Ended our relationship of nearly 40 years.

Don't wait until after Christmas. They're not going to be unaware of your problems. Just start moving forward, OP. Good luck to you.

Tell your children, let them support you. They don't have a great relationship with him anyways, so why should you care.
Good luck OP, I'm glad you know your worth at last and are moving forward. Make sure you get your fair share, he's an absolutely awful man.

Put yourself first. For once. The situation demands it.

Or invite the kids to go away with you just for a few days at Xmas and get a holiday cottage with space for you and them, somewhere not too far? That is what I would do!! Sod the unfaithful twat.

Can you perhaps rent a flat for the next month or so?? Maybe on Airbnb. Tell the kids what has happened and invite them for dinner at your rental?? And DH can stew on his own.

Just seen your update that you want him to buy your share of the house so you can start afresh outside London. That seems like a good plan. Fresh start with a geographical distance. Nice cottage with room for 🐐 seems good. Next Christmas with family in front of a log fire and plenty to eat and drink in a relaxing happy atmosphere. Completely achievable.

I’d tell them and just carry on with xmas as planned he hasn’t bought you out yet , it’s still your house Ignore him and carry on as usual That’s a huge betrayal and I am sorry that this has happened to you.

OP, if you were my mum, I’d want you to tell me whenever you were ready and able so I could best support you. You sound like a lovely caring mum - put yourself first for once.

As long as you are parking legally I would crack on

Duplicated post

The delusional mindset of cheats who think there will be no consequences of their cheating when they get caught is hard to understand. Time and time again they think everyone should just move on and their lifestyle and family relationships should just carry on as before. But when you are confirmed as a dishonest cheat who has lied to get excitement and sexual gratification outside your established relationship, family generally see you differently. It also seems an affair with this women is particularly hurtful to OP, which the family will be aware of.
Good luck OP, but don't let the initial hurt cloud your decisions to maximise what you are entitled to.

I would tell him to leave (at least over Christmas) and host without him. Tell the kids why.

OP, tell the children the truth.
Do not protect him.
He doesn't deserve it.
Forget about Christmas, that is on him.
See your children elsewhere if necessary.

Be glad you found out.
We are here for you.
You will be ok.
Take all the support you can.
Blacken the bastards name.

Your children are old enough to have their own children and households. Tell them now when it’s early enough for them to be able to prepare the grandchildren for a different Xmas week than they were expecting.

You are doing the right thing. You have a fresh chapter ahead for 2026.

Can you ask him to live somewhere else from early next year?

Can you find somewhere nice to rent and invite everyone over for Christmas? Then tell them - I suspect they'll all be really happy for you and it'll make for a nice Christmas gift!

Edit: without him, of course.

I do enjoy these sorts of posts on MN - keeps me remembering the totally batshit thoughts that go through some people's heads. So easy otherwise, to fall into supposing most people think the same as you, or very similar.

I'd be really upset if my mum hid this from me just because of Christmas. Your children aren't actual children any more, they can take it! Let them be there for you.

Agree with others to not make a hasty decision about the house. It's very tempting to just want a clean break and move on. But if you have rights to equity in the house then get it. Even if it's to give to your children or set up a savings account for your grandchildren, it's yours and you should have it. Just don't make any decisions or promises or sign anything until it's all less raw, in a few months time.

Tell your kids now @GreatOliveTiger - it will be way too much of a strain to keep this secret for 5 weeks until 2016 and also allow him to try and wheedle his way back into the good books.

Don’t move out of the house until you get your money. He could drag his heels for years. Sell up fast while he is still sorry.

Christmas is just one day with a fancy dinner, it’s not a reason to pause your life or change anything. He made his choices and he has to live with that.

I think you owe it to yourself and your DCs to move forward with your life with positivity and honesty. There has been enough sneaking around with your DH (what an absolute dick - he will regret it) and you absolutely don't have to continue that to save face for him or to make Christmas easier for anyone. It certainly won't be easier for you to keep it secret until the new year.

Be open with your DCs but I'd say don't overshare - though I guess it depends on the relationship you have with them and their ages as to how much detail you give them. I wouldn't wait. Find yourself somewhere to live (or chuck him out) and get a lawyer. Good luck!

😂Perhaps the OP should wear a scarlet letter as well... 🤣

Sort it now, tell your kids, don’t wait and live a lie, Christmas or no Christmas! Unless of course it benefits you financially to keep him in the dark.
Get legal advice and don’t give him one penny more than you have to - don’t be a mug on this.

Ah, ok. Thank you.