To go away at Christmas due to being asked to help with elderly mother

Sadly I totally agree with this if they don't respect OP's boundaries.

Yes, @ShesTheAlbatross I totally agree it's the easiest way to draw a line this time and, as you say, if OP goes away she should be clear with them that that is the reason. I'd still worry though that they'll keep pulling the same stunt every year, also if the mother needs more care in future. They need to understand that wherever OP is she is not part of this care/company plan. (Also that they are not under any obligation to be either should it not work for them)

Book and go away somewhere op.

If your sisters aren’t understanding that you suffered abuse from the person that they are trying to force you to look after (does she need looking after?) then I would go not contact with them too. Do they not believe you?

I agree she shouldn’t have to go away. But doing so might be the thing that makes it crystal clear to the sisters “no, I told you I wouldn’t be doing this, and I meant it”.

I wouldn’t frame it as “oh sorry, but I’ve booked to go away so I’m afraid I can’t help”. I’d directly say “I’ve told you no, however you don’t seem to respect that so to make sure that this does not happen, I will be away.”

Just in case it's helpful, after twenty five years of doing the obligatory birthday/Christmas and one three hour visit per year following a similar childhood, I decided to drop the rope. Three years ago I wrote and told her and my four siblings that I wished them all well but I was done now. I have never offered or received contact since, and despite my torturing myself for years about whether I'd regret it, I haven't had one single second where I reviewed my choices. It's been sad and painful to begin with, but so much better than the years before. I can highly recommend it. I really feel like my life has started properly.

Did your sisters suffer abuse too?

Tell them you are away Christmas week.
Been nc with my dm for many years. No fire /flood /viral outbreak would have me hosting her for 1 minute.

In fact it never occurred to me to check in on her when Covid was at it's worst.
Park your car elsewhere.. Keep your curtains shut and pretend you aren't home..

If she has Christmas Day with one of your sisters and Boxing Day with the other it's hardly as though she's spent Christmas alone is it? Not your responsibility or theirs anyway. You really shouldn't have to go away. Easier said than done but I think you're going to need tonlay down firm boundaries with your sisters now or you risk finding yourself in the same situation in future.

I understand why you want to go away, and tbh would probably do the same. However, I’d also use this as an opportunity to spell out to your sisters in crystal clear terms why you will never be stepping in to provide care for your mother, and tell them to arrange respite through social services if they cannot cope but on no account are they ever to expect you to be involved.

That would be my suggestion too.

Abso fucking lutely.

Otherwise lock your doors and call the police if she is left outside or they sit in a car outside your house

you could explain that you will call police and social services if she is abandoned at yours

Why should she? Her mother is not her responsibility, and she does want to get involved.

Why not make this the year you stop. 🙂

Your sisters have every right to decide they can no longer 'do' Christmas between them.

They have no right to impinge on you.

If looking after her has become a burden to them then they need to contact adult social care.

Yes, I think you're right, you must actually go away. Can you get away for 5 days, I wouldn't put it past them to try and drop her either before or after the expected days.

You're not unreasonable at all. 💐

"You know I won't have Mum in my house or help out with her care, and you know why. It's Mum's responsibility to sort out her own care. If you can't do it, it's her responsibility to make her own arrangements."

I would 100% go away. What on earth do they think they’re doing “she’ll be dropped with you for one of the three days”. They can piss off.

If there’s somewhere in mind you’d really like to go, then do it. Your mum is not your sisters responsibility either, but if they choose to make her so, that’s on them.

I'm sorry you've had such a horrible experience, I'd go away for the three days as well.
Just wondering why do you send a card at Christmas and birthday? Wouldn't it be be best to sever contact completely?

So they sort of know the history but clearly they don’t really understand?

sounds like an expensive Christmas for you away somewhere

How much do your sisters know of your history? Did they suffer any abuse ? Ie do you need a good talk with them / or do you just go away because they should know by now ?

Going away sounds a good plan if practical.