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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult kids not interested in us.

116 replies

Birlngsnotnicepeople · 30/11/2025 15:36

I would like some sense of the " outside world " if possible. When children are small, you are constantly comparing with other parents. It seems to die off when they reach Secondary school.
My AC are basically not bothered with us.
Is this just how it is?

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 30/11/2025 16:14

I guess I never compared them. To other kids. I just enjoyed them and tried to let them know it.

My two are 26 and 29 and they text and call constantly. One is in the UK just now ( we are in the US) and we talk to her several times a week, and the other lives a five hour drive away but just came for a week.

CandyCaneKisses · 30/11/2025 16:13

Myself and siblings see my parents once a week but that’s probably quite alot from what I’ve read on here.

Original poster
Birlngsnotnicepeople · 30/11/2025 16:13

Poms · 30/11/2025 16:11

How old are they? Was there a falling out, or are they just living their lives in the way that many young people do?

@Poms, Thankfully no falling out. They are late 20's/ 30.

I do understand about being busy and working.

OP posts:
ColaWars · 30/11/2025 16:12

I’m not really sure what you’re asking op.

Do you mean you don’t have people to ask irl anymore if their adult dc aren’t engaging with them?

Poms · 30/11/2025 16:11

How old are they? Was there a falling out, or are they just living their lives in the way that many young people do?

Original poster
Birlngsnotnicepeople · 30/11/2025 16:10

Badslipperluck · 30/11/2025 15:40

You have to make the effort. End of.

Thank You. I do. Very much. I am also living with chronc pain.

OP posts:
Original poster
Birlngsnotnicepeople · 30/11/2025 16:08

BobbyShaftoWentToSeeSilverBucklesOnHisKnee · 30/11/2025 15:39

I'm not sure what you mean by constantly comparing with other parents?

I don't compare my parenting or my children with others.

What do you mean by your adult children aren't bothered? They don't keep in touch?

The comparing was things like milestones, are they reading, what are they wearing to the school disco. Harmless stuff 25 years ago.

OP posts:
Extragreen · 30/11/2025 15:46

How old?
Are you close to them?

Teenagerantruns · 30/11/2025 15:44

Depends how old are they? My 2 adult kids were pretty disinterested in us during uni and early 20s years. Unless they needed money or somewhere to stay, but thats life l think l wasnt bothered about my parents at that age, l loved them but never really thought about thier lives?
Now my kids in late 20's l see them more, but we all live far apart unfortunately, l see my daughter more as shes nearer. We have a family watsapp group thats fairly active, l talk to my daughter a few times a week and my son maybe once a week, more if he is having a problem he wants to talk about.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/11/2025 15:44

My ds sees me at least once a week.

I used to see dm 4 times a week.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 30/11/2025 15:42

How old are your adult children?

in my 20s seeing or catching up with my mum was a bore I wanted to be out with friends having fun …. Now in my 40s with young DC I see her all the time ….Do you think for now your adult DC are finding their way in life and if so feel proud as you have done your job to raise independent thriving adults and tell them that - it might do wonders for your relationship

ReminiscingPineapple · 30/11/2025 15:42

I live 65 miles away from my parents but see them every weekend (unless we have prior plans). My DC adore their GP so it’s important for me to make time for them to spend time together.

Prior to DC, I probably saw them every 3rd weekend or so.

Badslipperluck · 30/11/2025 15:40

You have to make the effort. End of.

BobbyShaftoWentToSeeSilverBucklesOnHisKnee · 30/11/2025 15:39

I'm not sure what you mean by constantly comparing with other parents?

I don't compare my parenting or my children with others.

What do you mean by your adult children aren't bothered? They don't keep in touch?

Wolfpa · 30/11/2025 15:39

How active are you in keeping up the relationship?

I live 200 miles away from my parents and see them about twice a year with a couple of messages in between.

my brothers live much closer and they have a rolling Wednesday tea where a different one hosts each month.

some of staying together is forming habits and traditions

OtterlyMad · 30/11/2025 15:38

What do you mean they’re not “bothered” with you? What exactly have they done (or not done) to give you this impression?