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Original poster

To ask how you deal with naggers

34 replies

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:29

I'm sick of being constantly nagged.

Latest is DH. "Where's my wallet?" "Can you do (whatever) for me?". Tonight we had food, drink and finished tidying up. I said is there anything we need to do/you need before I sit down? Asked if he wanted to watch anything.

Him: no.

Me: I'll watch a bit of TV then.

Yet again he talks through, asking random questions and pestering, not just a random chat but constant demands. Yet again I turn the TV off. I can never relax. And we're on holiday!

Do you have people like this and how the hell do you deal with them? Asking in desperation!

OP posts:
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HelloDandy · 01/12/2025 18:09

Depends who is doing the nagging and what they are nagging about.

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 01/12/2025 17:34

Yes. He's 29 and always lived in the family home home. His mother died a few years ago but did everything for him, then his sister helped him a bit but tbf she has her own life. He's a lovely man but the constant attention seeking drives me mad.

He agreed he's annoying as he did the same with his mother. I can be annoying as well at times.

If it keeps on I'll find him plenty of chores.

OP posts:
Mistyglade · 01/12/2025 00:04

Has he always had everything done for him?

Mistyglade · 01/12/2025 00:01

CalmShaker · 30/11/2025 21:35

That made me really angry reading that . Personally I'd microwave his wallet, put his head through the TV and start divorce proceedings

🤣

Mistyglade · 30/11/2025 23:59

3luckystars · 30/11/2025 21:43

You are not his servant.

Exactly.

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 23:54

Yes I have and he keeps doing it so I'm going to use the broken record technique from now on.

OP posts:
ChristmasHug · 30/11/2025 23:03

Have you tried talking about this? He sounds oblivious and whilst he shouldn't be it's easier to just tell him than wait for him to realise by making passive aggressive remarks.

I have ASD, my ASD son takes absolutely all my 'random question needs answering right now' quota and dh has been firmly told to decide himself or wait if it needs me or isn't urgent.

Tell him.

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 22:55

I've started doing that.

OP posts:
RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 30/11/2025 22:22

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:45

It's a good idea to step back and have boundaries which I'm learning.

Yes, should have brought my headphones!

He was asking where his phone is. Err I don't know, where you last left it? We're staying in a small flat so can't have gone far. Things like that, just wanting my attention.

He's asking where it is. You don't know. So just say "I don't know" in as bored a tone as you can summon up.

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 22:05

True and good point. The broken record technique and playing him at his own game.

OP posts:
VikaOlson · 30/11/2025 22:02

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:47

He's kept asking what to do about the recycling. I said leave it in the bin outside as per the instructions. Rinse and repeat.

Maybe just don't engage if it's attention seeking "I've already told you what to do with the recycling and now I'm watching TV. Don't ask me again" then ignore.

"I don't know where your phone is, you will have to look for it yourself. Don't ask me again"

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 22:02

@Nushi21 Good you're assertive and pity you have to be. Good idea.

After turning off the TV I was annoyed and decided to play him at his own game whilst he was playing a computer game. I kept disturbing him which he didn't like and he's now gone to bed in a huff. I said now you know how I feel. It's a shame it's the only way to get a bit of peace and I don't want to be annoying but there you go.

OP posts:
Nushi21 · 30/11/2025 21:54

My DH nags about unused/leftover food in the fridge. Oh my good lord, I don’t need that in my life.
i just tell him to shut up cos he sounds like his mother.

I don’t ask if there is anything left to do. I Just say I’m done with all my jobs, now I’m going to sit down and watch tv. I don’t need anyone disturbing me. Kitchen is closed and I’m unavailable.

OP, don’t entertain your dh’s comments. You’re busy doing your own thing.

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:48

Noise cancelling earbuds sound great!

@Fiftyandme That's fair and perhaps I didn't it word it clearly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:47

He's kept asking what to do about the recycling. I said leave it in the bin outside as per the instructions. Rinse and repeat.

OP posts:
Fiftyandme · 30/11/2025 21:45

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:38

It's not normal convo as in watching a programme and trying to work out whodunnit, have a laugh or make occasional comments.

Oh yes, he's driven me to distraction today.

Good idea to raise the volume!

From what you’ve said he isn’t ‘nagging’ what he is expecting you to hang on his every word As his assigned PA and jump when required.

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:45

It's a good idea to step back and have boundaries which I'm learning.

Yes, should have brought my headphones!

He was asking where his phone is. Err I don't know, where you last left it? We're staying in a small flat so can't have gone far. Things like that, just wanting my attention.

OP posts:
FoxRedPuppy · 30/11/2025 21:45

I haven’t seen any examples of nagging in this thread. Annoying behaviour, but not nagging.

Fiftyandme · 30/11/2025 21:44

Bluetooth noise cancelling earbuds tuned into your TV or your music streaming service. It’s bliss.

3luckystars · 30/11/2025 21:43

You are not his servant.

VikaOlson · 30/11/2025 21:39

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:38

It's not normal convo as in watching a programme and trying to work out whodunnit, have a laugh or make occasional comments.

Oh yes, he's driven me to distraction today.

Good idea to raise the volume!

Could you give some examples of the 'nagging'?

TheatricalLife · 30/11/2025 21:39

Just be honest. Tell him everytime you start watching something he talks his way through it. You'd like to watch it in peace and quiet so can he please stop yapping until it's finished. If he asks you anything else during, totally ignore. Or connect your headphones to the TV and watch with those on!

Original poster
Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 30/11/2025 21:38

It's not normal convo as in watching a programme and trying to work out whodunnit, have a laugh or make occasional comments.

Oh yes, he's driven me to distraction today.

Good idea to raise the volume!

OP posts:
3luckystars · 30/11/2025 21:37

I don’t understand at all? What do you mean nagged, is he just talking to you or is he asking you to do things for him?

Malariahilaria · 30/11/2025 21:37

As long as you keep supplying him with answers and service, he'll keep asking. You need to train yourself not to see yourself as the house fixer and finder. Its hard, I'm working on this myself but its taken a few solid 'serious' chats asking people why they think I should serve them to change things.

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