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Original poster

To go away at Christmas due to being asked to help with elderly mother

306 replies

NotAbabysitter · 30/11/2025 14:21

I am extremely low contact with my mother due to childhood abuse. I literally send her a birthday and Xmas card each year. I have a strained relationship with my 2 sisters as they have to do all of the care.

This year they have decided that they are splitting the days Xmas eve/day/Boxing Day between the 3 of us????? I have NEVER seen my mother over Xmas since I left home and I don’t intend to. My youngest sister has a new baby and other sister has been unwell this is why they are saying I have to help. I told them absolutely NO. They have said she will be dropped at my house one of the 3 days , I told them I won’t be there I will be away . I now am intending to actually book something as I’m not being held to ransom when they leave her on my doorstep.

They know what happened to me and I can’t understand no matter how difficult their circumstances are this year that they’d think it appropriate to re involve me in this way ?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAbabysitter · 30/11/2025 14:26

CandyCaneKisses · 30/11/2025 14:23

You don’t have to go away, just tell them that doesn’t work for you and you won’t be involved in bed Christmas.

It must be hard for your sisters with a new baby and having been unwell but it’s not your responsibility. They can always drop her home.

Edited

No they’ll literally leave her there I know it and I just don’t want to even be at home now. It’s the threat of it I find destabilising and I’ll be on edge especially as they said ‘one of the 3 days’

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 30/11/2025 14:26

You will probably need to actually go away.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/11/2025 14:25

You are allowed to have cast iron boundaries where your mother is concerned due to childhood abuse.

Tell your sisters that you are going away and they should contact Social Services about respite care as you absolutely refuse to help care for her because of how you were treated during your childhood.

HoppityBun · 30/11/2025 14:24

CandyCaneKisses · 30/11/2025 14:23

You don’t have to go away, just tell them that doesn’t work for you and you won’t be involved in bed Christmas.

It must be hard for your sisters with a new baby and having been unwell but it’s not your responsibility. They can always drop her home.

Edited

I think you do have to go away. Otherwise always they’ll watch your place like a hawk and just dump her.

glendabrownlow · 30/11/2025 14:23

If you have the money, could you pay for your mum to go somewhere for the day? Some centre or something?

CandyCaneKisses · 30/11/2025 14:23

You don’t have to go away, just tell them that doesn’t work for you and you won’t be involved in bed Christmas.

It must be hard for your sisters with a new baby and having been unwell but it’s not your responsibility. They can always drop her home.

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