To go away at Christmas due to being asked to help with elderly mother

Sounds like your sisters don't actually want her either.
When they say 'care' what do they actually mean?
And, yes, go away OP, somewhere hot and enjoy it.

I disagree.

You are coming across as aggressive, arrogant and smug.

Stop it.

Tmmc 1 why on earth is it selfish or rude to cut off an abuser ? Seriously worried about what you consider acceptable behaviour

Hi sis1&sis2

I just wanted to thank you for helping me to decide how to spend my Christmas. Initially I wasn't sure about booking myself a short break, however following your conversation regarding custody of our "mother" during this time, I took that as my sign to say - to hell with it! - and have made the booking

Feel free to leave her on my doorstep, although I doubt there'll be much Christmas spirit to be had out there in the cold, until such time as she is collected. Failing that maybe see about funding a days respite (either private or social care), as I know all to well how difficult she can be. You both deserve to have a break over the busy festive period.

Wishing you a blissful Christmas!!

If it's selfish to go NC I'll gladly stand up and declare to the entire world that I'm selfish, because going NC with neglectful, abusive parents is the best thing I ever did.

If you believe that going NC is selfish, I can only assume you're either an abusive parent or the flying monkey for one yourself.

It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with your siblings when your parent is a narcasist. You feel resentful and frustration because your parent has triangulated you against your sibling. Unfortunetly, with you saying you feel resentment and frustration towards your sibling who is NC... you have shown that you are a flying monkey ( flying monkeys often don't know their flying monkeys )

And

If you don't know what triangulated means how can you be sure your parent hasn't triangulated you 🤦‍♀️
Your reaction to my post is very very telling

I wouldn't say that these two comments to the poster are persistentantly giving someone my physiological perspective 😅 nor would i say that its being aggressive

But I'm entitled to my opinion and your entitled to yours,

Edited to add:

It doesn't but I'm not going to waste my time trying to educate you 🤦‍♀️😅.
I hate to say it, but I don't tend to try to impress flying monkeys, they have a very warped sense of reality
Again, your reaction is very very telling

This was after the poster purposely posted different versions of triangluation to do with policitcs ect and actively avoided the triangluation I was talking about in regards to narcasists and siblings

@NotAbabysitter What would you normally do for Christmas and what is your own family situation, married, kids, single etc.? I think that might help in deciding how to duck this one.

It's not clear exactly what level of care your mother needs. Is it full on, basic needs, or not much?

If you are single and live alone, have you any close contacts that you could unburden yourself to, maybe they'd have you for Christmas if they are in a position to do so, although TBH I realise this suggestion of "inviting yourself" might not appeal to you.

If you are unable or unwilling to spend Christmas at home by yourself, then you must go away. I can understand completely you not wanting to be at your home even with the door locked and blinds down etc. it's the anxiety of what might happen that is so unsettling.

You have agency. You are showing us that you are NOT prepared to do anything for a person (mother) who abused you. That shows great strength of character. You must follow through now, and even if it costs a whack, consider it a Christmas present to yourself to get away from the situation. The sisters will manage fine without your help. They will have to.

Going forward how are you going to deal with further demands that you chip in with help? Plan ahead for that, this could get more intense as time goes on. If you are in a position to move house/flat make a plan. Go incognito. Sounds dramatic, but it might be the only way to cut contact completely which is what you want. Good luck to you.

Sounds like sisters have had enough.
You will need to have an honest,open conversation with them which may involve saying goodbye.

OP, how easily would it be for you to actually go away? What were your plans before this?
I wouldn't let them derail anything, but if going away isn't too difficult the peace of mind it would bring could be worth it!

I'd be quite firm with your sisters as a pp has said "I have not seen mum for x years, and that is not going to change now. It is your choice to put as much time and effort it to caring for her as you think she deserves, I am simply doing the same. She is not welcome in my home.
If she needs to go somewhere I suggest that you contact x y and z to see what support is available over Christmas." (with x y and z being local agencies)

You were a child, doing normal child things. Your mother sounds awful. 💐 And your sisters can do one.

And out of the two of us it's definetly not me being aggressive 😅

You’re persistently giving somebody your ‘psychological’ perspective on their behaviour who’s telling you they don’t want it. That is the very definition of aggressive.

