To not want to take 6 year old to grandparents funeral?

Mine were 10 and 6 when their great grandparent died. They came, and even had a little role in the funeral, holding charity collection buckets at the end. I was pleased they were part of it.

My grandfather died abroad, but there was a memorial service in our home town. I went aged 7. I am glad I went.

When I studied my family tree, I realised that when most of the extended family died, my brother and I didn’t go to their funerals. I was a bit miffed.

We always had 3 - 4 cats. From time to time, I went with DM to the vets and watched a cat pts. I saw death was nothing to be afraid of.

My father was an atheist, so my parents would never have talked about my grandfather going to heaven.

I guess it depends on the child, and their understanding?

I'd send her to school as normal then collect and bring her to the wake afterwards, assuming it isn't hours from school. This is what we did when my husband's gran died, our children were 7, 5 and 2 at the time. They had a lovely time at the party afterwards and everyone was pleased to see them too.

Of course I would. Why would you exclude a child from a funeral which is part of the grieving process. Never understood why people " shield" kids from death and it's rituals

I remember when my grandad had died ( I was 4) He was in the coffin in the front room in open casket. I went into look as him with other relatives ( I was a curious child) as saw he just looked asleep. And attended the funeral.

Cultural differences possibly apply here as in my country it wouldn't really even be a question, of course the child would go. I would absolutely bring my six year old to a grandparent's funeral. I think it is healthy for children to understand that death is a normal part of life and to experience shared grief. I find people who didn't go to funerals as children are quite uptight and to my mind strange about death. Obviously it's your call but your child is very unlikely to be negatively impacted by the experience. There is nothing wrong about being sad that a loved one has died, this is a way to say goodbye and show love and respect.

I think in England we are different to other cultures regarding kids attending funerals (I am one of them!).

But I think it depends on the child and circumstances. I know of families where younger children have attended the wake but not the service which worked well.

I'm glad I didn't have to take my kids to Mils funeral and that one of my friends looked after them on the day. One of them would definitely have needed a wee during the service and for me at least it would have felt disrespectful to be getting up and taking them out.

I didn’t take DS when he was 6 because I knew he would find seeing his grandparents and parents distressed very upsetting and it was a difficult enough situation without having a distressed child there.

If it was an elderly relative who hadn’t died in a shocking and traumatic way like the above then I may have taken him.

I don't go to funerals as an adult if I feel i have any choice!

I wouldn't take a child unless they wanted to go. I'm not bothered about death at all but funerals are depressingly horrible and no part of any mourning I do, I certainly wouldn't think that they helped anything. I've been very clear that I really don't want one myself.

I have no idea why people think it's good to know what happens at a funeral - I mean if you were an adult that had never been to one and had never seen one on tv then you could easily google it if you really wanted/needed to know.

Her choice surely? Give her all the (age appropriate) info and let her make an informed choice.

see I think it’s weird she wouldn’t go

my 3 year old has been at 2 open casket wakes and several funerals. (Diff culture obviously)

but think it’s good to know how these things work and what that death happens / what a funeral is etc

FIL died when ours were similar age, 6 and 7, I asked their teachers and they said not to take them.
In hindsight I think it’d have been better if they had gone. It took them a long time to get over it and I think going to the funeral would have helped. They are now 19 and 20 and say they felt left out and like they didn’t matter and weren't part of things. I’d trust your instincts though, you know your kids best.

I was taken to funerals of my grandparents and other elderly relatives when I was age 5-13. I remember the services being sad and a bit boring when I was a young child but not particularly distressing.

My main memory of my nan's funeral is hiding under the table with my cousins stuffing down sandwiches and having a great time. Funerals are much harder as an adult when you understand what you've lost.

My grandchildren were 6 and 4 when my dad died. They visited him in hospital till a few days before he died. They attended his funeral and they were fine. It’s part of life. Shielding them away from it and having it shrouded in mystery can be more upsetting in the long term. They are teenagers now and still speak fondly of their Papa.

When I was twelve, I went to the funeral of an eight-year-old girl who died from a congenital condition. Our mothers were on school committees together, and this girl’s close friend was the younger sister of one of my close friends. All of her classmates walked out of the church with her coffin as a way to say goodbye to her. It was tragic but also beautiful at the same time.

It depends entirely on the circumstances

I went to a funeral and there was no celebration. It really was devastating. For details I won’t go in to.

we celebrated their life since… sure, even at the wake. But the funeral was just… well a time that all of us grief stricken came together and clung on and listened to the wonderful priest.

I definitely wouldn’t take a 6 year old - far too distressing.

In sorry for your families loss. When my MIL passed, we left my DS (5, nearly 6) at home with my mum and went without him. It was the right decision for us. You can only do what feels right for your child, I think 6 is too young but you know your child and whether you have a particularly mature one who could handle all the emotion (I don’t).

It’s not a solemn occasion, though, or not a purely solemn one, anyway. It’s also a party. There’s no need for children to be standing about po-faced, like a doomy, juvenile Greek chorus.

Honestly, this was the only positive legacy of my catholic education. We went to mass once a week as a school (more at Easter and Christmas). Catholic funerals are tied to a mass. If someone died, the family would often request that the funeral be held on school mass day as a) it guaranteed a crowd, b) meant there would be a choir and c) saved taking kids out of school as someone would be related to the deceased and d) the school is part of the congregation and so plays its part in comforting the deceased. By the time I went to non-denominational high school I must have been to 50 funerals.

This meant that we grew up seeing funerals as part of life and as a result, I am very pro kids attending and learning that death and celebration of life is part of the natural way of life.

For clarity: there’s really not much else that was positive about catholic primary school!

Well, here in Ireland it is normal and valued.

Kids running around high on haribo? I don’t think they need that reminder in the couple of hours that they are getting together with family and friends, some of whom they may not have seen for many years, to remember someone passing.

My DDs were 7 and 1 when my DM died, and both attended the funeral (the baby was there because literally everyone who would have watched her was also at the funeral). It was a church service and burial. My MIL took my oldest for a walk after the service so she didn't see the coffin being interred, and met us later at the wake. My DD was fine - she had a very close bond with her Grandma, so it felt right to include her. She's 21 now, and I've just asked her if she thinks we did the right thing, and she says she's glad we took her.

All that being said, you know your child best, and should do what feels right for them.

Sorry for your loss. When mine were a similar age we didn’t take them to my fil’s funeral. We did take them to the wake which I feel was beneficial. I do think it’s a very personal thing and you know your child best.

I was about that age when my Grandpa died. We were very close and I adored him. I suspect it was what he wanted, but I wasn't allowed at his funeral. I really struggled with having to visit his grave as a child and adolescent. It was only as I got much, much older that I was able to visit.