropriate self care because we know more than them. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp.

ive never heard of people not showering at least once a day until I joined mumsnet. Both children need parents who parent.

Your DC sounds like me as a child. I only ever wore shoes & socks to school, or when “out”. (Other than in cold & wet weather outdoors, then it was wellies) First thing I did coming home was remove them. Bath 2 x week. Ran about outside in old hand downs from brother, camps in the wood etc.
I was always with my brothers, I have no recollection of brushing my hair but Mother cut it short anyway.
I loathed dresses.
IMO, other child will create problems, & already is if her language is bad at that age

As for the swearing all it takes is your child to over hear a swear word at the park from an older kid next thing you know they won’t stop saying it yeah you can tell them not to but you don’t know they aren’t saying at school

If you think your child might be ND then it’s far easier to set up daily hygiene habits as part of their routine now rather than waiting until they hit puberty.

Child b
neglect right there

as for child a sometimes you do your best to raise them and they still turn out as little shits

Neither.

Also I really bloody hope you’re checking your child’s hair for nits, as if it’s not being brushed regularly it can be really difficult to spot. From a relative working in schools it is quite often the “crunchy” mums who have to be informed that their child is absolutely crawling with the buggers because they haven’t been near their “free spirit” kids’ hair for weeks…

And if you think she’s neurodivergent then are you getting her assessed? Again nothing worse than a kid playing up and then being told “oh we think they are autistic/ ADHD” but that the parents are doing absolutely sod all about it.

We have severely disabled autistic children, one of whom hated bath (and all hygiene stuff). We worked with an OT to get him in the bath and found fixes for the other stuff.

I do think once a week isn't enough and just because that's what you got in the 90s doesn't mean it's OK.

Sorry- i assume your child is B. You are actively neglectful and quite frankly dirty, food stained clothes and a bath once a week is disgusting.

I do agree with the OP about shoes. I never wore shoes in the house or garden as a child, and at 67 I still usually don’t whatever the weather. I do most of the gardening barefoot, take out the bins barefoot, and wash my car barefoot. I would only wear shoes for safety if I’m using the strimmer. I’ve never worn slippers indoors either.

I was a child in the 1960s and Sunday night was bath and washing hair night. We never had baths any other day of the week, and most of my friends were the same. Things are very different now and my daughter always had a daily bath or shower as a child, but I’m sure a thorough wash woukd have been sufficient much of the time.

Of course their feet are dirty! I never wear shoes at home and my feet get dirty! Bath once a week is pretty revolting. Body parts get hot and sticky no matter what the weather, especially if child is spilling food down themselves.

Parent 1 is awful letting the child swear but parent 2 can’t even be bothered to teach their child basic hygiene. My niece hated her hair being brushed and used make a right fuss, she isn’t nurodiverse, my kids hated brushing their teeth and at 6 they DID need help, they weren’t nurofiverse, my mum showers twice a week on set days, she isn’t nurodiverse. Stop making excuses for your own laziness as teach your child how to look after themselves.

Child B needs an intervention by social services, they are being abused.

Child A is displaying bearish behaviour and needs correcting.

Neither parenting is of a good enough standard but I wouldn't look at parents, I look at the child and determine if their needs are being met.

Judging people is a horrible behaviour BTW.

I judge parent of child B. Becuase parent of child B wants to be told they are the better parent.

th point of this thread is for ParentB to feel superior to the parent of Child a.

parent B is not a good person so yes I judge:

Child B sounds a lot like me as a child. I’m now nearly 50 and bath night and hair wash was Sunday (before the muppets) and we had a shower after swimming. In between was strip wash. It is only very recently that daily showers/baths have become a thing. It isn’t good for kids skin.

Hated my hair being brushed, still do, and it makes me sneeze.

I would wear shoes as little as possible, so no shoes in house or garden or when going to play at a friends. My mum would always try to get me to wear shoes, but as soon as I was out of sight off they came and I would carry them.

Now a fully functioning adult!

Let kids be kids, they have quirks. So long as she knows that she has to wear shoes at school/ shops/ out and about going shoe free at home / garden is fine. She doesn’t need to have her hair done at the weekend. So long as the comfy clothes are clean, don’t have holes or badly stained then roll with it.

Even if they are running around barefoot everywhere including outside in the woods? Surely they need a quick feet wash at least.

Both are crap, child B's parents more.

If she’s doing crafts and grubbing about in the garden and woods, she should be showering or bathing more often than once a week. Fact.