To go away at Christmas due to being asked to help with elderly mother

So they don't think what they're doing is wrong, because they see things differently. Could you meet them to have a frank discussion

In my family, it is a sibling who is NC and I’m one of the ones who has a bigger burden to carry as a result. I understand why my sibling is NC, and I certainly never threaten to dump a parent on their doorstep, but I’m also a human being and I do sometimes feel resentment and frustration. I’m not perfect.

I can see where your sisters are coming from, is what I’m trying to say: you’ll just have to maintain your boundaries but if you want to maintain a relationship with your sisters, try to acknowledge their perspective as well.

Probably not because when a parent abuses only one child the abused child is then scapegoated
The parent triangulates between almost of the children and turns the favoured children against the scapegoat. So no they probably don't see it the same way as OP as they will have been raised to view OP exactly as her mum views her

Never said it did

Your sisters are adults and knowing what you went through they should respect your decision to be no contact. If they can’t respect that then unfortunately they do not have your best interests at heart either. You deserve a life filled with love and joy, don’t allow any of them to take any more from you.

I think unless you didnt have plans over any of these days then go away.

If you was looking forward to being at home relaxing or had plans with other family / friends then i would probarly stay home at home.

If they turn up with mum I would not answer the door or maybe talk from a window and say No and I mean it or that you are leaving to travel soon so to take her back and stick to it.

If they left her on the door step you would have to call either the police or Social care or both but be adamant that you will not be able to have her.

Give your sisters details and show any texts that you have said you can not accommodate this.

Usuarly respite especially over Xmas has to be requested / agreed few weeks ahead at least.

But if they leave her at yours the police etc will either have to take her home ( if not vulnerable ) or place her in emergency respite.

I think if you dont stand strong and to your word who knows when and how often this will be in the future.

For the final time, it was just an ad hoc suggestion, I didn't know if Op wanted to give her sisters a bit of a break or anything.

Op, I'm sorry your mum was so spiteful.

Given that you are "so horrible" she wouldn't want to come to you anyway, would she?

As an aside when you're ready to break those emotional links to the past, know that it is possible.

Giving birth to someone doesn't automatically make them your defacto carer.

Not really anyone's business dude.

Stand firm OP. I think you probably will have to go elsewhere. Let them leave her on the doorstep.

Besides, they might not bloody pick her back up.

I'm fully expecting this crap when my mother drops to bits. I'd rather move house.

I agree 100 %.
Also, OP's mother may have failed to protect her from an abusive person, rather than being the abuser. As OP is 10 years older, this person may have not been around for the DS's.
Or OP may be the unlucky chosen victim - there are many people who suffer abuse, but their siblings don't. For lots of reasons.

Why would she do that when she is low contact and the woman has treated her badly in the past?

Why should she?

Yes, and stop the cards

I think this is the year you go away and also dont send a card..

Can you turn this into a positive for you?
Is there somewhere you've always wanted to visit?

Agree
Downright nasty of them both.
Not fair on you (or your mother).
What do they think they are doing?
You can’t play ‘pass the abusive mother around.

Absolutely this. What they do or don’t do is nothing to do with you. I would defo go away, not worth the risk of them turning up and everyone’s Christmas getting ruined. I’m sorry for what you went through op. I would stop the cards too btw, just go NC and make sure your sisters know not to involve you in any way with your mother.

Maybe the mother has refused

I don’t understand why, if your motjet is elderly enough to need care, your sisters haven’t found drop in paid carers via an agency or a temporary placement in a care home. My very elderly grandmothers would not have physically or mentally coped with being dropped off at relatives every other day anyway, or wanted to be.

I’m not sure police or social services would help much with this.

Will they really drop their mum off and drive away leaving her on the doorstep? I can’t see that working out for them.

You can tell them you’ll be away. You don’t actually need to go anywhere. I can see that they feel they that they need some help, but they can book respite care privately.

I have a strained relationship with my 2 sisters as they have to do all of the care.

They don't have to they choose to & if they want a break at Christmas they should have looked/be looking into alternatives, not dumping her on someone who has told them no.

Do they see it in such black and white terms as you?