My sister is dating a sex offender

My SIL has form for dating offenders.
The worst was a convicted murderer. She'd conveniently forgotten to tell us this and my two children had built up a relationship with him and adored him. He ended up attacking her and got sent back to prison.

I'd keep her at arms length, but she's likely to need you in the future. We barely have any contact with my SIL, her taste in men has not improved.

I hope your sister doesn’t work with children or vulnerable adults.

Most of the time men get much less sentences than this.

He must have done something pretty serious or have previous to have got this long as a sentence.

Strikes me hes a liar as well as a convicted criminal.

He assaulted his stepdaughter's friend when she was unwell. Some of the predators I've encountered wait until their target is ill or injured and more vulnerable.

I hope your sister doesn't have kids. If she does, let them know you will get them to safety if they need it.

As for her, no, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. She chooses to date a sexual predator, she can deal with the fallout of her very stupid choice.

Keep in touch with your sister, she is more than likely going to need you, He will be on the sex offenders' register for an indeterminate period due to the length of his sentence. If he does not sign on regularly and let the police know his whereabouts he can be returned to custody. I am a survivor of a serious sexual assault and my attacker was locked up again for breaching his parole condtions, not signing the register, he was also locked up again for theft and when he was released from that jail term he went out and smashed his way into someone's house, vandalised and robbed it. I tend to think (I am baised of course) that people like this cannot be rehabilitated. Your sister will more than likely have been fed a very sanitised version of events which show him as a poor misunderstood victim.

@Flup68 Your sister knows there are huge numbers of single men who aren't sex offenders, right?

OP, I would cut her off as well. I don't actually agree with people saying to keep the lines of communication open. She's a grown woman and your priority is your daughters, not her.

Tell her to speak to the police and get their take.

The stranger who seriously sexually assaulted me as I walked home from work was drunk, the prosecution and sentencing judge made it very clear that is no defence at all, and all that alcohol does is lift inhibitions and make it more likely for a person to act on their impulses.

Conviction rates for sexual assault based crimes are truly shocking. It is worth any man accused to take a punt at court as statistics suggest they are likely not to be convicted. If he was advised to plead guilty, there must have been a very, very strong case against him.

Equally, three years for a guilty plea and excuses around blackouts and alcoholism, seems a long stretch.

I very much suspect he has sold your sister a story that she wants to believe.

Just out of curiosity has your Dsis got really low self esteem, or a history of poor judgement in relationships?

I am genuinely interested as to why she thinks he's a catch.

To be given 3 years then there must have been a huge amount of evidence and possibly prior offences.
Its still difficult to get a rape/sexual assault to court, never mind secure a conviction and then give out a custodial sentence of that sort of length.

Have you done a search online for this person? To actually see the information on the case and trial ? I'll bet he's either lied about it all or your sister us in denial.

No I wouldn't want anything to do with him either. I don't think I'd cut her off though. Men like him are notoriously good at manipulation and his true colours will out eventually. I would however put her on an information diet regarding your dds so she can't feed information to him even unconsciously and I'd never meet her around him or have him at the house etc.

It blows my mind that some women are willing to accept things like this, it seems wildly naieve. Especially the fact he's not really taking accountability for his actions by saying he blacked out. That's actually the most concerning part in terms of reoffending.

I would completely cut her out of my life, OP. She has extremely poor judgement, and isn't the sort of person you want around your DC, blood or not.

Also always love it when men use the old 'drunk and blacked out defense'.

In all my late teen/adult years, not ONCE have I gotten so drunk that I've "accidentally" managed to sexually assault anyone. It's amazing that alcohol seems to only statistically effect some men that way 🙄

I absolutely believe people can change and if for example you get a theft conviction you can rehabilitate. Sex offending is different. It is something in you that makes you do these things and no amount of rehabilitation will change that. It might do enough to stop you reoffending but will never take away the desires. I would feel the same as you.

Yes, i phrased that badly, I meant outside of her house e.g. a coffee shop, pub, walk etc. And definitely not with him, if she brought him I'd leave.

I'm presuming if it was a friend of his stepdaughter then he was obviously much older than 22 himself. Not that age makes a difference as an excuse. But he's presumably a middle aged man who assaulted a vulnerable young woman.

He's no doubt told her a load of bollocks about it, said he's not guilty. That the young woman came on to him blah blah, and all other kinds of nonsense. Your Dsis is a fool.

Age definitely doesn't matter and can understand your stance considering you've daughters.
It must be a difficult situation to be in.

Cross posted. Hopefully she’ll understand why wouldn’t want any contact with him in that case.

This but no meeting with him or at her house... where he might be.

I wouldn’t want to see her at all, but agree with PPs that she might need your help in the future so I would keep the door open for her. I wouldn’t have anything to do with him, though, obviously.

I hope she doesn’t have DC?