For getting irritated about this?

YABU

They are feeding your child and your pet as well as other things. it isn’t their house. If DH decided he wanted to deep clean the house once a week, I would let him get on with it, as I wouldn’t feel it was necessary. Maybe he feels the same

Maybe, but certainly not chez OP!

I’m really gobsmacked by her attitude here. Can she truly not see how arseways she is assessing reality?
A partner who acts as a husband/ carer/ housekeeper and cook for her and her child, all while living elsewhere? Sounds like a dream come true.

This whingeing about cleaning her own house is a grotesque distortion of what’s required of her angelic-sounding boyfriend.
As everyone is saying, nothing she cites is ‘deep cleaning’, and a short time every day would keep her on top of it, and provide some exercise, and surely the child can do little bits of it too.

Definitely a ‘BU’ par excellence here.
She’d want to cop herself on pretty sharpish, as entitlement like this is a lousy attitude to inculcate in a young child, who presumably absorbs it daily.

(Re the iron deficiency; she could do a lot to help herself there, especially with muscle weakness, with those wee sachets of ‘iron water’ by Seatone. Very affordable indeed, and a way of absorbing and storing iron that is effective where normal pill supplements fail.
Not saying hospital interventions would be redundant, but there’s no reason to do nothing while you await an appt.)

You are being VERY unreasonable. Your partner does more than enough!

Your partner is already doing the bulk of household chores, and it’s not even their home.

How did you cope before they came along - presumably you cared for your child and pet without help?

Your “deep clean” once a week is unnecessary - if you’re only disinfecting surfaces once a week, it’s not protecting you from germs as they’d have sat there for six days! Your partner already helps with the hoovering - it’s just the wiping round and bathroom by the sounds of things.

I don’t often say this but you’re expecting way too much. I’m sorry you have chronic illnesses but it doesn’t give you carte blanche to do nothing. You could do a small amount of the cleaning each day while your child is at school and your partner at work and you’re sat at home.

If they’ve been working all week, doing 50% of the dog walks and school runs, pretty much all of the washing up, and most of the cooking - and that includes for your child too - I’m not surprised they don’t want to spend a huge part of their weekend cleaning.

You don’t seem to see how much they’re doing already.

Obviously your standards of cleaning aren't the same as his. You can either compromise or do it yourself .

Yabu. They are doing loads already.

I think I'm with the majority here. He seems to be a decent bloke who's doing much more than 50%. I'd be careful, as he may just walk if you're too unreasonable.

Genuinely though what are you expecting from them OP? Because it does sound like you're having a pop at them for not doing it to your self imposed standard.

Frankly I'd just move back to my own place and let you crack on with 100% of caring for your own responsibilities.

I have several autoimmune conditions i have never disinfected areas with medical grade cleaner in my life.

Is this a weird hinch hun thing?

Yabu. They already do a lot and work full time and presumably have their own home that they have to maintain.

Its your choice to do this weekly big clean.

If you dont think they help out enough, get them to spend more time at their own home and do 50/50 between both of your houses.

It sounds like he's doing well over half the housework already. It also sounds like you're stuck on doing all this in one day instead of spreading it out. You don't work. Do half an hour a day instead of four hours on a Sunday.

If you are chronically with immune issues I would expect you to be be wiping down touch points more often than weekly.

Cleaning a bathroom weekly isn't a deep clean. With a dog I would be vacuuming more regularly than weekly too.

I understand you are not working currently due to ill health but it sounds like DP is doing an awful lot in a house that isn't there home.

They are feeding you and your DC most days and cleaning up afterwards too plus finding time to walk someone else's dog

I suggest you find a way to do your cleaning across the week so it's not a big 4 hour job in one go.

How old is your DC? Can they help out?

What would you do if he wasn’t there at all?

I was thinking the same, just sounds like "cleaning" to me 😆
I think you are really unreasonable to expect someone who doesn't love in the house do even more than they already are - which is a lot!

Once a month is plenty

YABU - your partner is even doing the hoovering part of your weekly cleaning, as well as all the hands on stuff you mention and working full time too! What more do you want from them?

If you're unable to look after yourself, ask your local council for a needs assessment to determine if you are eligible for social care support.

I think your partner is doing more than their fair share. They sound more a carer than a partner.

I have a chronic condition, which causes regularly chronic pain 24x7 for weeks on end. I’m immunocompromised due to infusions I have and other drugs and have to ensure the bathroom and kitchen are fully cleaned daily and the rest of the house clean. I do it, as it’s not fair that I expect others to do it because of my illness. I do work full time and so does my OH. Some days it all but finished me off, but life sucks sometimes.

I don’t do it to be a martyr, it has to be done because of me, so it’s only fair I get it done.

Im afraid you are being quite unreasonable. Your partner is doing pretty much all the housework and family care for a household they don't even live in. Throwing a strop because they're not also vacuuming the entire house and disinfecting the doorknobs is unreasonable. If you are so incapacitated that you're unable to do any cleaning yourself, maybe you could look at claiming PIP and spending some of it on a cleaner.

DP doesn't live there so I'm assuming they have some financial commitments elsewhere

So you're not working and they're working full time. They're already doing (at least) 50/50 of the day to day stuff and you expect them to spend the little bit of time off they get helping you deep clean?

Sorry OP, but YABU. Saying spreading it through the week doesn't work isn't reasonable because doing it in one go isn't working either.

You're at home all day, do a room a day and spend your partner's time off doing something nice with them and enjoying your relationship. They're not your carer and whilst I agree that partners should help, you're not helping yourself by trying to find a resolution other than them helping you.

And if my partner was at home all week and decided to do the big clean while I was off and then went in to a meltdown because it was all too much for them , I would be a bit pissed

What schedules? You don’t work your child is at school.
I know you have health issues but if you can do something then do one thing a day, it doesn’t make sense that you can’t do the dusting one day because of the household schedules - your household is you and your child.

He has free housing free bills free food etc etc

There's no need to deep clean weekly, that sounds ott. They're doing enough already by the sound of things , and you want more! You sound incredibly selfish and lazy. What actually do you do, other than deep clean weekly.

I think of deep cleaning as pulling the fridge out to clean behind it (not that I do this). Wiping down surfaces, dusting and hoovering isn’t deep cleaning. It’s just normal housework