Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

So you the value the privacy of adults you don’t know, but you’re more than happy to deny children any right to privacy. So you do understand privacy, you clearly just don’t think children in care are worthy of it.

I wonder if she took OP’a details to report?

But its not just the meeting you shouldnt have had. You also shouldnt have had a 2 hour conversation with this woman you just met about your situation (also in a very public place). Its not an appropriate thing to do. Its not the right way to go about getting support.

Its like if a doctor was sitting in a coffee shop and you could hear their half of a meeting about a patient, youd feel very uncomfortable. It would be even worse if someone who'd overheard then joined the doctor introduced themselves and talked about that patient and their patients for 2 hours, in public where everyone could hear.

I think everyone is a bit shocked by your responses because they are very relaxed and dont seem to appreciate the seriousness of what you have done here. Lots of us (including me) work in roles where we would be sacked and struck off for doing this, and rightly so. Personal information extends so far beyond name/dob and address. The information you shared in the meeting doesnt belong to you. It belongs to the children you are caring for and you have a legal and moral responsibilty to keep it private. There are so many ways that this could have gone wrong, including people who are aware of the children overhearing and working out who you were talking about.

Running late isnt an excuse. Keeping things private is part of how you keep these kids safe.

I'm getting the impression that this hasnt really registered with you (although i hope its part of the training). If it hasn't and you think everyone is overreacting, this is a training need for you and to give the children (who im sure you care about) great care you need to make sure you learn more about your responsibilities.

Dont try to trace her. This whole situation is very inappropriate.

This is so unprofessional to have had that meeting in a coffee shop. As a teacher I remember not being allowed to be overheard at home when I did parents evenings online just after covid ended.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Still refusing to answer
OP did the people the other end of the call know where you were?

OP, I understand the press trawl through MN to find 'stories'. I have two suggestions for you.
One - advise the team to who you are responsible what a stupid thing you have done.
Two - ask MN to take this thread down.

No it hasn't been suggested because it would be fucking stupid.

Hopefully no-one would be stupid enough to dox a local foster carer 🤦‍♀️

I agree. If her firm is a very small affair, and she mentioned which department she worked in, you could try ringing and asking for 'Jane' or whoever. If there are half a dozen Janes you won't have much luck but if there is only one in a small company, you would probably be put through to her.

It really wouldn't be a good idea to be asking for 'Jane' who has foster children, she may keep her private life private at work.

The firm may have a facebook group on which you could ask.

Yes, brilliant suggestion! You could put in a load of details about the child/ren you or she care for too, in case she comes across it and recognises herself/you/the conversation.

🙄🙄

Wow the meeting is such bad form that I can’t get past it. If it were corporate you could be sacked for that crap. If she heard enough that she could ascertain the situation/what you do then that’s too much. I have meetings at home where I wear headphones and still go into a closed office so my husband doesn’t hear the details. Wtf. YABU

You need TRAINING URGENTLY. And a reprimand

Exactly this! And I wonder why you’re having problems with social services, considering your inability to understand boundaries….

Exactly this! And I wonder why you’re having problems with social services, considering your inability to understand boundaries….

Exactly this! And I wonder why you’re having problems with social services, considering your inability to understand boundaries….

Dear god no. Don't do this. See lengthy discussion above about confidentiality and boundaries

I mean she must have realised others could hear her, but still held the meeting - so it does seem like the op didn’t care who heard or has absolutely no concept of quite how wrong her actions were.

So you’re happy to put vulnerable children in danger, you seem almost gleeful about it.

But you also now want to stalk another adult via their workplace.

What other innapropriate thing are you going to choose to do this week?

Your boundaries are really shocking, OP. I'm amazed you can't see that.

Has it been suggested yet to start a social media search along the lines 'does anyone know Anne working for X and being a foster carer'? Explain the situation briefly and ask for your details to be passed on if anyone does. You would need to take a stab at a local group. For example join the group of a town you know she lives in.

I did that once with a lost friend and someone had alerted him and I woke up to a message from him the next day.

@OneShyBear you seem to have an issue with organisation and boundaries. Not having left yourself enough time to get home for a planned professional meeting related to your employment as a foster carer shows a lack of priority. Then having the meeting in a public place (where you just happened to have your laptop and headphones with you) and someone else could clearly understand what you were talking about shows both lack of professionalism and disrespect for the dignity of your foster child/ren and related safeguarding. And now making a huge deal of tracking down this person through any means (couldn't you just have put her number straight into your phone at the time rather than bother with bits of paper?)
You don't show yourself in a very positive light I'm afraid.

To answer the question, absolutely don’t stalk this woman via her workplace. Obviously.

To add to the many (justifiably) horrified voices here - attending a confidential meeting about a child in care in a Costa is an appalling breech of their privacy AND the professional standards of your role. You had no right to do this. Any professional knows that confidential meetings must not be held in public spaces. Foster carers are professionals.

you are justifying this because it was a one off and you ran out of time. The correct thing to do would be to email the social worker to let them know you weren’t able to attend, and agree to join late when you got to somewhere private, or give an update later and get the updates from others after the meeting.

The other foster carer overheard you and identified what the meeting was , and this means that the other people around you could do the same.

I know it isnt helpful to pile on , and others have rightly slammed you for this … but you don’t seem to get how bad this was!!

As a social worker I’m absolutely aghast that you are so casual about this. Children in care have a right to privacy and dignity. It is the responsibility of the professionals supporting them to ensure this.

And not only is that child endanger but anything that was discussed that could place birth parents/ potential adopters etc at danger. you have potentially breached more than one persons personal data.