To go away at Christmas due to being asked to help with elderly mother

Do your sisters or mother have a key to your house? If so, change the locks. By all means send a firm explanatory note to say you are not doing this. Go away anyway, climb a hill, breathe fresh air, forget them.

I would say no sorry I cant help and you will ignore any calls off them if its about having her end of discussion.

Book yourself a fabulous hotel for the 3 days. I would consider if I really wanted to stay in contact with them after this.

Agree. My mother and her older sister had totally different upbringings to her two much younger siblings. Poverty and abuse vs golden children.

(ironically there was less poverty for the younger two because by then my mum and eldest aunt were working their arses off to help support the family. And got no thanks for it.)

I can see why your sisters are at the end of their respective tethers if they're having to care for your mother, but that doesn't mean you have to step in.

I suspect your sisters simply don't - or more likely, can't - see your situation with your mother in the same way that you do. They grew up with your mother painting a very different picture of things, and I strongly suspect she's continued to brainwash them about you since you left home. I doubt they understand, or will ever be able to understand, what you've been through with your mother if she treated you so very, very differently to the way they were treated.

How would you feel about stopping contact with your sisters? It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship that you have with them, to be honest, if you genuinely think they would just dump your mother on your doorstep like that.

Siblings can be treated completely differently. It is not necessarily the case the siblings were exposed to abuse just because the OP was.

Go away by all means or don’t answer the door. You are in no way obliged to have her, outrageous of your sisters not to respect this.

Please just book to go away.otherwise she will be on your doorstep.i wish you all the best x

Me too I think you should go away for a few days or just go and stay with a good friend. I'm much older than you but was in a comparable situation - my mother always hated me and when the time came my father suffered from dementia and could no longer defend me she even started saying things like "I wish you were dead" to me. I went no-contact after many years of abuse. She died last year. I did not go and see her, did not go to her funeral. My siblings know what happened but still disavowed me because they think I should've continued visits, calls, presents etc. because of the simple fact she birthed me. I will still get my legal share of the inheritance - of the little she left over, she always had "a hole in her hand" for money. No regrets. You have to protect yourself, your physical health and your sanity. It's self-defence.

Tell them you’ll phone the police on them for abandonment. So sorry for what you went and what you’re going through

Darling... You don't sound to me like you were doing anything other than being a child. I wouldn't say an overly naughty child either going from what you've said... It sounds to me like she was just not a very nice person and for whatever reason why, she took it out on you when she should have been nurturing you and encouraging play.
I know 'it was a different time back then' but abuse/neglect is not ok whenever it was.
I've been on a journey of discovery for the past 17 months since my ADHD diagnosis and a lot from my childhood came to light. Things my mum said and did that gave me issues for a very long time that these days would be classed abusive/neglected.
It was a different time then.
I'm sorry you've had the childhood experience you had.
You were just being a child lovely.
Your mum was the problem.

Absolutely go away and as others have suggested, go no contact with them.
2026, the cards stop darling x

Take care of yourself 💞

Go away, enjoy yourself, do not be dictated to by your sisters. You will feel alot better not being around, incase they do drop your mother off fo you.....you won't be there. Sometimes in life we have to put ourselves first, and this is one of those times.

My dad has treated me a bit like your mum treated you OP, I've got 2 sisters as well, who are treated better than me. I'm low contact with my dad but do occasionally meet him for coffee, despite the way he's treated me.

I think the reason we continue is we are conditioned to do it, it feels "normal", it's hard to cut the ties completely. I understand how you feel, it's hard.

Because she's your mum regardless of the childhood she gave you.
I'm sorry to hear this.
100% go away xx

Your sisters don't HAVE to do the care for her, any more than you do. They're making their choice, you're making yours. Maybe remind them of that. And go away for Christmas. Enjoy!

If it were me i would remind your sisters in no uncertain terms what your mother did to you (if you bear to dredge it up again). Ask if they have conveniently forgotten, and say under no circumstances will you be looking after her Tell them to arrange care or contact social services

That.

Just book something and then you won’t have to wander everytime you have a delivery of it is your mother the package.

Get booking you might get a good deal at the moment then its done and you can send them your confirmation email sans destination

I would definitely book and go away. It’s a clear message, there won’t be a scene on your doorstep and you can do something you like. I’d also stop sending the cards.

Get a ring camera. Leave for the holidays. If they leave her on your doorstep phone police and social services. You have given them plenty warning that u are (rightfully) not going to be there and be responsible. And then consider going low contact with them too as they clearly don’t give a fuck how u feel. Don’t let them bully u into this.

I would be really confrontational about it. I would be say absolutely not. Retell them word for word exactly what was done to you and why you don’t have a relationship with your mother. Then I would be saying if you don’t want her there don’t have her there but that doesn’t mean she comes to me. Forget I’m her daughter because as far as I’m concerned she is not my mother and I have no responsibility towards her.

I think I would consider sending your DM and DSis’s a cease and desist letter, or even start the process for getting a restraining order against all three, from your solicitor.

Then you can call the Police on them if they try to dump your mother on you, (after sending a C&D letter, and you will also show you mean business for any future planned ambushes) and your mum will also know your intentions and will not want them to do this…

So many pages of debate and petty arguing here.
OP has her reasons for not wanting any contact with her mum and if I was her I would be doing exactly what I wanted to do over Christmas, be that spending it a home or going away.
As of now I would be contacting my sisters to remind them of my reasons for not having anything to do with mum, and that whilst I understood and was sorry that my not involving myself in her care made it more difficult for them, my mind would not be changed about this ever and that if they no longer wanted to share responsibility for her wellbeing they should seek outside help.
I don’t believe for one minute that they would just dump their mum on OP’s doorstep - no one who professed to care for someone could leave them somewhere they knew they wouldn’t be welcome. To me this is just a threat made in the hope that she will change her mind.
As to the OP sending Christmas and birthday cards to her mum - 2026 should be the year this stops. This years Christmas card should be the last one and include a note spelling out clearly ( but kindly if at all possible) why for her own peace of mind she wants no further contact.

.

Or, at some other time of the year of the sisters' choosing.

why should she pay for her abuser to go somewhere???