Ended our relationship of nearly 40 years.

@CunningLinguist2 Er? No. Just seen it all before. No marriage- no morals. I’ve seen people just see it as their right and they do what they want - as here. Not committing is leaving your options open deliberately. Just is. That’s why more unmarried couples split than married. They don’t want to commit. 40 years with previous unfaithful episodes is a long time but the partner here is acting as if not married for a while. Op expected better but didn’t expect marriage.

@GreatOliveTiger Stay bolshy, tell your children and use your anger to power you through. You have put up with things for a long time, so now live your life for you, doing all the things you have put off.

Like others have said, tell them the truth. You don't need to protect him, he's made his bed. His relationship with his children is between them as adults.

Sorry i accidentally pressed you are being unreasonable.

Dont do Christmas, nobody will blame you and they have nearly 4 weeks to get a turkey sorted.

If I thought my mum had stayed with my dad for one day more just for my benefit I’d be very upset. Tell your family. Still host with him not there, or make other plans. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and good luck moving forward.

Get him out of the house. Keep hosting your Christmas with your kids and grandkids. He is upset as he got caught

I am awe of you. Well bloody done! Tell them now and don’t have a stressful Christmas. What an arse of a man. I hope he dies lonely.

Just tell them. Chances are they suspect/know already.

Focus on your own best interests.

Are you high?!?

I've got some real black, macabre humour for your situation, which I hope brings a smile.

A woman aged 102 years old decides to divorce her husband after a marriage of many decades. When asked why, after all that time, now she has decided to divorce? "I wanted to wait until all of the children were dead".

Your children are grown ups and whilst they might dislike it (yet again, you might find they don't mind at all and already see their father more clearly than you have), they can cope with this.

What would really ruin Christmas would be the tension of two people who are in conflict and preparing to divorce one another, trying to pretend otherwise. Or, if the pretence were successful, your adult children looking back and feeling deceived by you both.

You have been hurt. You deserve consideration and care in this situation. And not to give one minute more of your life than necessary, to this selfish deceitful man.

Find some people who will provide the support you need and deserve, and surround yourself with them at Christmas. Hopefully, that might be your adult children, but if they can't handle it because of the relationship they have with their dad, then I'd suggest you give both them and yourself some grace by changing your plans.

Eh?

The much maligned MN phrase 'are you on fucking glue?' could not be more appropriate here.

What an utterly ridiculous comment

OP I'd just tell them the truth and I'd tell them asap - as others have said I wouldn't do the "let him tell them it's his mess" thing because who knows what lies he'll spout and then you'll have to unpick those as well as dealing with everything else.

Be strong OP, you have been so strong already so continue like that, head held high and dignity intact. You've done the right thing, he never deserved you. 💐

They're adults, tell them the truth. It's not likely to ruin their Christmas if it hasn't been a happy marriage anyway.

🙄

You’ve just got yourself the best early Christmas present OP. Sounds like you’ve put others first for way too long.
Tell your family, you’ve done nothing wrong. Let them host and spoil you.
He can just do one.

You aren’t married so no explanation needed. He did what he wanted and isn’t married. In effect, you are both single - so just be single. I don’t understand why non married couples get the same angst over separation as married couples. You aren’t committed to anything with your partner. I see your feelings are hurt but you also could do exactly the same with no remorse. You both reserved this position for yourselves. He’s just taken advantage and you didn’t. Just tell dc what he’s doing. Keep to facts.

i think you should tell them before christmas. I wouldn't leave it to him or try to hide it because of the ramifications of trying to cover it up and the risk of a nuclear explosion when you are hosting. I am so sorry that you have to do this and wish you a happy future.

Let him go. He’s brought it all on himself.

Imagine having to pretend everything is ok. You just can’t do that to yourself.

Your family will know there’s something wrong and I’m sure they would much rather you be honest with them and true to yourself.

Honestly, I would pack his bags or just chuck his stuff out of the window (whatever you fancy at this point). You sound like an extremely strong and grounded lady. I would tell everyone what has happened, and if you have the fortitude for it, carry on with the Christmas plans, but just without the arsehole. xxx

You’ve absolutely done the right thing. Enjoy a relaxing Christmas with your children and grandchildren, who will be supportive of your decision I’m sure.

Those who are adults/teens will have picked up on what he’s like and will be at peace with your choice when the surprise has worn off.

Wishing you all the best for 2026 OP.

Tell them now. Christmas doesn't matter.

Well done on your decision. You sound so strong and determined in your OP. Will your exP leave the house if you tell him to? If this were my parents, I would want my mum to tell me ASAP. Your DC are adults, they can handle it.