Adult kids not interested in us.

OK for example "How can I apologise for something if I don't know what it is please?"

The "please" is a bit self-righteous indignant even, as though the poster you were replying to knows about your situation and is somehow in more of a position of responsibility than they possibly could be. Which suggests maybe you don't readily take responsibility yourself.

Hard to express clearly, but it's like you are quite ready to look outside yourself for justification and solutions, rather than inwards.

Of course- I dont know anything about you apart from a few words on the internet, but there is my twopennorth, for what it's worth...

Yes, but she would absolutely say she was a great mum. I'm not going to debate it with her, it's pointless, but she plainly wasn't. We're just not close at all.

Very hard Rachel. Mine can be nasty too and has favourites. It does sting as you say. Im low contact.

Nc for this. From my point of view, and it might not be applicable in your case, is my mum would similarly say we don't see her/aren't interested etc but she seems to have genuinely forgotten how she treated us growing up. She was unkind and abusive and I think the would say she did her best. And weirdly I think she probably did. Similarly she makes no effort now. Never calls/messages/shows an interest. My friends see their parents and it makes me a bit jealous and sad as, clearly, you can have nice relationships with your children where they want to see you as adults. That is possible. But it's not something I've had. I've not cut her off, I just don't really get anything back.

that's interesting to me personally @BoarBrush

"Dh actually keeps in touch with them much more than I do, I might message one of them weekly whereas he probably messages one or both of them daily

Why, from your personal perspective, is your husband staying more connected to your own parents than you?

We see my parents every 8-12 weeks I'd say, they're 3 hours away. Dh actually keeps in touch with them much more than I do, I might message one of them weekly whereas he probably messages one or both of them daily. They keep in tough with the DC almost daily, just a wee "good luck on your test" or "have a lovely day" goes a long way.

On the other hand.

My sil had became a granny last year and I recently realised I've only ever heard of this baby spoken by her once, so asked her about him. Well that started a rant about how her son refused to do the 3/4 hour drive to take the baby to see them so she just doesn't bother. That pretty much explains why only 1 of her 6 adult children still see her. She better not do the same bullshit to my two nephews. The whole world revolves around her in her mind.

I think the best attitude to have is to be the one that makes lots of effort but don't have any expectations on what you get back.

Well—I have been reading adult books to them since they were little and especially on long car trips. I don’t think its something you can just start as a family tradition.

Are they busy op would that be it. We have a family app post pics of our dog there. Someone replies. My son works she at college. So they busy mid week

Things I do to stay close with my dds: text them pictures (flowers, archaeological finds, interesting articles) every day; call and chat, tell them interesting things, joke with them, read aloud to them—yes, still, in their late twenties—cook their favorite foods, visit them when I can. What interests do you share with your children? I share a lot of things with them so we like to chat about those shared interests.

I remembered your name from how you despaired at society because I 🙄

and sure enough… all your posts are complaining about how bad weather makes you feel grim and your mood plummets OR criticising people or society

it’s a depressing posting history and explains a lot

Yes I wasn't referring to the OP, it's just sometimes...it is normal (and alright), to answer her question.

Certainly your posting history would indicate you are in a very grey place and unhappy place - talking about how your mood
plummets when poor weather , about how low and depressed you feel In winter, how “grim” you feel, how you “despair” of society… I could go on

op I’m afraid you are hardly the most objective on that.

And you really don’t want to answer some fairly relevant questions, which in itself is an answer of sorts

@Northumberlandisbest said

"I have more time to think about them than they do to think about me"

Is absolutely true @Birlngsnotnicepeople, it's so very easy to conflate your perceived lack of "enough" contact with your children being "unbothered"

@NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag your quote by Kahlil Gibran touched me.

And finally to @UnTrucDOeuf it's not a lack of empathy, is it, really.

Just lived experience for some parents and managing their expectations without emotionally blackmailing their children?

In your first few posts you mentioned living with chronic pain and being lonely, also having no one to talk to about your kids now that they’re grown up and them calling you but being self centred. If that’s your opener on a forum I think it likely that your kids are fed up of hearing you moaning and so are keeping their distance.

They still love you, but in your teens and twenties life takes some navigating and your parents problems are not something you readily cope with. It is common for contact to become less frequent.

You say you have interests but not what they are. What about joining a group (walking, or swimming might be good if you have issues with pain?) and meet people your own age. Try not to mention loneliness, pain, or go on about your kids on first chatting. As a member of such groups myself I tend to avoid members who are clearly emotionally needy or can only think about their family,

I prefer to talk about the hobby. This is my time now. How about you start by telling us about your hobby?

Adult kids are self centred, to begin with they need to be. The hard truth is that even if they live close by and keep in touch daily it will always be more about their lives than yours one way or another. Until you need care, but that’s a whole different thread.

My mum was widowed and in a lot of physical pain when I went to university and used to cry and open every phonecall (a few times a week, plus home for a visit every other weekend) with ‘I thought you’d forgotten me’…while never ONCE contacting me. I went no contact in my early thirties. There was no relationship left to save.

Sorry I didn’t read the post properly, it is fair

Apologise to the poster
not me