Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a couple’s wedding night should be sacred and most importantly, private?

153 replies

RoomKeyNotReels · 30/11/2025 16:05

I’ve always felt that the wedding night - after the vows, after the party, after all the speeches and photos, should be a moment of privacy for the couple. Not necessarily for sex (though for some, yes) but for reflection, intimacy, quiet connection. The start of something new. But I’ve noticed more and more weddings where the couple is so busy entertaining everyone until 2am or 3am or crashing out drunk with friends or doing “wedding night after parties” and it makes me wonder… what are you actually prioritising?

AIBU to think the first night of your marriage should be yours - sacred, calm, private, not diluted by noise, content or a dozen mates in your suite?

(Not pearl-clutching. Just think intimacy gets lost in all the spectacle.)

OP posts:
onlymethen · 30/11/2025 17:28

I’m coming up to my 35th wedding anniversary to a wonderful husband, my wedding night was spent crying about the enormity of it all (I was not a virgin). Enjoy it with your friends if that’s what you want, I think I’d have enjoyed that more.

outerspacepotato · 30/11/2025 17:26

MySilentLions · 30/11/2025 17:21

Me too. It’s like something from Ye Olde Medieval Wedding Etiquette. 😂

Show quote history

AKA YOMWE.

Is there a manual? Does it come with pamphlets?

Straight from Gutenberg's own Presse.

ThisTaupeZebra · 30/11/2025 17:24

OP, I get it.

Years ago, we went out to dinner with close friends who were planning to get married in a few months, and mutual friends. During this dinner one of our single friends, insisted that on their upcoming 'wedding night', we would all stay up playing parlour games, just like we did at Uni.

Call me old fashioned but I was a bit shocked at the overstep. It wouldn't have occured to me in a million years to expect that a newly married friend would make time for me the evening of their wedding, as I would hope they would be spending time with their spouse, or if anybody else, close family. (In the end it didn't happen anyway, of course).

It's one thing if brides and grooms want to stay for the party, but I do think there is an issue with guests expecting the presence of the newly married couple until the bitter end. Will people be put out if they say no?

Maybe there is a blurring of boundaries with the shift from the brides' parents hosting to the couple now hosting their own weddings, but yeah, it is all performatively extrovert imo.

MySilentLions · 30/11/2025 17:21

PatThePenguin · 30/11/2025 16:11

I don't know why 'sacred' wedding night is making me laugh so much but it just is 😁

Me too. It’s like something from Ye Olde Medieval Wedding Etiquette. 😂

Soduku1234 · 30/11/2025 17:20

Rosecoffeecup · 30/11/2025 16:07

They have the rest of their lives for that

This.

StrangePaint · 30/11/2025 17:19

IdaGlossop · 30/11/2025 17:00

The crucial moment being the husband's orgasm because wives don't have orgasms.

Show quote history

Oh, obviously. And the ululating should involve a chant about conceiving sons.

BitOfAWeirdo · 30/11/2025 17:18

PatThePenguin · 30/11/2025 16:11

I don't know why 'sacred' wedding night is making me laugh so much but it just is 😁

Me too.

I'm imagining the couple holding hands and gazing at each other while a choir of angels sing.

Coffeeishot · 30/11/2025 17:18

Coffeeishot · 30/11/2025 17:14

I remember when we got married in the early 90s there was the tradition of "going away" it was expected we left early Dhs best man organised a taxi that late mil said was a must. I was so annoyed I didn't know it was a thing and was sat in a taxi at 9 .30! Seething 😂

Dd and sil was there to the end of their wedding enjoying the dancing and their guest good for them,

Guests*

We also lived together and had children so I don't think we needed any sacred wedding night ! 30 odd years later and this thread has triggered me 😂

ExpressCheckout · 30/11/2025 17:18

In Tudor times, the wedding party would escort the happy couple to their bed - literally. This was called the 'bedding ceremony', presumably to prevent (later on) one of the parties denying that consummation of the marriage had occurred.

You never know, since we now have 'after parties', perhaps 'bedding ceremonies' will become a thing again? Oh imagine the MN threads!

Todayisenough · 30/11/2025 17:17

Wedding night was sacred… a lot of people got to shag for first time donkeys years ago. But most couples live together and it’s just not that sacred I guess because they do it all time. Up t’ thems that just got wed surely.

Pricelessadvice · 30/11/2025 17:16

If a couple wants to stand naked in a field and yodel on their wedding night, that’s entirely their choice.
Why would anyone be bothered?

Coffeeishot · 30/11/2025 17:14

I remember when we got married in the early 90s there was the tradition of "going away" it was expected we left early Dhs best man organised a taxi that late mil said was a must. I was so annoyed I didn't know it was a thing and was sat in a taxi at 9 .30! Seething 😂

Dd and sil was there to the end of their wedding enjoying the dancing and their guest good for them,

DeftGoldHedgehog · 30/11/2025 17:14

At least we have passed the stage of having people in the room to confirm the marriage has been consumated!

Moondropmum · 30/11/2025 17:13

My husband and I got married in a registrar's and then went in a pub crawl with our close friends from all over. We made sometimes to have a couple hours together in-between before meeting up with all our friends. We have a very healthy happy relationship now without that "sacred time".

Lairymary · 30/11/2025 17:12

Horses for courses.

ThreeRandomWordz · 30/11/2025 17:11

viques · 30/11/2025 16:51

I saw a documentary once about some weird sect in NZ where the happy couple were expected to leave the reception, go to their allotted room, have sex ( both teenage virgins) and then come back to the party. Poor kids. At least they didn’t have to display the blood stained bedding like in medieval times!

Wedding in Galilee partially revolves around this expectation.

OP you are deluded. My grandmothers born in 1920 and 1930 respectively both were pregnant when married. And you'll really clutch your pearls if you Google bedding ceremonies. There is nothing sacred about the wedding night for most people.

Prelim · 30/11/2025 17:10

I think people who try and police/judge what others do has something going on in their own life they’re not happy about. Do you think your intimacy levels are off in your relationship? Those who are happy and content generally couldn’t give a monkeys what others are up to and just wish them joy and happiness.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 30/11/2025 17:10

You do you.
They do them.
Everyone's happy with their own choices.
Simples.

Ponderingwindow · 30/11/2025 17:08

My husband and I were living together already. We still wanted to wrap up the festivities early enough to enjoy our wedding night together. I too don’t understand why couples would rather be at a party.

YesSirICanNameChange · 30/11/2025 17:08

Alltheunreadbooks · 30/11/2025 16:53

Well I think weddings are outdated, attention seeking wastes of money, so I guess the concept of one more bonkers ritual is lost on me.

Cool 👍

Legomania · 30/11/2025 17:06

Hons123 · 30/11/2025 16:57

Most normal people do just that - in fact they 'go away' before the reception ends with the guests staying behind. But then again, this is for normal people who date-get engaged-get married and then sleep with each other.

You what now? Are you posting from 1950?

FuzzySnail3 · 30/11/2025 17:06

Most newlyweds in 2025 have already had sec before marriage, they’re shagged out if anything. It’s not sacred

Crispus · 30/11/2025 17:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Crispus · 30/11/2025 17:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PotatoPrometheus · 30/11/2025 17:04

I spent the best part of my wedding night looking after my aunt who was so drunk she couldn’t even stand up…everyone had a great night though 😂 I’ve got the rest of my life to have ‘quiet reflection’ with DH