Further up I've offered advice and support to the OP

Funnily enough a narcasists tactic is often to accuse someone of being aggressive as a way to shut them down. Everything I've wrote is here in black and white and none of it has been aggressive

Why should she? OP had a hideous childhood as the 'scapegoat' child and two sisters who were the 'golden' children. Their mother indoctrinated them with her own hatred and abusive treatment of their older sister. There is no discussion to be had. OP, quite understandably, will not be looking after her mother and she doesn't need to justify herself.

No, it definitely is you. You are not coming across well at all, and are offering nothing to the OP with it either.

I find it strange that we wll go into great detail about some of.the picture but not all of it..While I agree personal things arent people' s business, its nevertheless difficult to give an opinion when you only know half the story..MN is useful for some things, but Im often left feeling some things.are better dealt with on the therapist's sofa. Lets face it. we dont know whats gone on in this family.

OP, you haven't said if it's just you, you and a DP, children involved, etc.

BUT - there are some really good, lower-cost (if cost is an issue) options of plaxces to go away to over Christmas. For example, the cottage rental companies (e.g. Sykes) tend to have quite a lot of cottages with one bedroom only at a similar cost to the rest of winter (because it's generally families who want bigger properties and these are a much bigger price).

Go away! Have a lovely time and don't even give your abusive mother any more thought.

An analysis of their life would of been asking questions about their parents, their siblings, their dynamics.... none of which I did.

And out of the two of us it's definetly not me being aggressive 😅

It's well known that if a sibling who is in contact with their parent is feeling resentful or frustrated towards their NC sibling it's often due to triangluation 🤷‍♀️

And no I definetly don't as I make sure I'm not around naracaissts or flying monkeys. They give themselves away frequently

OP, yes definitely go on holiday. Your sisters do not have to help your mother. If they choose to do so they can. They cannot make decisions for you. In my family, two of us are LC and 1 is not. They were younger and had a totally different life. We still all get on. The difference is that the younger one is male so was never going to do things for our mother anyway. There are carers and homes.

In your shoes I would text them:

Dear sisters, I have absolutely no wish of ever being in contact with our mother ever again. I have not been since I left home - which I thought you knew and understood - so I will not be renewing contact now. This is non-negotiable. If you wish to maintain contact with me going forward you will need to sort out your plans with her without involving me. If you raise the matter again, I will consider it harassment. Have a nice Christmas.

I am another who went no contact with her mother for the last 7-8 years of her life over toxic behaviour following my engagement. DH and I decided we did not need her poison or drama impacting our marriage or children. Never looked back. When she passes away I was sad that she had lived so selfishly and died alone, sad that she could have had the love of an extended family who dearly wanted it (I have younger half-sisters). But I never for a moment regretted it.

In this case - the sisters need to see that they are effectively only children and don't have another sister to ease the burden. What they're doing for their mother is between them and their mother as they had an entirely different relationship than OP did. Her sisters are entirely lacking in empathy to not understand how traumatic it must have been for OP and why she isn't involved. The sisters will no doubt be generously remunerated with an inheritance that OP won't receive (as they were rewarded with kind parents), I don't think OP needs to do anything to support mother/sisters who have never cared about her needs.

@NotAbabysitter this is your moment to lay down the boundaries with your sisters. Stop all the cards to your mother and very firmly let them know that if they drop your mother off your doorstep without permission, you will promptly drive her back to your sisters and leave her on the doorstep. Your mother was manipulative and abusive to you, and now her daughters/your sisters are doing the same. These people may share blood but they are not family and you shouldn't have to inconvenience yourself and leave your home to protect yourself.

What a depressing post.

OP is there any other way you could help out your sisters?
What happened between you and your mum isn't your sisters doing.

Why are you so intent on aggressively giving this poster your analysis of their life? You know nothing more than a few sentences on a screen but you’re being extremely pushy. It makes for uncomfortable reading. I hope you haven’t tried this with anyone in real life, at the very least it’s embarrassing, annoying and intrusive.

Just book yourself into an Airbnb over Xmas. A nice cottage somewhere nice. Otherwise you’re not going to enjoy Christmas at all as you’re going to be on edge wondering if you’re going to hear a knock at the door and find your mum parked on your doorstep..

I would go away somewhere lovely. I don’t know why but Edinburgh comes to mind!

You will have a horrible Christmas feeling on edge otherwise. And don’t tell anyone where you are going!!