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Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

430 replies

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:09

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

OP posts:
B0D · 01/12/2025 19:59

Have you never heard of confidentiality?

B0D · 01/12/2025 19:57

You held a meeting about vulnerable children in a public place ?

I Hope someone reports this

ThatAquaHam · 01/12/2025 19:54

NormasArse · 30/11/2025 12:17

I can’t get past, “She heard the whole meeting.”

Neither can I. So glad its not just me. So unprofessional, potential safeguarding issues in relation to discussing a vulnerable child, everything about it is screaming 'wrong"
What kind of person would even think it was an appropriate place to hold a meeting.

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 01/12/2025 19:51

I think this is fine - but I bet my husband would say it's "weird" too. I think maybe he is underestimating the power and value of female solidarity when you find it - if you think you can support each other, it's worth a bit of weirdness (if that's how it is perceived). If you get your number to her via her workplace, she doesn't have to use it if she doesn't want to. Just don't mention any personal details like being a foster carer to her employer, and don't accidentally make it sound like you had some sort of romantic connection! I'd just say that you exchanged details with someone you met in xx Costa with xx name but lost her number, so you're passing yours on.

FeetupTvon · 01/12/2025 19:46

How do you actually know this stranger was telling the truth?
Could this be a family member of the child you foster?

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 01/12/2025 19:24

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 16:50

My husband also keeps saying it would be “weird” to go through her workplace but I don’t see the issue as long as it’s done carefully.

You also didn't see the issue with having the meeting in a public place.

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 01/12/2025 19:21

NormasArse · 30/11/2025 12:17

I can’t get past, “She heard the whole meeting.”

I agree

Porridgepudding · 01/12/2025 19:17

Imagine if the other professionals/ social worker was also joining from a coffee shop! You would rightly be reporting them.

Wildefish · 01/12/2025 19:12

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:25

I wouldn’t do it again but I was in a really bad rush and wasn’t going to get home in time, it really was a one off that was.

I understand your dilemma about missing the meeting. However, you broke data protection rules that could lead you in serious trouble. At least it’s been pointed out and I would just learn from this.

saraclara · 01/12/2025 19:10

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:25

I wouldn’t do it again but I was in a really bad rush and wasn’t going to get home in time, it really was a one off that was.

It shouldn't have happened even once. Seriously, I worked as a professional alongside foster carers and we all went to great lengths to ensure confidentiality at all times. Had I done what you'd done I'd have been hauled over the coals. Being in a rush is absolutely no excuse.

SunnySideDeepDown · 01/12/2025 19:08

Headyhead · 01/12/2025 19:03

I for one am concerned that this OP has been deemed suitable to foster children given her reckless behaviour relating to sensitive issues.

And the fact the OP’s husband thinks her suggestion would be “weird” would indicate that this is possibly one of a long list of “weird” things the op has done that has back fired

Unfortunately there are so few foster carers that standards aren’t as high as you’d hope.

SunnySideDeepDown · 01/12/2025 19:07

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:21

She only heard me talking, not what social services were saying. I had my headphones in and was doing the meeting that way. I was in a rush and wasn’t going to get home in time for the meeting so I did it from a Costa as a one off only.

Edited

Sorry OP but this is totally irresponsible of you. Did the social worker know you were in Costa? If so, they need reminding of data protection and safeguarding too.

You should NEVER have a sensitive conversation about vulnerable people in public. You could have had the meeting in your car, planned your day better, or rescheduled. Having a meeting about kids at risk in a coffee shop is never ok.

Thegladstonebag · 01/12/2025 19:07

Headyhead · 01/12/2025 19:00

Yes, OP neatly side stepped that issue

I’d lose my job if I did that! Being ‘very busy that day’ is no excuse IMO.

Wildefish · 01/12/2025 19:06

Naws · 30/11/2025 12:12

I suppose it wouldn't harm given the amount of information she shared.

But do people really have such public meetings in coffee shops that can be overheard by anyone and everyone?

I find that really strange.

Sorry but data protection.

Headyhead · 01/12/2025 19:03

I for one am concerned that this OP has been deemed suitable to foster children given her reckless behaviour relating to sensitive issues.

And the fact the OP’s husband thinks her suggestion would be “weird” would indicate that this is possibly one of a long list of “weird” things the op has done that has back fired

Headyhead · 01/12/2025 19:00

Thegladstonebag · 01/12/2025 18:59

I’m surprised you had a zoom call in a public place where someone else ‘overheard the whole meeting’. I’d be concerned about GDPR myself given the potentially sensitive nature of the meeting.

Yes, OP neatly side stepped that issue

Headyhead · 01/12/2025 19:00

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 14:33

I don’t see the issue with it either but my husband is adamant that going through her workplace would be “weird”? I’ve tried LinkedIn already but can’t find her unfortunately, I only have her first name though.

Edited

Your husband knows you much better than than us

So I’m wondering if he thinks it would be “weird” because you have done things in the past that have back fired / others thought weird, and he’s consented that this will just be like that all over again

Thegladstonebag · 01/12/2025 18:59

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:09

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

I’m surprised you had a zoom call in a public place where someone else ‘overheard the whole meeting’. I’d be concerned about GDPR myself given the potentially sensitive nature of the meeting.

Yamahahaha · 01/12/2025 18:57

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:37

I’m not going to mention having the meeting in a Costa but I’m also going to make sure that doesn’t happen again as well. It really was a one off because I rushing to get home and then realised I wasn’t going to get home in time.

FFS, stop saying "it was a one-off". That doesn't make it ok!

harriethoyle · 01/12/2025 18:55

OneShyBear · 30/11/2025 12:21

She only heard me talking, not what social services were saying. I had my headphones in and was doing the meeting that way. I was in a rush and wasn’t going to get home in time for the meeting so I did it from a Costa as a one off only.

Edited

This is utterly inappropriate.

PorridgeEater · 01/12/2025 18:54

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 30/11/2025 12:16

Why were you in a care planning meeting in a coffee shop?!

This. Surely that sort of meeting should be confidential - very casual to do it in a coffee shop where anyone could overhear.

Uricon2 · 01/12/2025 18:53

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cherish123 · 01/12/2025 18:51

You had a care planning meeting in a coffee shop!!!

Anyahyacinth · 01/12/2025 18:50

Just a word of caution not to get the other person in difficulty if she was in Costa during work hours - there is a small potential that you might cause her problems. Agree about meetings in public spaces being inappropriate too

Somethingneedstochange78 · 01/12/2025 18:44

Naws · 30/11/2025 12:12

I suppose it wouldn't harm given the amount of information she shared.

But do people really have such public meetings in coffee shops that can be overheard by anyone and everyone?

I find that really strange.

Just what I was thinking.

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