To let DH have whole day in bed ...

I’m not going to press you to share more than you’re comfortable with, but a lot of the things you’re saying are a bit worrying. I hope you’re okay and that you’ve got a support network around you. 💗

So, he went to lunch and just stayed out? Did he let you know he’d be doing this?

he can be amazing but can but the opposite.

In what ways?

Usually if I go out there's an argument of some sort

That’s obviously unacceptable, is it not?

She’s stated that if she tried this, it wouldn’t fly and that there’s usually an argument if she goes out. So, the ‘bad DH’ comments weren’t far off the mark.

Depends on your relationship.

I would be completely ok with DH taking an entire weekend off "parenting" but only because I often go away and he's in sole charge regularly.

I wouldn't be impressed by wasting a weekend because of a hungover, but as a one off, I'd roll my eyes and ignore him

As long as you share the kids, it's a non issue. If you never have weekends away, then you have a problem

From the OP, it sounds like he went out drinking Fri night, she took the kids out yesterday, then overnight to grandmother's, and kept them away until she got home today, Sunday, and posted.

Either he's drinking so much he's got a 2 day hangover or he drank again last night and is hungover again. Either way sounds like he's got an alcohol problem that's interfering with his family life. She has to keep the kids away from their home so he can 'recover' from his drinking.

I had both kids from lunchtime yesterday and took them overnight to grandmas for us to stay ..kept them out away from home so DH could rest.. just got home and asked if I could have some downtime this afternoon but DH says he's still not feeling good and can't help out this afternoon.

He is taking the P

Thats not at all what she is saying—she says he wouldn’t reciprocate for her. Also she feels the marriage is bad so she “has” to do this for him.

The problem is that there's no teamwork if you're picking up all the parenting.

Another woman putting up with rubbish in order to improve/support her marriage. Did he offer to get out of bed or not get drunk in the first place to improve/support their marriage.? We women do dig our own holes.

The first few responses were completely unhelpful as they were very much in the camp of ‘bad dh’ and OP has now admitted herself (as I thought) it’s a one off and everyone deserves an off day

Is it a regular thing? Since DD was born almost 6 years ago, I've been out and really overdone it maybe 4/5 times and DH is quite happy to leave me to sleep it off. He wouldn't be keeping DD quiet or going out though, that's pandering.

I'd do the same for him but he doesn't really get hangovers, however, he has lots of hobbies and I am happy to take care of things when he's out.

Neither of us feels like the other isn't pulling their weight.

When the dc were little I did this for him but equally he did it for me. Neither of us went out often but when we did we knew it would mean we were mostly on our own the next day. It was fine I was able to look after my 3 on my own for a day as was he. Of course it’s annoying and not great to be on your own the whole day but unless this is a regular occurrence then it shouldn’t be an issue. If this happens a couple of times a month then I’d have an issue with it because they are obviously drinking so much regularly that they can’t get out of bed the whole day.

I totally agree that it should be about teamwork and helping each other our when we need it... the thing is if it was the other way round it absolutely wouldn't fly

How is he generally re teamwork? And in what way wouldn’t it fly? How would he react? When’s the last time you had a big night out?*

But things not great with us at the moment and I think it would be a good idea for me to be really supportive about this.

Or it would be a good idea for him to be really supportive of you? In what ways aren’t things currently great?

My apologies, as I know that’s lots of questions.

Drinking so much that it wipes out all if the next day is shitty behaviour if you have young kids

Getting so drunk that you can't function the next day is something you'd tolerate from a nineteen-year-old. It's extremely unattractive in a person supposedly grown up enough to be a parent.

If she comes back and says that, then we (or, at least I) will respond accordingly.

It would be helpful if she came back and answered the questions. However, responses based on the current info of ‘DH says he's still not feeling good and can't help out’ don’t seem silly to me.

If its one rule for him and another for you, as you've stated here, then something isn't working. Why should he be able to opt out of a whole day's parenting while you are expected to push through?

Go out or don't go out today, your call: maybe not the right day to be creating a flashpoint. But I wouldn't be making a habit of allowing him to drink himself silly and then opt out of the following day just to keep the peace.

You have to sit down with him (probably not today) and say you're not going to be the backup parent like this. If you both get equal opportunities to have time away from the kids and its planned, this is fine. What's not fine is for him to do this and assume that it will be OK for you to pick up the slack, while you're not able to do the same. It's not fair.

Hangover?

Tough. He made his bed, now he gets up and parents.

Helps out my ass.

Do you think you need to support his checking out of family life because he drinks so much that he has to rest for more than a day? Bullshit.

Who's being argumentative?!

I don't know whether it's a regular thing or not, because the OP doesn't specify, which is why I'm drawing a distinction!

It's a discussion board. People ask others a question, that's how it works. You don't get to police other people for expressing their opinions if those opinions are solicited.

In our house, this would work both ways, so wouldn't worry me a bit.

Nope, you've facilitated him. It doesn't matter if it's a one off, he's had r&r and you need to take care of yourself too.